“I eat,” I say, looking away from her.
“What do you eat and when? Lindsay, you’ve lost so much weight since I’ve seen you last. And yes, that was a long time ago, but you’re too skinny.” I nod my head and swallow tightly. “I’m worried about you.” I turn and look at her. “Look at this place. Lindsay, you always have everything immaculate. You never left anything less than perfect; you were borderline OCD.” I shrug and watch her as she walks around the island and stands next to me.
“Talk to me,” she says quietly. I lift the wine glass and press it against my lips. I take a large drink of the wine and set it on the counter in front of me.
“Everything has gone to hell,” I stutter. Jess leans against the island and pushes herself up on the counter. She sits in front of me and crosses her legs. “I just don’t care about anything anymore.”
“I’m all ears; let’s work this out.” She offers me a tight smile.
“Jess, there’s nothing to work out. I’ve fucked up everything.”
“What have you fucked up?”
“My career, Matt… just everything.”
“Start from the beginning.” She leans over and pulls her glass of wine to her. “We’ve got all night and then some.” I watch Jess as she settles in, on top of my cold granite counter, making herself at home. Her long, brown, wavy hair hangs loose over her shoulders and her long, tan legs twist into a knot as she sits cross-legged on my counter.#p#分页标题#e#
“Wait!” she says, hopping off the counter and walking over to the microwave, pulling out the bag of freshly popped popcorn. She pulls at the edges of the paper bag it’s popped in and dumps the popcorn into a bowl. She walks back around and resumes her cross-legged position on the kitchen island with the bowl of popcorn tucked neatly in her lap.
“Okay, go. From the beginning and don’t leave anything out.” She raises her eyebrows at me in warning. I take another sip of wine and then a deep breath. My palms are sweating and I can feel my emotions teetering on the edge of a steep cliff, waiting to spill over. My chin quivers lightly as I begin.
“Matt and I quietly started seeing each other about two years ago, but you knew that.” I get lost momentarily in the memories of our first date, our first kiss… so many firsts together. “We never really dated; we just kind of settled into each other’s lives and never left. Our relationship progressed quickly, but everything about it was right. From the beginning we were inseparable. We both had our careers and our personal lives were great. I found my mom.” I take a quick sip of wine and let it slide down my throat. “That is another story, for another time.” Jess nods and pulls a handful of popcorn from the bowl. “We didn’t announce we were together or seeing each other until just a couple of months ago.”
“Why?” Jess asks, scrunching her eyebrows in confusion.
“Because he’s Landon’s best friend and ex-partner at work, and it was just weird. Plus, it became the worst kept secret in the history of relationships.” I roll my eyes.
“I’m marrying my best friend’s older brother. I get it.” She smiles at me. “Go on.”
“Anyway, Jack, my agent had been pressing me to take a job outside of WXZI. He kept telling me I’m better than the small market and that I belong in a top twenty market. So he started looking, quietly putting out feelers. Less than a week later, I had this offer on the table.” I sit up a little straighter and set my wine glass on the counter. Jess leans over and tops it off with the open bottle that is sitting next to her.
“Jess, you know I love my job. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else…”
“But…”
“But, everything just happened so fast. I made irrational decisions based on what I thought I wanted or needed, and I destroyed everything in taking this job. I lost Matt, now I’ve fucked up this job because of some pretentious bitch-hole.” I clear my throat. “Everything I’ve loved has or is slipping through my fingers.”
“Back up. What happened with Matt?”
“Everything,” I mumble. Rubbing my head, I continue, “I remember the look on his face when he heard me tell Jack that I’d take this job in Phoenix. It wasn’t even anger; it was pure sadness and devastation. I’d chosen a job over him. He would have never chosen anything over me. I destroyed him in a matter of seconds. Who does that to the one person that means more to them than anyone else in the world? Me.”
“Shit, Linds,” Jess says quietly.