"You're right. I'm in love with Derek." She exhaled a deep breath, filled with astonishment at hearing herself admit it out loud.
"I knew you were." Amber grinned in triumph.
"But he doesn't love me." Her shoulders slumped again.
"Maybe he does, but he was too scared to admit it in front of you and Caleb. I mean, it's taken a while for you to confess it to me, and I'm a sympathetic listener."
Could Amber be right? Could it be possible that Derek did harbor deep feelings for her, but the circumstances hadn't been right?
"He's not the kind of man to bare his soul," she said slowly, remembering Derek's taut face from this morning when she had yelled at him and called him an ass. She had really hurt him.
"Especially not to the woman who's already turned down his proposal before." Amber popped another chocolate in her mouth and chewed for a few seconds. "You have to tell him how you feel."
Hannah winced. "Put myself out there? It's so scary."
"And never telling him isn't?"
Amber was right. As much as it frightened her to tell Derek the truth, the prospect of hiding her love from him was even scarier. She had to overcome her fears of being hurt. And if he rejected her, well, at least she had tried, and she would know not to expect anything more from him.
Amber shook the box of chocolates under Hannah's nose. "Take one. At least chocolate will always be there for you."
Hannah smiled weakly and picked up a chocolate. Chocolate would always be there for her, but she'd much prefer Derek.
The following morning Hannah had just completed her first visit to the bathroom when Caleb arrived on her doorstep, clutching a bunch of flowers.
"Caleb?" She wrinkled her brow at him. "I'm too tired for another argument."
He instantly winced. "I'm not here to argue, I'm here to apologize for being such a jerk yesterday." He thrust the flowers toward her. "I'm so sorry, sis."
Relief filtered through her as she accepted her brother's peace offering and let him inside. "I'm sorry you had to find out like that." She looked him over. "I suppose Amber said something to you?"
"Yeah, she gave me an earful, but I would've come round anyway." He shifted on his feet. "The reason I visited you yesterday was to tell you that whatever happens I've got your back, and I still mean it. You're not alone, Hannah. I'll always be here for you."
Tears threatened to overwhelm her. Now that she was honest about her true feelings for Derek, everything felt raw to her sensitized emotions.
"That-that means a lot to me," she murmured, her chin quivering as she squeezed the bunch of flowers.
"Uh … and Dad and Rosalind will come around too, I'm sure of it."
"Yeah," she sniffed, unable to hold back the tears.
"Aw, Hannah." He pulled her into a hug, and she rested her forehead against his shoulder, the flowers crushed between them. It was good to have her brother back, good to lean on him for a while. But nothing would fill the Derek-sized hollow inside her heart except for one man, and the only way she'd have a chance with him was if she put her fears aside and laid it all on the line for him.
"You want me to what?" Otto barked at Derek.
"You heard me. You're going to go in there"-Derek nodded at the house they were parked outside-"and tell Mrs. Pascoe you're sorry for yelling at her, that you won't do it again, and that you'll be very grateful if she comes back."
"You told me you were taking me to Costco. You tricked me."
"If you want to go to Costco, then I'm sure Mrs. Pascoe will be happy to take you, once you've apologized." His grandfather puffed up with stubbornness, but Derek was in no mood to tiptoe around him. "I don't want to hear any more of your blustering. You're doing this, Grandpa."
Otto eyed him for a moment, clearly nonplussed by his assertiveness. "What's biting you?"
Only the whole damn world. When Derek had arrived back from Hannah's house yesterday, he had been physically sick. He had spent the rest of the day driving aimlessly about, trying and failing to outrun his churning thoughts. Today, he was still nauseous inside, but he was determined to forge on. No point in stopping and wallowing in self-pity.
"I'm going back to L.A. tomorrow," he said. "That means we've only got today to get Mrs. Pascoe back, otherwise we'll have to consider other alternatives."
That seemed to galvanize his granddad. "Okay, okay, I'll go talk to her," he grumbled. He climbed out of the car and hobbled toward the house.
Derek watched him. One problem potentially fixed. The others, not so much. His gut soured as he recalled Hannah's infuriated expression when she'd called him an ass and said she deserved better. He'd had far worse insults hurled at him, but none cut him this deep. His shoulders heaved, and a weird prickle stung the back of his throat. He hadn't felt this bad since his mom had dumped him on Otto.
It wasn't just injured pride. He was cut to the bone because Hannah didn't feel the same way as he did. Now that he was alone and had time to figure out his feelings, the truth was staring him in the face. He was in love with Hannah. Not superficial-crush in love, but soul-deep in love. She owned his heart, whether he liked it or not, forever.
Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead against the wheel as his emotions rushed out and overwhelmed him. He was so used to masking his feelings that it hurt to let them out. His ribs were aching, and he had to gasp for air. God, was this what it was like to be in love with someone? A few sobs choked out of his throat, and he didn't try to hold them back.
Eventually the storm passed, and he wiped his face and took some deep breaths. What was he going to do now? The only thing he could think of was to carry on as planned. He'd get his granddad sorted and return to L.A. and … and then what? A terrifying blank opened up in his mind. He couldn't contemplate a future without Hannah.
Before he could dwell on it, Otto came back with the good news that Mrs. Pascoe had accepted his apology and would resume looking after him from tomorrow.
"She's taking me to Costco on Monday," Otto said as they drove home. "She's not a bad old bird."
She was a saint, Derek thought to himself and resolved to give the woman a raise. Now, there truly was nothing left to keep him here. Tomorrow he would go back to L.A. But that terrifying blank inside him was bigger than ever and threatening to swallow him up.
When they reached home, Derek withdrew to the garage. Now that his granddad's care was sorted, he was free to brood over Hannah's rejection of him. But instead of letting himself get depressed, he sat at the workbench with a drawing pad and the piece of English oak, and began designing the crib. Everything else might be imploding about him, but crafting something beautiful out of wood was still in his control. As he sketched out his plans, the thicket of knots inside him loosened, and each time he touched the wood, he felt himself grow calmer. He wouldn't stop at a crib. He would make a high chair, too, and a train set, a rocking horse, a cubby house …
Then, a shadow fell across his workbench, and when he looked up to find Caleb at the garage door, all that calm vanished, and his barriers reared up again.
Caleb's hands were shoved into the back pockets of his jeans. His expression was wary. "Can we talk?"
Derek set down his pencil and crossed his arms over his chest. "That depends. Are you going to take another swing at me?"
Caleb's gaze fixed on Derek's jaw as he grimaced. "Sorry about that. Does it hurt?"
"Nope." Nothing dished out by Caleb's fist could hurt as much as words. "Whaddaya want?"
"Uh, I came here to apologize for the things I said yesterday."
Was it only yesterday morning when he'd woken up in Hannah's bed? He'd thought it might be the start of something new between them, but then everything had crashed and burned as soon as Caleb had turned up and shoved the cold, hard truth down Derek's throat.
"Which things in particular?" He wasn't in a very charitable mood.
"About-about you not being good enough for Hannah." Caleb's face screwed up with agitation. "I never meant that, man."
"Then why did you say it?" Derek's ribs had started to ache.
"This … this is hard to admit, but I've always envied the way women fall at your feet. In high school, you had the prettiest girls running after you, and then you moved to L.A. and suddenly you're dating hot women like Marla Beaudry. And then you visit here for like two seconds and you even have my sister falling for you. It's like, I dunno, black magic or something. You've always had tons of it, while I can only manage a lame card trick."
Derek stared at his friend, stunned almost speechless. "You're jealous of that?"
"It's stupid, I know."
Derek dragged a hand over his face, not sure how to respond. "Caleb, you know what I envy about you? The way you can make friends so easily with anybody, anywhere, anytime."