I didn't have the answers, but one thing was sure-the very idea of Charis in heat made my blood cells float.
I said innocently, "Don't you want your coat off?"
She clutched her lapel together. "I'll do it, thanks."
"So do it then."
Her eyes widened to owl-size and she hesitated.
"Take it off," I coaxed.
"What is with you, Norrell? Is this all some huge practical joke and I'm the last one in on it?"
"Nope. I just want you in a coat-free state. There you go, no, don't hang it up, just throw it down somewhere. Wasn't that easy?"
"You're crazy."
I took a few steps backward to give her a good, thorough survey. I had to smirk at the sight before me-a long, slim figure prudishly enclosed in a red polo shirt buttoned all the way up and loosely tucked into a pair of roomy black slacks. No hint of breast or hip. But there was no mistaking her for a guy.
"Now what's funny?"
"I'm not gonna say. A gentleman never insults a lady's clothing."
"Too late, you just did. Besides, we both know I have no fashion sense. So what. Is. Funny."
"Your whole lack-of-men diatribe before, when you go around dressed like that. Only you, Sloane."
"Still not getting it, Norrell." Tough as she tried to talk, she was almost whispering.
"Just that your clothes leave everything to the imagination. If dudes aren't lining up, it's not because of your brain, Sloane, which FYI is sexy as fuck. It's because you hide your body in neutering clothes. Guys have no idea what's under there."
"I don't dress for others," she said fiercely. "I dress the way I like."
"Really? I thought you didn't give a shit how you dressed. That's what you're always saying."
She leaned against the wall in an obvious attempt to look indifferent. "I don't. If guys can't see beyond my clothes, that's their problem. I know you think I dress like a boy."
"Sometimes," I admitted. "But you move like a woman." It was true. Charis had never done the tall-girl slump-a legacy of her ballet dancer mom, probably. Even when we tussled, I'd noticed she twisted and flailed like I'd only seen girls do.
"Oh," she said. "Well, uh … "
"What?"
She chewed on a corner of her lip. "My brain is sexy?"
"As fuck," I agreed, then added the truth I'd barely admitted to myself, looking her up and down deliberately. "I get hard-ons when we debate."
I didn't add, And I tamp them right down because you're forbidden fruit, then I head straight for Aura and fuck her for three hours straight.
Because that would make me look bad.
And I didn't want to look bad to Sloane. I wanted her to admire me.
Abruptly she straightened, her body buzzing with tautness, her hands clenching in and out of fists in a nervous gesture I must have seen her do hundreds of times.
And since I was looking, I also noticed something else. Charis's nipples were pushing the material of her shirt like two furiously pointing fingers.
I didn't bother to hide my stare at those hard, jutting points.
Damn, I liked Charis in heat.
"Oh, babe, that's really … " I let my voice drift off. If I hadn't been looking right at them, I'd have missed how those sweet tips rose again at my words.
"Oh, shit," she choked.
I met her eyes, saw the alarm there. And something else-pupils dilated almost to iris size. A textbook sign of sexual arousal.
What else gave it away? Her mouth, yep: swollen lips. And her chest was rising erratically with her labored breaths.
Inevitably my attention returned to her nipples. Lord, they weren't the shy little things I'd envisioned, not they way they stuck out at the world. No, my bestie's breasts literally stood up and demanded to be suckled, rolled, pinched.
Everything about her was signaling, hot, hot, hot. If she was a robot, I'd have to approve her sensor array.
My tongue felt thick in my mouth. I had the really, really, really strong urge to haul her shirt out of her pants and raise it so I could see exactly what those breasts looked like sans all barriers.
Like before, there was this feeling that she was mine.
As if I had a right to strip her.
But I didn't have that right-yet.
So I merely wrapped my arms around her. I kept my hands at her waist, taking care to maintain a distance between our hips. If she brushed against my cock, which was highly combustible right now, I was truly afraid of what I would do. Screw this up, no doubt.
"This isn't a joke, is it, Asher?"
"Nuh-uh. No joke, sweetness." I wanted to touch the flesh below my splayed fingers, spread them out further to discover just how tight and soft her ass was.
"Well, nor is my engagement to your brother a joke, so stop calling me that."
My hands tightened at the reminder. "I'm not laughing, believe me. If you weren't engaged to Karl, I'd be kissing you right now."
That got me a recoil. But she didn't move away. It wasn't disgust she was feeling. I was pretty sure I knew what that recoil was about.
Our damn age difference.
It had always been there between us, a nasty, intrusive stage hog.
"I'm a man," I said firmly. "Not a kid."
She shook her head frantically. "But it's like you are."
"No," I said. "It's not."
"I took a family psych class, Norrell. The thing is, since your childhood, you've associated me with your sister Mel, so for you it would be the equivalent of incestuous-"
"B.S. Bull and shit. Defecation d'bull. Is that clear enough for you, Sloane? There is no fucking incest here."
Her chin rose. "Mel agrees with me."
"Does she? Maybe you should talk to her again. Not that it really matters what Mel thinks, unless she's the one who wants to kiss you."
She looked skeptical. "This is all happening because you're still in shock over Aura."
"Yeah, no."
"You can't be over Aura already. Seriously, emotions like love don't just disappear overnight."
"They do if they were never all that intense in the first place."
"You and Aura are plenty intense together, believe me." She snorted.
"Were. And that was just sex. Believe me."
"For your information, sex and emotion go hand in hand." She inhaled and raised her finger. "I read a study surveying seventeen through sixty-five-year-olds that found that even amongst those in a non-monogamous relationship, a surprisingly high prop-"
I scoffed, "Listen, you-who-has-no-direct-personal-experience-with-mind-blowing-sex-"
"Wha? How can you know that? What makes you so sure?"
I was very sure, but I didn't know how I knew. "Deny it all you want. Suffice it to say, for a man at least, it is eminently possible to fuck a woman unconscious and forget her an hour later."
"Okay." Her face had gone beautifully red. "Okay, I can see how sex differentiation possibly applies here. But that is not how it was with Aura and don't you even try to tell me it was."
"No," I admitted. "I felt something for her. I loved her insanely at first. Then it became a rollercoaster ride between heaven and hell for years."
"The love-hate duality. Euripides. Poe. Shakespeare." She nodded, slipping out of my hold. I had to fight myself to let her go.
"It wasn't even that strong. And eventually it fizzled into … what it was. You know what, Sloane, if that was love, it was no good to me. I'm not ever dealing with that shit again. I've wised up. Next woman I'm involved with is gonna be secure in her body, sexually confident. She's not gonna play manipulative games. She's gonna make my life better, happier."
I saw her stiffen and cursed myself for my lack of tact. Had I put my foot in it? It must be pretty obvious she was the "next woman" I wanted to be involved with. And she should know she didn't have to worry, she was all those things-well, maybe except the sexually confident part.
Hell, was that her issue? I could have told her it wasn't sexual experience I needed.
What I needed was for my woman to believe in me. Sure, I was guilty of harboring a secret attraction, maybe more than that, for Charis. But that didn't change the fact that I'd loved Aura, I'd been faithful, I'd bent over backward to make us work … and she'd torn me up again and again by doubting me. Her lack of faith in me had wrecked any odds we'd had of succeeding.
And now damned if I wasn't afraid Charis didn't believe me, either.
"Well, good luck with that, Norrell," she said, bending to swipe up her coat. "I hope it all works out for you finding that perfect low-maintenance woman. Now will you please go away? My day is kind of shot. I might as well grade exams."