“Doesn’t matter.” She looks away from me.
“Where were you getting them? They are a controlled substance, Lindsay. I know you’re not getting them from a doctor—the baggie Jess found next to you had enough pills to tranquilize eight horses.” She shrugs timidly. Her hands are shaking and her chin trembles.
“My next-door neighbor has a friend…” I roll my eyes. Of course she was getting them from a street dealer. Fuck.
“That preppy little fuck that lives next door to you? I saw him in the hallway when I left. You’re getting them from a street dealer?”
“Don’t blame Jonah. He’s been trying to help me.”
“What else has Jonah been helping you with?” I raise my voice again and I smack the arm of the chair I’m sitting in. She flinches and backs away. “Never mind; don’t answer that.”
“I’m sorry, Matt,” she says again, and all I can do is nod my head. “I never wanted to hurt you—ever.”
“You did, Lindsay. You fucking destroyed me,” I admit like a pussy. “From the day I met you, I was madly in love with you. I never in a million years thought you’d leave me—let alone let another man touch you.” I stare off into the dark backyard while she stands silently watching me.
Her breaths come deep and harsh. Her tiny body shakes as she tries to speak. “I will always love you, Matt, but it kills me to know you’re not happy. I need you to be happy,” she sobs.
“The thing about love, Lindsay, is that when you love someone, you put all of their needs above your own. I need you healthy—mentally and physically. That is the only way I’ll ever be happy. I need to know you’re safe. So it looks like we’re stuck in a vicious little cycle here.” Her eyes blink rapidly. “You know I’ll always love you, but you made your choice and it wasn’t me. You never have to question my love for you—ever. But you need to learn to love yourself. No one is perfect, Lindsay—you never will be. That’s what I always loved about you—all your flaws and all your scars, but you need to learn to love them too. You left me to find yourself, your career—and now that’s what I’m doing—finding myself.” Her chin trembles and tears fall from her downcast eyes onto her sunken cheeks. “You should probably go.”
She walks quickly to the patio door and into the kitchen. She pauses and looks around the kitchen while she grabs her purse from the counter. I follow her through the kitchen and into the living room at the exact time that Melissa walks through the front door. Shit.
“Sorry I’m late,” Melissa says loudly, almost running directly into Lindsay as she’s leaving. The women both stand stunned, looking at each other for mere seconds, registering each other’s presence.
“Lindsay,” Melissa says just above a whisper. “Good to see you.”
“You too, Melissa,” Lindsay chokes out before looking back over her shoulder at me, tears streaming down her face. She steps around Melissa quickly and disappears out the front door. Melissa remains still, stunned just as I was when I saw Lindsay.
“I didn’t know she was going to be here. Is she okay?” Melissa asks as I stand planted in front of the large window and watch as Lindsay sits in Reagan’s SUV parked in the driveway, her head resting on the steering wheel.
“I didn’t know she was going to be here either.”
“She didn’t look good,” Melissa says, an observation which instantly pisses me off, but I shove the anger down and just get to business.
“Here’s the house key.” I reach for the single key that sits on the sofa table just inside the front door. “Just set the mail on the kitchen counter, and that’s the only plant I have.” I point to the houseplant that Reagan gave me to breathe some life into this house. “Give it a little water once a week.” I turn just in time to see the red taillights of Reagan’s SUV disappear down the street. I turn back to Melissa. “Any questions?”
“No.”
“Good. I’ll message you once I’m back for the key. Thanks again for watching the house.” I know I’m being short, but I want her gone.
“You’re welcome,” she says, quietly leaving me alone. I sit on the couch and stare at the packed suitcase and backpack and second-guess my trip to Europe.
A million memories and a million more things I should have said, or apologized for, flash through my head as I drive back to Landon and Reagan’s house. I should never have stopped by Matt’s unannounced, nor do I have any right to be hurt or angry at seeing Melissa at his house—but I am. My heart aches.