Oh God. She hadn't meant to hurt his feelings, but what about hers? He was acting like she should be grateful to him. She tipped up her quivering chin. "I don't want to force you into anything."
"Kind of you," he snapped.
"I can take care of myself."
"Yeah, you're good at that." Derek was still glaring at her. "At least you'll be spared the embarrassment of bumping into me all the time."
Because he'd be far away, living a completely different life. Her heart dropped. "I don't mean … " Shoot, what did she mean? Her feelings for Derek were so jumbled, so confused with her own feelings of inadequacy. "I mean you-you're still the father. You still have rights."
"Sure. Rights." Derek stalked over to where he'd dropped his T-shirt last night, picked it up, and pulled it on. He grabbed his shoes, wallet, and phone, and headed for the door.
Dread choked Hannah. She didn't want him to go. Not like this. "Derek, please-"
He veered away from her outstretched fingers. "I'd better leave."
He didn't even look at her. Moments later, he was gone. Hannah stared at the shut door, unable to believe that he wouldn't come back. Then, Caleb made an irritated noise, and she slowly turned back to her brother.
"I still can't believe it." Caleb shook his head.
Hurt and anger congealed in her. "What's so hard to believe? That a guy like Derek would want to sleep with someone like me?"
"Jesus, Hannah! He was my best friend. He's like a brother to you, a kid brother."
She couldn't help wincing. "Why do you have to make it sound so perverted? It doesn't matter now, anyway. He's gone. We're through." Her voice broke, and something inside her cracked too.
Caleb glowered, barely seeming to notice her anguish. "And I'm through with him, too. Christ. To think I used to believe he was my best friend. I'm such a patsy."
Oh, no. Her worst fears about Caleb finding out were coming true. "Don't say that," she muttered, too weak to protest more forcefully. "I'm as much to blame as Derek."
Her brother's face grew ruddier. "Fine. You both made a fool out of me."
Then he stomped out of her house, slamming the door behind him. Shaken and nauseous, Hannah collapsed into her couch and buried her face in her hands.
Where had Derek gone? Why did she feel so gutted? Was it because she had fallen in love with Derek? Suddenly, she couldn't breathe.
No, of course not. I'm not that stupid. He's not the kind of guy I'm looking for. He dates women like Marla Beaudry.
Tears rose again, but she forced them down. Derek wasn't in love with her. She'd seen him practically gag when Caleb had challenged him. As much as it hurt to witness his repulsion, it was all for the best. She knew where she stood with him. Derek would be a long-distance dad, and he would always have a part in her child's life. But for her and Derek, there was no future.
Chapter Seventeen
Amber sat back, her eyes as big as dinner plates. "Wow, that's some story."
"I feel like I've been babbling for hours," Hannah said.
It was nighttime, and she was curled up on Amber's couch. She'd felt dreadful all day and barely got through her shift at the nursing home. She'd called Amber asking if they could talk, and her friend, probably recognizing the agony in her voice, had urged her to come over right away. As soon as Hannah had arrived at Amber's house, she had sat down and unburdened herself in one long, rambling soliloquy, which her good friend had barely interrupted.
"And you're pregnant! Oh my God, I can hardly believe it. No wonder you didn't want any wine." Amber took a deep gulp from her own filled wineglass.
"Sometimes, when the puking's over for the day, I can hardly believe it myself." Hannah nursed the mug of tea Amber had made for her. "But then I have days like today when I feel just awful." It must have been the emotional upsets of the past twenty-four hours that was causing all the cramps and nausea she was currently experiencing. A good night's sleep would help, but she didn't think that would be happening anytime soon.
"How are you feeling?" Amber frowned at her in concern. "You do look a bit pasty."
"It's the stress."
Amber gazed at her for a while more. "To think that you could be Mrs. Derek Carmichael. Mrs. Celebrity Carpenter."
Hannah flushed. "Stop it. You're not helping."
"But Derek did propose to you. Twice. Oh, sure, they weren't the most romantic of proposals, and the circumstances could've been better, but still … You must have thought about it a little?"
"No."
"Not even a teeny bit?"
Hannah sighed. "Okay, yes, I thought about it, and nothing good came to mind."
"Oh, come on. He's fricking gorgeous and great in bed from what you've let slip. And he's responsible and strong and loyal. Plus he has his own business. What more could you ask for?"
Longing spiked in Hannah as she silently agreed. But Amber didn't have her past history.
"He lives in L.A., and he dates women like Marla Beaudry. He'd only be marrying me because of the baby. Not because of me."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes. I told you what happened this morning. Caleb asked Derek point blank if he was in love with me, and he said no."
Amber's brow puckered up. "Did he actually say no? I thought he kinda skirted the question."
"It doesn't matter what the actual words were, I knew what he meant. He's not in love with me, and that's why I can't marry him."
The mug in her hands blurred, and her chin started to wobble. She swiped at her face and found her hand damp with moisture. Amber handed her the box of Kleenex. She grabbed a couple and buried her nose in them.
"It's the pregnancy hormones," she whimpered.
"I'm so sorry, sweetie." Amber drew her into her arms and hugged her tightly. "This is all such a big shock to you."
"And will I be any good as a mom? I mean, it's not as if I've had a great role model. My mom never had much patience with us, and as soon as we were old enough, she ran away. How am I going to turn out?"
"Hannah Willmett! Don't you dare compare yourself with your mom. When she left, you picked up the reins like a superhero. You looked after your brother, your dad, and your granddad. She was selfish and lazy, but you're nothing like her, d'you hear me?"
Hannah couldn't help smiling, grateful for her friend's indignation. "I hear you."
"I know it won't be easy for you, but you won't be alone, I promise."
Hannah bit her lip. "Caleb is mad at both me and Derek."
Amber made a growling noise. "That brother of yours needs a quick kick up the ass, and I'm going to give him one as soon as I can. Oh, don't shake your head at me, Hannah. You know I'm right. Caleb's a hothead, but he'll come around, and so will your folks. You'll see."
Hannah nodded, but she wasn't as comforted as she should have been. Even with all the friends and family in the world, she felt alone … without Derek.
"And Derek will be here," Amber continued. "I'm sure of it. He won't let you down, even if you won't marry him."
Suddenly Hannah was shaking and tears were running down her cheeks.
"Oh, sweetie! Did I say something wrong?"
"I d-don't know why I'm crying." Hannah mopped up the tears with a Kleenex but still more flowed. It felt like her whole heart was pouring out.
Amber held her until her crying jag ran out. Then she made them both fresh mugs of tea and broke open a box of chocolates.
"I think we need to get serious now." She grabbed a chocolate and shoved the box at Hannah. "You need to tell me what's really going on with Derek because you obviously have very strong feelings for him."
"Maybe I do, but it would never work out."
"Why are you so sure about that?"
"Because I've got some experience in failed marriages. Rick cheated on me, and you know what his excuse was? He said he'd married too young. He said a guy needed to sow his wild oats before settling down."
"Rick's a jerk. Don't tell me you swallowed all his bullshit."
"But I have to learn something from it. I told you that after Rick I was only going to choose a steady, mature, older man."
Amber grabbed Hannah's hand. "Listen, you're afraid of being hurt again. I get that. But there's always a risk in loving someone. Nothing is guaranteed. And if you go out on a limb for the one you love, the one who lights up your life, then who knows what the rewards will be."
There was only one man who lit up her life. Suddenly it all made sense. Derek had endured such a miserable childhood, had expressed reasonable doubts about kids, yet when she'd become pregnant, he had rushed to her side. He could've stayed in L.A.-in fact she'd encouraged him to-but he hadn't. He'd come, and he'd stayed despite her trying to push him away. He had honor and honesty and courage, and she admired him immensely. He was exactly the kind of man she'd been yearning for, only she hadn't seen it, until now.