"I just … I was trying to remind myself why the thoughts I was thinking were wrong. I didn't have even the slightest idea you might have wanted anything to happen. I thought you'd be grossed out by the idea."
"Reggie must not have taught you very much about men. Remember your grandmother's funeral?" When she looked puzzled, I jabbed her shoulder. "When I held you close, there you were, crying, and there I was with my dick hurting, it was so hard. I nearly did something about it, too, funeral or not."
Charis took a deep, shuddering breath. "Well, it was a bad idea. I don't regret anything."
Maybe she was right. But there were still things I regretted. I regretted how much time I'd been with Aura. Not all of our time together. But some.
At least with Aura, I'd learned how to stay faithful to a woman. How to get to Stage Three and control my cock. I'd learned what I wanted in a woman beyond the physical. What I wanted in a relationship.
What I needed.
Now I knew Charis had it.
She wasn't the person I knew.
She was more than that.
I could deal. I'd adjust.
She was worth it.
Slowly I said, "I regret wasted time. Stupid mistakes. Blindness."
"No harm done." She gave an unconvincing snort.
What were her words? I've fantasized about tearing her eyes out.
"Yeah," I said, gathering her in my arms. "You're just like Ellen Ripley in her Power Loader. Badass and tough as nails."
"Speaking of Sigourney Weaver, you know what we should do?" Charis said brightly. "Watch Ghostbusters and then Galaxy Quest and then Aliens all in a row. Never give up, never surrender!" She punched the air.
She was trying to make light of it all. Charis acted immune to hurt, but it was a guise. She wore her toughness like a shell. Underneath that shell she was all curled in and vulnerable.
Getting her to admit it wouldn't be easy, like it would be for me. I took risks every day, in my work, in my investments, in my social life. I was used to taking punches and rolling with them. But somebody like Charis couldn't afford to show her weaknesses.
"Well," I drawled, "I don't mind telling you I wish we'd been more than friends all this time. You know me, Sloane. The one thing I hate more than anything is wasting time. I'm going to fuck you now, because I'm not wasting any more time not fucking you."
Charis swallowed. "It's still hard for me to believe you want me like that. Wait," as my face darkened, "No, listen. I believe it on one level. It's just that I'm like the Chippendale Mupp, the message hasn't traveled to my brain."
"I'll help you with that." I hefted her up and slung her over my shoulder.
"Asher!"
"I'm gonna take you so hard you'll black out, Sloane. When my cock is stretching you out, you won't have any doubts about how much I want you."
"You can't be serious, Asher, you-ah!"
That was in response to my affectionate smack on her ass. I marched upstairs with her draped over me. "I am very serious. I'm a horny guy and I take the needs of my cock very seriously. It's been telling me for quite a while that it needs entry into your pussy. We've reached countdown. So fire those engines, sweetness. "
She made strangled sounds. I caressed her ass, my mind running a glorious picture frame. She lay on my huge, springy bed, and I was front and center driving into her. Standard missionary fare, dominating and sweaty and animal. It made me dizzy to think about.
"This is … different," she huffed.
Halfway up, I let her slide down my body and gave her bottom a pinch. "So now I've noticed this sweet little ass you have here, I've decided that one day soon I'm getting a personal show of your dance moves. You are officially allowed to wave your ass in my face doing your zumba thing any time."
That sent her into hysterics. Somewhere in there I could detect the same wildness I was feeling. We were both overstimulated and overexcited. My urgency was probably firing hers as we raced up the stairs.
Until we rounded the landing and she held back.
"Wait, I'm not sure-"
"No point." I tugged her with me backwards. "Come on, Sloane. This is it. We do not pass go, we go directly to bed and then you're not leaving my arms for at least six hours."
"Just maybe we should go back downstairs. Asher, take it easy, hold on, just wait a second!"
Wait? For what? Her lips were red and full; her nipples were pushing her shirt. I could smell her arousal. She was in heat and I was in rut, past ready to seal our union .
I stalked her, hopping to the side when she skipped away. When the wall brought her up short, I moved in and pinned her with my body.
That's when she gave me her Big Sister look.
I returned with my widest grin. "Unless you literally tell me no here, Sloane, I'm going to keep on going caveman on you."
"Well, what if I don't like it?"
I was being very patient, I thought. "Then you tell me no."
"What if I don't want to tell you no?"
"Then you like it."
"Aha! That's circulus in probando. Circular reasoning, dude!"
This as I was yanking her polo and bra out of the way-the latter a tiny scrap of nothing I decided to use for my own ends. I shoved up her shirt, using the elastic of the bra to trap it and leave it bunched up under her arms.
"I have some bad news for you, Sloane. Your bra's no match for your nipples." I swiped my fingers over those beautiful tips.
She gasped.
"If you want, we'll do it here," I went on, kissing down to her breast. "You wanna, sweetness? I'll fuck you right against the wall if that pleases you."
She made a gasping sound.
"Of course I'd rather have you in a bed, but … "
"I just-Asher, I just don't want-I mean I know you've changed the sheets, but-"
"But what?"
"Oh, hell. I don't want to be thinking of Aura the whole time!"
CHAPTER 24
Two Years Ago-The Jealousy Conversation
Charis: Are you ever jealous of anyone? Maybe your brothers and sisters? Stop laughing. It's a simple question.
Asher: Why would I be?
Charis: I don't know, they're older? Karl's more good-looking?
Asher: Oh puhlease.
Charis: Everyone's jealous of someone, Asher. Who is it for you?
Asher: Nobody. Quit that, I'm not lying. Jealousy is pointless. If you want something somebody else has, simple, you go after it.
Charis: But you can't have everything.
Asher: So you let it go. Jealousy's bad news.
Charis: I don't buy it. We can't control the feelings we have. You are human, Asher Norrell, ergo you get jealous.
Asher: I honestly do not.
Charis: I don't know why this is amusing to you. Isn't that your phone? Do you want to get it?
Asher: Text. It can wait. Now what were you saying?
Charis: Okay, let's try it this way. Aren't you ever jealous when Aura looks at another man?
Asher: Nope.
Charis: What about when your brother Doug brought that really stunning girl with the braid to your Memorial Day picnic, the one who could shoot a bow and arrow?
Asher: The archer. She was hot.
Charis: Yeah, weren't you jealous? Just for a moment, didn't you feel jealous he had her and you didn't?
Asher: Why? For real, Sloane. To be jealous, you have to feel entitled. Entitled to something you don't have a right to. I didn't know the chick. I had no claim on her. Hey, you know who feels entitled? You know who's jealous?
Charis: Um, who?
Asher: I'm not meaning you, dumbass. What would you be jealous of? What was that?
Charis: Nothing. Who is it then? Oh, I know, it's Aura who's jealous.
Asher: Yeah, well, let's not go there, thanks. No, it's Ryanna.
Charis: Ryanna. Your sister Ryanna. The one who's always happy. I love Ryanna. You are out of your mind. She's the last person I'd think of as jealous.
Asher: She once threatened a girl who was going after her boyfriend with death and dismemberment. She's a lioness, Char. Highly territorial. All us Norrells are. Well, except Karl.
Charis: But that's what I'm saying! You're really territorial. I watched you count each and every slice of pizza I stole from you tonight. So why wouldn't you be jealous?
Asher: Nobody tries to take my territory. Wait, no-I concede that was bullshit. Nobody tries worth a damn to take anything I care about. Because I won't let it happen and they know it.
Charis: So hypothetically, if somebody did manage to take what's yours, something you care about, you'd feel jealous.
Asher: Maybe. I guess so, if I gave a shit. Can't really imagine that, though. Can't imagine feeling entitled to something worth anything and letting it slip out of my control.
Charis: Yeah. I have a hard time seeing it, too.