“It’s all right,” he tells me.
I nod and stare back at him, trying to match the determination on his face with an expression of my own. But I’m feeling far less confident than he looks right now.
“This time, I want you to come to me,” he says, keeping his voice calm and even.
I immediately shake my head. Without even taking the time to think about it. There’s nothing to think about. I can’t do that. I simply can’t.
But Zen is one step ahead of me. “You can do this.”
I shake my head again. I can already feel my legs starting to tremble. Readying to flee. Like springs coiling in anticipation.
“Yes, you can.”
“Zen … I—” I start to say.
But he quickly interrupts. “It’s just like every other night. Fight against it. You are stronger than your instincts.”
I close my eyes, focusing on that sensation that’s starting to blaze through my legs like fire, screaming at me to run the other way. To get as far away from here as possible.
I swallow hard and try to push it down. Deep down. Until I can’t hear it anymore.
“Run toward me,” Zen commands from a few yards away. “You can do this. I am your enemy. Everything you fear. Everything you hate.”
The woods are deathly still and silent. As though all the animals and insects and leaves are eagerly waiting to see what will happen. Holding their breath in anticipation. I can see Zen breathing deeply. Puffing himself up. Preparing for what I’m still not sure I can do.
And then he lets out a low, guttural growl. “ATTACK ME!”
My eyes snap open. I don’t give my muscles any time to think. I don’t give that deep-rooted instinct any time to argue. I charge forward, running straight toward him. He widens his stance, crouching slightly to stabilize himself better.
I crash into him. He staggers but stays upright. His hand cuts through the air as he aims a left hook at my face. I duck and return with a roundhouse kick that catches Zen squarely in the shins. He yelps and goes down but is back on his feet in an instant, panting for air.
I can’t! I hear a voice inside me scream. I can’t do this!
I eye the narrow path back to the house, every muscle in my body wanting to take it. Wanting to retreat. The forest calls to me. The calm of the escape. The security of those trees.
I take a step toward them.
“No!” Zen yells. “Don’t do it. Don’t listen! You’re stronger than them. They don’t control you anymore. You don’t belong to Diotech.”
I suck in a sharp breath.
He’s said it. For the first time since we arrived, he’s said their name. Aloud. For anyone to hear. Including them.
But it worked. My head whips back toward him. A bitter, furious energy swells inside me. I gaze intensely into his eyes. My teeth clenched. My muscles burning.
He throws a punch toward my stomach.
I block it with ease.
Another aimed at my chest.
Blocked.
A third flies at my face.
But it’s sloppy and unformed. Desperate. I catch his fist mid-swing and twist it until he’s forced to spin around and press his back into me. I’ve got him in a vulnerable position, which means it’s time to finish him. Fast. I kick my right leg out, wrap it around his calf, and yank hard. Just as Zen taught me. His head snaps back and his body collapses against the carpeting of leaves and moss. I don’t waste a second waiting to see if he’s able to get up again. I’m immediately on top of him, one knee on the ground, the other crushing his chest. I jam the heel of my hand squarely against his windpipe. His chin juts up in response. With my strength, all it would take is one tiny ounce of pressure and he’d be dead.
Zen twists, trying to get away. I push my knee down harder against his rib cage until I hear him groan and he stops struggling. I stay still in my position, poised to take his life at the slightest provocation, until I hear him gasp, “Good,” through his constricted throat.
I remove my palm and release my leg, bringing it down to the other side of his torso. Zen coughs slightly as the air returns to his lungs and then pushes himself onto his elbows and grins up at me with unabashed pride.
It takes me a moment to register what just happened. It’s almost as though my mind simply vacated my body during those brief few seconds. Shut off. I blink and look down at Zen, still pinned beneath me, looking happier than I’ve seen him in a long time.
“You did it,” he tells me.
“I did?” I’m still somewhat dazed.
“Yes!”
I did it. I can hardly believe it. I fought my instinct to run. To flee. I was able to combat the very programming of my DNA.
I was able to fight.
When the scientists at Diotech created me, they tweaked my genetic code to give me a flight-over-fight instinct. To make me a deer, not a lion. Which means that every time I’m presented with a perceived threat or danger, I will run away from it. Without even giving myself time to think. It was feared that if I ever decided to rebel against the people who had created me, and tried to fight against them, with my superior strength, I would surely win. So my DNA was coded this way as a precaution.