Obviously it hadn't occurred to anyone that I might be Black Coat Girl.
Well, good. Fabulous.
I was so thrilled with the success of my trickery (that was sarcasm in case it wasn't obvious) I ended up hiding with a plate of fried okra in a corner.
I did wave to Joel when he arrived. We chatted, but then a bunch of women pulled him away. I watched one girl consistently dog his heels wherever he went. She had orange pigtails and her tee shirt said Engineers Do It To Collapse. Too bad for her, he hardly noticed her.
I considered going up and introducing them, since I suspected this was Megan, who'd texted Asher. But I was too depressed. Too depressed to mingle.
Why?
Because I should be hanging with Asher right now, not skulking in a corner imagining him with his "female company."
"You know who that is?" said a deep voice.
I whirled around, for a moment thinking it was him.
But nope, just Doug again, with an arm wrapped around a blonde named Jodi. (At Christmas it had been Laura, the time before that, Annette. Doug's thinning hair fools women-they assume he's shy and mild-mannered, so they chase him. He's killing it as a manwhore.)
"Who?" I followed his pointing finger. I didn't recognize the woman but I'd noticed her earlier because she moved as gracefully as my mom.
"That's Winona's neighbor, Elianna Shuman. I'll let you in on a secret. She's her ace in the hole for Asher."
I stared at the woman, experiencing a sudden attack of cleavage envy. She was beautiful, with coal black hair and a figure in Aura's class. "You mean-"
He nodded. "If he doesn't hook up with any of the others, Winnow's gonna sic Elianna on him. She and her folks run the farmer's market downtown. I dated her little sister Annette last year. Trust me, he won't be single for long. We'll take care of him."
I was speechless.
He's not single now! I wanted to scream. And … and she's old! She's thirty if she's a day! She could be his mother! Well anyway his babysitter.
I hardly noticed Doug stroll away with Jodi, whistling, leaving me alone again. All I saw was a bleak, confusing universe.
And that ominously shut door.
I desperately wanted to have X-ray vision right now. And I was starting to feel ridiculous. Here I was, standing around like a stiff stick of celery, while my man could be in there gorging on gooey cupcakes, with a red velvet frosted masterpiece waiting on the side table.
(Yes, it's true, I was still hungry, actually.)
I wanted to burst in there and … what? Face the stares? The shock? The horror?
Four years might not seem that much older when you're forty or something. But I'd known this boy when it wasn't even legal to kiss him, before he even had hair on his chest.
It takes a lot to horrify a Norrell, but they're protective of their pack. Doug might seem okay with this Elianna woman, but even he would balk at the idea of me.
If nothing else, I'm just not Asher's type. They'd think he's making a crazy rebound mistake.
Which, I won't lie, a part of me still thought he was.
Everyone would act uncomfortable and sorry for me and maybe hostile and I'd never be able to face them again.
But this sucked.
What if I just blurted it out?
Yo, guys! Listen up! Asher and I are a thing!
Only what if I was too late? What if we weren't a thing anymore. Maybe I'd screwed it all up. Asher had looked really pissed.
Oh, shit, no, wait. That's recursive reasoning. If I pretend we aren't a thing and so he acts like we aren't a thing and I subsequently get freaked that we aren't a thing, that's on me.
I hoped we'd still be a thing.
This was stupid.
The problem was simple. I was scared. These people didn't really know me. If they knew me, they'd see what a faker I was. Sure, I act like I'm this well-rounded person who has her shit together and doesn't need anyone.
Nope. Lie.
I was in love with Asher. Love to the power of obsession. If he bailed on me now, I didn't know what I'd do.
But I kinda thought he might love me, too. I mean, I knew he did. But specifically that way. Like his parents loved each other. I mean it could happen. Totally.
Couldn't it?
Crap. I'd turned into my parents, with all their self-absorbed doubts and vacillations.
Maybe I should just go ahead and do it, tell everyone I was actually Asher's-
There was an exclamation over by the front door. I peered over there and saw Karl walk in. And behind him came Aura. Even from over here, I could see the ring sparkling on her left hand as she waved it over her head, smiling at everybody.
Oh, hell to the no.
CHAPTER 30
One Year Ago-Stuck There
Asher: Yo, why are you doing it that way? There's an app for that.
Charis: Yeah, I know.
Asher: Then why aren't you using it? What?
Charis: I said mumble. That was a mumble.
Asher: But you'd save yourself twenty minutes.
Charis: I know.
Asher: Here, I'll install it.
Charis: No! I don't want it!
Asher: Why not?
Charis: Look, I'm process oriented, all right? I do things the way I like to do things. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a perfect system going, only to find it's totally obsolete because somebody wrote a stupid app? I can't adapt that fast. I'm entrenched in tradition. That's the way I like it. I'm old-fashioned. Get off my case about it.
Asher: Bullshit. You were the one who wanted to sign up for that Japanese live action robotic fight.
Charis: Why did you even stop me?
Asher: You had a sprained ankle.
Charis: It was almost healed. And I could totally have taken that robot. It was like one third my size.
Asher: Yeah, tradition my ass. I think my point is made.
Charis: Can't wait for next year. I'm so going again. What? No, your point is not made. Or is it? Hmm.
Asher: I'll install it now.
Charis: No. I'm not ready yet. I need to psych myself up.
Asher: For a fucking shopping app?
Charis: Don't look so incredulous. You're making me feel like a freak.
Asher: You challenge me, girl. You do challenge me.
Asher
THIS SUCKED. SLOANE SUCKED. I was going to spank her ass for this shit.
Winnow, apparently not noticing my mood, flung her arms out. "What do you think of … ta-da … the Asher Room!"
"The Asher Room," I echoed.
My sister's "rec 'n tech" room had been turned into a bordello. Among all the velvets and cushions, there was an orgy in the making with about a dozen women hand-picked for my exact tastes.
Meddler that she was, I like Winnow. I mean it's definitely the thought that counts.
All the same … I looked back longingly at the shut door behind me.
"Well?" She sidled up to me and rubbed her face on my sleeve. I snuggled her against me, something you are required to do with soft women.
"What motivated this exactly?"
"I'm making sure that thing that happens whenever you're single doesn't happen this time," she said airily. "It's pathetic watching you moon around and crash into things. You'll never want for love, baby Ash. That's Maria, that's Liz, that's Dora and Louise and over there lying across our cousins' laps is this gal Shona works with, I can't remember her name offhand, but apparently she's always gushing over you-"
"I know who they are. But why, Winnow? Really, without the bullshit. What did I ever do to you?"
"You want it straight? Everyone agrees that you need some serious help choosing girlfriends. Your track record stinks, baby boy. That bitch-"
"Cut it out already about Aura, she wasn't a-ah, fuck, so she was. Listen, a bitch I can handle. That's not the problem, it's-" I stopped, realizing I couldn't say any more without revealing the truth about me and Charis.
I folded my arms, glaring at the room in general at the reminder of the choke chain Sloane had me on.
Winnow's no dummy. She knew something was up. "So who's this black coat girl?" At my silence, she sighed. "There really isn't any black coat girl, is there? That's just camouflage. You're all alone and depressed."
"If there were, you think I'd tell you people?"
She pfawed and then changed the subject. "Hey, we're all going track cycling this weekend. Dad's even threatening to bring his creaky ass. You coming?"
"I'll ask Charis."
"Great idea. She's looking real good tonight, by the way. Is she dating someone?"
I fixed her with a hard stare. "You are not fucking gonna set Sloane up with one of your friends, Winona. How's your love life?"
She sighed. "Low blow, bro. All right, I'll tell you what. If none of these ladies fix your little wagon, then I've got someone that I know will. Her name is Elianna and she is-mmph-" French-style kissy noise-"exquisite."
"I know about Elianna, thanks."
"What? How can you know? It's my big surprise."