See? Sucked.
I also had to tell Charlene I was abandoning her.
It was arguable but this might suck more. I’d get back to Creed. I was losing Charlene, Adam, Leslie and Theo and they were losing me.
I felt shit about this because I promised I’d be there for her. I also felt shit about this because she was doing my admin part-time, she needed the money and that would die away.
Creed, being Creed, solved this problem. He farmed his admin out to an agency. He had no emotional ties to them and it was also part-time. He said it didn’t matter who did it or where they did it which meant he could yank it from the agency and give it to Charlene.
But that didn’t solve the problem of her losing her lawn guy, her morning helpers or the moral support coming from next door.
In my heart, I knew she’d survive. She was that kind of person. It might take a while to get used to it but she would eventually find her way to the bright side of life. I also knew that she’d be happy for me, finding Creed, living my life with him, starting a family.
So it wasn’t about Charlene, as such.
It was about me.
I’d miss her.
Back in the day, when Creed disappeared and I found myself owned by Richard Scott, all my girlfriends abandoned me. I didn’t really blame them. Suddenly, without an explanation, I was what the town saw as the local pimp and drug dealer’s girlfriend. Although Jason Dixon had been telling people for ages he banged me, no one believed him and no one but no one, not even my girlfriends, knew about Creed.
Needless to say, being with Richard did not do wonders for my reputation.
People talked about me. People speculated. People said shit things behind my back, gave me ugly looks, sometimes even said things straight to my face. I’d learned to live with it and I’d learned to live without friends.
That didn’t mean having one again didn’t mean everything to me.
Fortunately, two days after Knight released Creed, Hawk Delgado called me. He had a job and not only was he interested in contracting with me, he also asked if Creed was still in town. Since Creed was and since Creed was good with hanging around longer and taking another job, Hawk hired both of us.
The job paid well and Hawk expected it to last a month so I had a reprieve. More time with Creed in Denver. More time to get my shit sorted. A couple more weekends with his kids before I moved in completely.
But I had to tell Charlene. She had to prepare.
And I had to prepare to lose her and the kids.
“Creed and I are trying for a baby,” I repeated what I’d said two seconds before.
Charlene blinked at me.
Then she turned her head to the window and stared blankly out of it.
I turned my head that way too and saw Creed’s tee drenched in sweat, the ends of his hair wet and curling around his neck. He had mirrored shades on and they looked really fucking good on him.
My mouth started watering.
“It’s been three weeks, honey.”
Charlene’s words came at me and I looked at her again.
“I know,” I replied.
She shook her head and reached out to curl her hand around my leg. “I get this. I get him. He’s a good guy. I get that. I get your history. I get it all, but, Sylvie, listen to me. A baby is a big deal.”
“I know that too, Charlene.”
“It changes your whole life. It changes the whole world.”
I put my hand on hers, leaned in and repeated, “I know, Charlene.”
Her hand turned and her fingers curled around mine. “I know you know but I also know you don’t. A baby changes your body. It changes your relationship. It changed the rhythm of your day. You have a child, you can’t drink as much as you do. You absolutely can’t smoke. He’s got two kids. They’ve met you once. They –”
I cut her off, “Creed loves them and they love him and they like me. They’ll be cool. He’ll take care of them. We both will.”
Her hand gave mine a squeeze. “You haven’t even settled into there being a you two again. Nine months, ten months, a year, most of that pregnant, you won’t be able to do that.”
She knew, I explained after we had our drama and got back together that Creed and me were, well, back together. Charlene was Charlene, she said little except she was happy for me.
But, right now, she didn’t get it so I explained, “There was never a time when we weren’t settled into the two of us being the two.”
Her head tipped to the side. “What?”
I leaned closer, lifting her hand and holding it to my chest. “This is Creed.”
“I know, but –”
I shook her hand before I pressed it to my chest. “Charlene, babe, this is Creed.”
She held my eyes as her lips parted.