Unforgotten(86)

Then I place my lips to his, feeling the fire of his fever burning me. Feeling the lingering threads of his life reach out to me. Entangle me. Weave together with mine. Creating something that can never be duplicated.

I invite it in, finding solace in the heat. The energy. Letting it spread through me. I commit it to memory. Not knowing how long his lips will stay warm. Not knowing how far away I will be if they cool forever.

Miles?

Months?

Years?

Decades?

Regardless of what happens next, this is what I want to take with me. This is what I want to remember. And even if they win, even if I never return, even if they bring me back and destroy my identity and wipe my mind completely clean, this is what I will always have.

This is what will remain unforgotten.





49

MEANING



I step out into the hallway and close the door behind me. When I reach the living room, Cody looks up from his game. “How is he?”

I shrug. “The same.”

He pauses the game. “I’ll go check on his fluids and get a download of his vitals.”

Cody passes me on the way to the guest room. I stop him right as he’s about to disappear behind the door. “Cody?”

Cody looks at me. “Yeah?”

“If I don’t come back,” I say, my gaze flickering momentarily to Kaelen. “If something happens,” I amend, “take care of him. However you can.”

Cody holds my gaze for a moment, offering me silent agreement, before slipping behind the door. “Good luck” is the last thing he says to me.

“What did you tell him?” Kaelen asks, and I see his expression shift from his usual blank, detached look to one of curiosity and intrigue.

I turn back. “Who? Cody?”

“No,” Kaelen corrects. “Zen. I heard words. I understood each one. But together they are nonsensical.”

The poem. He’s talking about the Shakespeare sonnet.

“You heard me?” I think of the creak I heard outside the door and my voice turns accusing. “Were you listening?”

He raises a single eyebrow and I feel stupid. Of course he heard me. I was only one room away and his hearing is as good as mine. If not better.

“It was a poem,” I admit begrudgingly. I hate that I have to share my last private moment with Zen with Kaelen. That he intruded in it without invitation.

“What’s a poem?” he asks.

“It’s…” I struggle to describe it, wondering what words Zen once used to explain it to me. Because just like Kaelen, in the beginning, I didn’t know what a poem was either. And at one point, it was probably nonsensical to me, too. “It’s like a story,” I try, “but more beautiful. And cryptic. Almost like it’s written in code. You have to really feel the words to understand the meaning.”

“What is the meaning?” he asks.

I bite my lip and look to the floor. “That specific poem is about love. The kind that never goes away.”

“Is that what you feel for Zen?” The bluntness of his question catches me by surprise. But I suppose it’s simply a testament to his nature. His programming. The way he was made. If there’s one thing Alixter hated about me it was the fact that I fell in love. And that means it’s pretty safe to say that Kaelen was created without that ability. Alixter would have made sure not to make the same mistake twice.

So I guess I can’t really expect him to understand anything I say about Zen. But I answer regardless. “Yes.”

“What does it feel like?”

I stop and think. I’ve never actually had to describe it before. I’m not even sure I can. And even if I could, I know for a fact it wouldn’t have any impact on Kaelen. He’s clearly so intricately conditioned, whatever I say is going to sound like gibberish to him.

But I decide to make an attempt anyway. For Zen.

“It feels like…” I begin hesitantly, “… falling from the sky.”

As I suspected, confusion registers on Kaelen’s face.

“Thrilling and terrifying at the same time,” I add.

Kaelen ponders for a while. “Falling from the sky equals death.”

I bite my lip to keep from laughing. “Only if there’s a ground underneath you,” I counter.

“There is.”

I shrug. “But what if there wasn’t? What if you simply fell forever? Never knowing if there was a ground beneath you or not.”

“It’s not possible,” Kaelen rationalizes. “Unless you were falling in a vacuum.”

I smile. “So maybe that’s what love is. Falling in a vacuum.”

I sneak a peek at Kaelen out of the corner of my eye. His face is very serious and intense. “That does not sound enjoyable,” he finally concludes.