Unexpectedly Yours(32)

"You're right. I'm in love with Derek." She exhaled a deep breath,  filled with astonishment at hearing herself admit it out loud.

"I knew you were." Amber grinned in triumph.

"But he doesn't love me." Her shoulders slumped again.

"Maybe he does, but he was too scared to admit it in front of you and  Caleb. I mean, it's taken a while for you to confess it to me, and I'm a  sympathetic listener."

Could Amber be right? Could it be possible that Derek did harbor deep feelings for her, but the circumstances hadn't been right?

"He's not the kind of man to bare his soul," she said slowly,  remembering Derek's taut face from this morning when she had yelled at  him and called him an ass. She had really hurt him.

"Especially not to the woman who's already turned down his proposal  before." Amber popped another chocolate in her mouth and chewed for a  few seconds. "You have to tell him how you feel."

Hannah winced. "Put myself out there? It's so scary."

"And never telling him isn't?"

Amber was right. As much as it frightened her to tell Derek the truth,  the prospect of hiding her love from him was even scarier. She had to  overcome her fears of being hurt. And if he rejected her, well, at least  she had tried, and she would know not to expect anything more from him.

Amber shook the box of chocolates under Hannah's nose. "Take one. At least chocolate will always be there for you."

Hannah smiled weakly and picked up a chocolate. Chocolate would always be there for her, but she'd much prefer Derek.



The following morning Hannah had just completed her first visit to the  bathroom when Caleb arrived on her doorstep, clutching a bunch of  flowers.

"Caleb?" She wrinkled her brow at him. "I'm too tired for another argument."   





 

He instantly winced. "I'm not here to argue, I'm here to apologize for  being such a jerk yesterday." He thrust the flowers toward her. "I'm so  sorry, sis."

Relief filtered through her as she accepted her brother's peace offering  and let him inside. "I'm sorry you had to find out like that." She  looked him over. "I suppose Amber said something to you?"

"Yeah, she gave me an earful, but I would've come round anyway." He  shifted on his feet. "The reason I visited you yesterday was to tell you  that whatever happens I've got your back, and I still mean it. You're  not alone, Hannah. I'll always be here for you."

Tears threatened to overwhelm her. Now that she was honest about her  true feelings for Derek, everything felt raw to her sensitized emotions.

"That-that means a lot to me," she murmured, her chin quivering as she squeezed the bunch of flowers.

"Uh … and Dad and Rosalind will come around too, I'm sure of it."

"Yeah," she sniffed, unable to hold back the tears.

"Aw, Hannah." He pulled her into a hug, and she rested her forehead  against his shoulder, the flowers crushed between them. It was good to  have her brother back, good to lean on him for a while. But nothing  would fill the Derek-sized hollow inside her heart except for one man,  and the only way she'd have a chance with him was if she put her fears  aside and laid it all on the line for him.



"You want me to what?" Otto barked at Derek.

"You heard me. You're going to go in there"-Derek nodded at the house  they were parked outside-"and tell Mrs. Pascoe you're sorry for yelling  at her, that you won't do it again, and that you'll be very grateful if  she comes back."

"You told me you were taking me to Costco. You tricked me."

"If you want to go to Costco, then I'm sure Mrs. Pascoe will be happy to  take you, once you've apologized." His grandfather puffed up with  stubbornness, but Derek was in no mood to tiptoe around him. "I don't  want to hear any more of your blustering. You're doing this, Grandpa."

Otto eyed him for a moment, clearly nonplussed by his assertiveness. "What's biting you?"

Only the whole damn world. When Derek had arrived back from Hannah's  house yesterday, he had been physically sick. He had spent the rest of  the day driving aimlessly about, trying and failing to outrun his  churning thoughts. Today, he was still nauseous inside, but he was  determined to forge on. No point in stopping and wallowing in self-pity.

"I'm going back to L.A. tomorrow," he said. "That means we've only got  today to get Mrs. Pascoe back, otherwise we'll have to consider other  alternatives."

That seemed to galvanize his granddad. "Okay, okay, I'll go talk to  her," he grumbled. He climbed out of the car and hobbled toward the  house.

Derek watched him. One problem potentially fixed. The others, not so  much. His gut soured as he recalled Hannah's infuriated expression when  she'd called him an ass and said she deserved better. He'd had far worse  insults hurled at him, but none cut him this deep. His shoulders  heaved, and a weird prickle stung the back of his throat. He hadn't felt  this bad since his mom had dumped him on Otto.

It wasn't just injured pride. He was cut to the bone because Hannah  didn't feel the same way as he did. Now that he was alone and had time  to figure out his feelings, the truth was staring him in the face. He  was in love with Hannah. Not superficial-crush in love, but soul-deep in  love. She owned his heart, whether he liked it or not, forever.

Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead against the wheel as his  emotions rushed out and overwhelmed him. He was so used to masking his  feelings that it hurt to let them out. His ribs were aching, and he had  to gasp for air. God, was this what it was like to be in love with  someone? A few sobs choked out of his throat, and he didn't try to hold  them back.

Eventually the storm passed, and he wiped his face and took some deep  breaths. What was he going to do now? The only thing he could think of  was to carry on as planned. He'd get his granddad sorted and return to  L.A. and … and then what? A terrifying blank opened up in his mind. He  couldn't contemplate a future without Hannah.

Before he could dwell on it, Otto came back with the good news that Mrs.  Pascoe had accepted his apology and would resume looking after him from  tomorrow.

"She's taking me to Costco on Monday," Otto said as they drove home. "She's not a bad old bird."   





 

She was a saint, Derek thought to himself and resolved to give the woman  a raise. Now, there truly was nothing left to keep him here. Tomorrow  he would go back to L.A. But that terrifying blank inside him was bigger  than ever and threatening to swallow him up.



When they reached home, Derek withdrew to the garage. Now that his  granddad's care was sorted, he was free to brood over Hannah's rejection  of him. But instead of letting himself get depressed, he sat at the  workbench with a drawing pad and the piece of English oak, and began  designing the crib. Everything else might be imploding about him, but  crafting something beautiful out of wood was still in his control. As he  sketched out his plans, the thicket of knots inside him loosened, and  each time he touched the wood, he felt himself grow calmer. He wouldn't  stop at a crib. He would make a high chair, too, and a train set, a  rocking horse, a cubby house …

Then, a shadow fell across his workbench, and when he looked up to find  Caleb at the garage door, all that calm vanished, and his barriers  reared up again.

Caleb's hands were shoved into the back pockets of his jeans. His expression was wary. "Can we talk?"

Derek set down his pencil and crossed his arms over his chest. "That depends. Are you going to take another swing at me?"

Caleb's gaze fixed on Derek's jaw as he grimaced. "Sorry about that. Does it hurt?"

"Nope." Nothing dished out by Caleb's fist could hurt as much as words. "Whaddaya want?"

"Uh, I came here to apologize for the things I said yesterday."

Was it only yesterday morning when he'd woken up in Hannah's bed? He'd  thought it might be the start of something new between them, but then  everything had crashed and burned as soon as Caleb had turned up and  shoved the cold, hard truth down Derek's throat.

"Which things in particular?" He wasn't in a very charitable mood.

"About-about you not being good enough for Hannah." Caleb's face screwed up with agitation. "I never meant that, man."

"Then why did you say it?" Derek's ribs had started to ache.

"This … this is hard to admit, but I've always envied the way women fall  at your feet. In high school, you had the prettiest girls running after  you, and then you moved to L.A. and suddenly you're dating hot women  like Marla Beaudry. And then you visit here for like two seconds and you  even have my sister falling for you. It's like, I dunno, black magic or  something. You've always had tons of it, while I can only manage a lame  card trick."

Derek stared at his friend, stunned almost speechless. "You're jealous of that?"

"It's stupid, I know."

Derek dragged a hand over his face, not sure how to respond. "Caleb, you  know what I envy about you? The way you can make friends so easily with  anybody, anywhere, anytime."