Unforgiven(83)

“So you used me?”
I swallow hard and look directly at him. “I was so messed up. Pills, alcohol, starving myself.” I hang my head in disgust at myself and my behaviors. “I think it’s fair to say I used you. I used you to try to feel something—anything. I was lonely and wanted to be wanted. The only thing it did was hurt you and make me hate myself.”
“Nice,” he says sarcastically.
“I’m sorry, Jonah. I never wanted to hurt you. Honestly, you and I are in such different places in our lives. Even if I wasn’t in love with someone else, I’m not sure we would have been a good fit together.”
“So that’s it?” He exhales loudly. “You’re sorry, you feel bad… yada yada yada.”
“Jonah, please don’t be like that.”
“Like what? Upset?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I am upset. Goddammit, Lindsay, the last time I saw you, you were driving away with some guy I’d never seen. Do you know how worried I was? I called and left you numerous voicemails and text messages and you never responded. Now all you can say is ‘I’m sorry?’ He drops his hands from his head and walks over to me, resting his hands on top of my shoulders at the base of my neck. His thumbs rub my neck and he tilts my head back so that I’m looking directly at him. “Give me one more night,” he whispers, his voice strained. “I need one more night with you, Lindsay.” His eyes are red and his voice pulls with emotion. “Let me show you how I feel.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
“So am I.” He leans in to kiss me and I pull away from him. His face twists in disgust.
“Are you done?” he asks abruptly, startling me. I nod my head. “Good; you can leave now.”
I feel defeated. I didn’t expect Jonah to be happy, but I didn’t expect him to be so angry. I walk as fast as I can to the door and open it. I look back over my shoulder at him standing in the exact place I left him.
“I’m sorry, Jonah. I hope you can forgive me.” He doesn’t reply before I shut the door and hurry back to my condo.
I spend the evening on my balcony eating Thai food from a takeout container and watching the city bustling below me. I never took advantage of my patio and the amazing views of Phoenix it had to offer. I watch the sun set and the city lights come to life twenty-two stories below me. Closing up the patio and closing the curtains, I run a bath and spend the next hour soaking in a bubble bath and reading. I have a late morning flight to Orange County and about a ninety-minute drive to Santa Ruiz. I sent a text message to Gabe and he confirmed Jess would be home and he was grateful to hear I was coming. I change into my pajamas and finish reading in bed for another hour, finishing another novel before falling quickly to sleep.
I wake refreshed and ready for California. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and pack my small carry-on suitcase. I box up the last remaining items in a small box and tape it shut. I leave Mike a note on the counter, thanking him again for shipping these boxes back to me. I close all the curtains in the condo and turn the air conditioner off, just as it was when I arrived two days ago. Pulling my suitcase behind me, I juggle my oversized handbag on my shoulder as I close the condo door and lock it, closing yet another chapter in my story.
I wait in the lobby of my building for the cab to arrive and I text Landon to let him know that I’m on my way to California. I glance at my reflection in the mirrored wall and smile with my progress. Even in short cut-off jean shorts and a cream three-quarter sleeve blouse, I can see my curves coming back. My face is fuller and the dark circles from under my eyes are gone. I look refreshed. My hair hangs long and loose and I have chunky gold jewelry on and brown strappy sandals.
I hear a horn honk and see the yellow cab at the curb. Pulling my suitcase, I push the glass doors open and out into the Phoenix heat for the last time. I glance over my shoulder and back at my building just in time to see Jonah running toward me.#p#分页标题#e#
“Lindsay,” he says, out of breath. The cab driver exits the car and lifts my suitcase, putting it in the trunk.
“Jonah,” I say, scrunching my eyebrows together in confusion. This is a far cry from the Jonah I left upset in his condo yesterday.
“I had to see you one last time before you go.” Sweat trickles from his hairline and down his temple. I look back at the cab and the driver is back in his seat, tapping his finger on the steering wheel.
“I have to go,” I mumble and motion to the cab over my shoulder. In two strides, Jonah invades my space. He grabs my head with his hands and pulls me into a kiss. Just as quickly as he kisses me, he releases me and steps back. Laughing hysterically, he looks at me, his brown eyes wild, and a giant smile spread across his tan face. “That’s because you’re beautiful. You’ll never be just one night to me. Good luck to you, Lindsay Lou!” And as fast as he ran up to me, he’s gone. The cab driver shakes his head as I slide into the back seat, wondering what in the hell just happened.