“I want to stop running,” I tell Alixter. The truth feels amazing. “And I want Zen to live a long, happy life.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “You can’t have both. I will always find you, Seraphina. No matter where you go.”
“Yes, I can.”
And with that, I transfer both antidotes to one hand and slowly unravel the long silver chain of my locket from around my wrist. Holding it in the other hand, I hoist the necklace high over my head, letting it drip down my now fully healed wrist. Then I elevate the two vials as well, dangling them precariously in the air.
Zen will never be safe as long as I am near him. As long as I love him.
And that makes my choice easy.
With an exhale, I release one hand, allowing the contents to fall to the floor. Then I raise my foot and with all my strength, thrust it downward. There’s a horrible crunching sound as the object crushes and breaks and shatters, becoming useless.
I lift my shoe, revealing the destroyed locket underneath. The key to my escape.
The heart that will forever remain broken. For as long as I live.
65
DECEIVED
“Save Zen,” I tell Alixter. “Take one of these doses, send Kaelen back, and cure him. Then you can have the other and I will stay here. I won’t run anymore. I won’t try to escape. I am yours.”
Alixter narrows his cold blue eyes, clearly not trusting me. Clearly thinking this is another trick. Like the one I pulled on him last time we were in this position. In the cave.
But this time I’m not bluffing. I’m not playing games.
This is the only place I will ever fit in. The only place where I can’t hurt anyone.
“I’ll go,” Kaelen says, stepping forward again. “I’ll administer the antidote.”
He holds his hand out to me.
I lock onto his gaze, feeling my face warm from the connection. And although his eyes have turned back to that cold, lifeless bluish green—a sparkle with no soul—when he stares at me, I see a flash of life. I see a hint of the other Kaelen. That same glint that I saw on the submarine. When he became someone else. Someone not controlled by a mad scientist.
But someone real.
And yet, once again, there’s a nagging voice in my head questioning everything. Wondering if now I’m the one who’s being tricked. Kaelen has already shown his allegiance to Alixter and Diotech. He’s already chosen Alixter over me. So again, how can I be sure that he’s not deceiving me? That he was ever the person I thought he was?
How can I know that if I hand these vials over, Kaelen will actually do as he says? How can I know he won’t just turn around and give them both right to Alixter?
The reality is, I can’t.
I never will.
Kaelen holds my gaze tightly and offers me the slightest of nods. His lips barely move as he speaks to me in that low whisper that only I can hear. “Trust me,” he says.
And I realize that I have to.
I nod and slowly slip the two vials into his outstretched fingers. He backs away, out of my reach. There’s nothing I can do now.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Alixter smile, looking triumphant.
“Very good,” he says. “Now, Kaelen, hand them over to me.”
But Kaelen doesn’t move. Once again, he’s trapped between us, his face twitching as the debate is waged under his skin.
“Kaelen,” Alixter repeats, his voice full of warning and balancing on the edge of rage. “Hand them over NOW.”
I don’t speak. I know my words won’t do anything. Either Kaelen has it in him to defy Alixter or he doesn’t. My voice won’t change that. He looks to me, his eyes searching for help. Searching for guidance.
All I can offer him at this point is a quiet smile. Then I close my eyes and wait.
Alixter is getting angrier and angrier. He’s on the verge of screaming. “Agent, this is a direct order. Hand over the antidote or there will be consequences.”
I keep my eyes shut tight. If Kaelen betrays me, I don’t want to see it. I just hope that they’ll deactivate me quickly and I’ll wake up with no memory of this moment. Then at least I won’t have to live with the betrayal for long.
I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. I can feel the sweat dripping cold down my back.
There’s a loud commotion. A crash. My eyes snap open and I see another pile of books on the ground and an empty shelf above it.
I assume they must have already been hanging off the edge from my earlier scuffle and that gravity has just now completed its task, but for some reason, I don’t remember crashing into that particular shelf.
My confusion, however, comes screeching to a halt when I see Kaelen slowly approaching Alixter’s hovering chair. The two full vials of liquid salvation resting in his outstretched palm.