"Huh? No, I'm not calling it off." I was furious. "The engagement is on."
"After what just happened?"
"You mean the way you kissed me? That has nothing to do with anything." Then realization dawned. "Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Was that what that whole thing was all about? Was that why-you don't want me marrying Karl and so you think if you give me a big ol' smooch I'm going to just call it off!"
"Oh for-yeah, I don't want you throwing your life away like that. But that has nothing to do with what just happened. I took your mouth, Char, because you wanted it. You were leaning into me and you were so ready for it you were practically hyperventilating."
My jaw dropped and I just stood there. Really, what could you even say to such over-the-top arrogance?
Then:
"Go. Get out. Get out!" I was screaming. Me, cheerful lecturer, the epitome of reason, a bastion of control … what can I say, he'd pushed my red button. I grabbed a spring roll off the counter and hurled it at him. "And take your stupid pity kisses with you!"
CHAPTER 12
Two Years Ago-The Tease
Asher: Now it's my turn to ask you a profound question. Do dust mites think of vacuum cleaners as black holes? And if so, do they wonder what's beyond the event horizon? Close your jaw, Sloane. Turnabout's fair play. You get to ask dumb questions, so do I.
Charis: All right, fair enough., Hm, so, event horizon. Is an event horizon like when you're at a fundraiser and the canapes are disgusting and the night goes on forever?
Asher: Yeah, Sloane. That's what it is.
Charis: I thought so. Eek! What was that f-okay, okay, uncle, UNCLE! I was messing with you cause you're always messing with me. I know an event horizon is the edge of a black hole and a black hole has all the crap. ALL THE CRAP, YO!
Asher: Nobody messes with me and gets away with it. Is that the last time? Is it?
Charis: It's the last time, except, okay, I lie, I lie, I'm still gonna mess with you. I'm never gonna stop messing with you. Stop, stop, cease, I'm not ticklish, I'm not, you're wasting your time, bro.
Asher: Bro? Bro? We blood now?
Charis: Not bro!
Asher: That's better.
Asher
I MIGHT HAVE FUCKED UP.
I might have sort of fucked my relationship with Charis all to hell.
By saying she was desperate to be kissed, I might have done that.
On the other hand, what could I have said?
I wanted to fuck your beautiful mouth with my tongue, Char, so I did. And my cock got so hard that when you withdrew it felt like a gut punch.
Yeah, that would fly.
But there it was. I could still taste her, and it had been over twelve hours.
Those silly books my sister Ryanna is always reading where guys take one look at a girl with a magic pussy and fall in love? Raises hand. That's me.
A couple of days ago I was kinda, sorta, half-assedly trying to get along with my girlfriend. Then suddenly that's over and now I have a hard-on that won't quit for my bestie.
I'd become a fictional character.
It was ego-crushing.
Getting the text from Aura from out of the blue didn't help matters.
I'm so upset about our fight. Call me. We need to work this out or I'm afraid we'll be through for real.
I stared at the letters, trying to get them to make sense. What did she mean, afraid?
We were through. The words had been said. The deal had been shaken on. Good-bye, have a nice life.
Maybe I hadn't been sufficiently clear. I dialed her, annoyed.
"Hi, you." Her voice sounded hoarse, shaky.
I felt the glimmerings of guilt, a Pavlovian response to her distress signals. Over the years, I'd let myself be conditioned well. "Aura, there's nothing to talk about. We're done."
"Oh, God." She burst into sobs. "I was so afraid of that. I was so afraid you meant it, Ash. And now you're saying you did. Oh God, oh please, I can't believe it. Oh, God. I can't handle this."
The good news? Her outbursts used to have me riding to the rescue. Now I seemed to have broken the chain somehow. All sense of guilt evaporated. I found myself checking the time on my phone. My last exam of the quarter was in a few hours. Essential to my future or not, I felt obligated to study for it.
"Trust me, you'll be fine."
"Asher, please, there are things you don't know. Things deep in my past I was afraid to share with you. I think it's time. We need to work them out-together. I know we can get past this."
Yeah, a day fucking late and a dollar short. Cruel to be kind it would have to be.
"Aura, we both know there's only one thing that can help you. You need to see a counselor and work out your problems so you can get past this shit."
"I know, I know. If I promise to get therapy, for real this time, will you listen to me? Could you find it in your heart to forgive me?"
It dawned on me that she fully expected me to say yes. "Let me be clear. I hope you get the help you need. But you and me, we're not happening. There's no redeeming this. The probability of our getting back together is zero."
"I can hear anger in your voice. I've hurt you. I didn't know I'd hurt you so much. You're always so strong, I forget how tender you are inside, Ash."
Now she cared? Sure she did. "I'm over it," I said crisply. "Take care of yourself."
I felt her silent fury. If she could have, I have no doubt she'd have slammed the phone down then.
As it was, she disconnected with controlled calm.
I hoped it meant she'd finally accepted reality.
Yet somehow my confidence in that outcome was nonexistent.
KARL WORKED AT A COFFEE shop in the Village. It had been years since I'd visited him at one of his jobs. He'd held a shit ton of them in his life, some at home in Detroit or New Highland, others on the road. One and all, they were short-lived, easy-come, easy go stints.
I halted at seeing my oldest brother leaning on the counter in his coffee clothes smiling at coffee customers, like he lived, ate and breathed coffee, when I knew he hated the stuff. But that was Karl. He didn't care what he did to earn a living.
What didn't surprise me was the line of customers being 90% female. That's also Karl. Actually, it's all of us-all three Norrell boys and even Dad. Hell, probably Grandpa too. Women gravitate toward us. But only Karl is disinterested in relationships. I've seen women get pissed off about it, but that doesn't stop them from fucking him anyway.
I caught his attention. His face brightened into a smile. I didn't take that in any particular way; Karl is always smiling. Always sociable, easygoing, kind of like me … except where I'm driven and motivated, Karl is laid back and apathetic. We're polar opposites, but I've always thought he was a good guy at heart.
Until recent events, that is.
He bent and whispered something into a barista's ear. She beamed up at him and patted his arm in a you-go-ahead gesture.
"How goes it?" he called, untying his apron.
I controlled my volume by speaking between my teeth. "Where do you fucking get off using Sloane?"
He stilled, then threw back his head and laughed. "She told you. I wondered when she'd get around to it. Ain't it grand, kid? Me and your best friend. Who'da thunk it?"
I grabbed his arm and yanked him out the door. "I thought you didn't care about Alice's stuff."
"I don't."
"Then would you mind telling me what's going on?"
"Touchy, aren't we?" He snapped his fingers. "I got it. Exam week. The stress is getting to you. But don't worry, bro, if things fall through in that direction, you can always join me here making lattes."
I didn't let him sidetrack me. "I'm done with exams. They went fine. Why are you being an asshole?"
"Brr, it's cold out here. Asshole, huh? How exactly am I doing that again?"
"By asking Charis to marry you. You're just using her to get your inheritance."
"Well, yeah. I wonder if I should mention the wedding and the whole marriage thing to the family one of these days. What do you think? Would they be interested?"
I'm not easily riled, but right then I was ready to try to bash him. "Try" being the key word here, since in the normal way of things Karl could totally annihilate me and Doug in any kind of fight. Our muscle mass might be similar, but real-world experience defeats recreational tussles in their training value.
I managed to lower my voice to a near-shout. "Why do you even want your inheritance?"
He didn't stop smiling. "Alice cast out an irresistible lure."
"In her will? And what would that be?"
He shook his head. He wasn't going to say. "Boy, you sure are het up about this, Ash. You might consider meditation. You could use some zen. Some calm. It'll help you in life through these rocky periods."
I ignored that. "Break it off."
"Break what off?"
"The stupid engagement."
"Can you call it an engagement when it only lasts a few weeks?" He started jumping around to warm up, puffing air into his hands. "Funny, that didn't even occur to me. Should I get her a ring? Any idea what stones she goes for? It'll have to be small, unless you could lend me a few thousand … ?"