She should have been flattered, but instead all she felt was dread. What if she did cave in and marry him? In the coming months she'd grow big and cumbersome in front of him, knowing all the while he could have his pick of women and that he was only with her because she was pregnant. How would she handle it if she saw his gaze straying to a trim, young woman without swollen ankles and varicose veins? Ugh, that would be sheer hell. Why is that, a sly voice whispered at the back of her mind. Was it because she had feelings for Derek? Feelings that went beyond friendship and lust?
"It's sweet of you to offer, but I don't think it's a good idea." She rubbed her arms, feeling cold and sick. "We'd be getting married for all the wrong reasons."
"Wrong? A baby isn't wrong. A baby just is, and a baby needs care and attention and a stable home."
"And you think I'm incapable of providing care and attention and a stable home?" She instantly bristled.
"No, of course not." He blinked as a tortured expression worked its way across his face. "But a child needs a father, too, don't you think?"
The note in his voice caught at her, tore at her heart. He was thinking of his own childhood. Remembering how difficult it was being brought up by a single mother. Fantasizing how different and better it might have been if his father had lived.
"Yes, every child needs a father, but that's no reason for us to rush into marriage." She took a deep breath to steady herself and organize her thoughts. "I've just come out of a failed marriage. I know how hard it is to make it work, even when two people marry for l-love … " Damn, why did she have to stumble over the word? She forced herself to continue. "I don't want to make another mistake."
"Another mistake? You mean, apart from the accidental pregnancy?"
His sarcastic bite made her wince, but she knew he was confused and hurt. "You know what I mean, Derek."
"People will talk, when they find out."
She glanced up at him in surprise. "But you've never cared about idle gossip."
"Usually I don't. But I do mind if people say I've knocked you up and won't do the honorable thing by you."
How strange to hear him voice an old-fashioned notion like that. "It's none of their business." But she knew there'd be whispers and innuendos. People like Vera would look down on her even more. But that wasn't going to make her change her mind.
"When are you gonna tell your family?" Derek asked.
"I'm waiting for the right moment."
"What, like when you're being wheeled into the delivery room?"
That sounded about the right moment. She chewed her lip. "There's still plenty of time."
He shrugged, looking exasperated and glum. "I'd better get going to Otto's. You have my number. Call if you need anything." He paused. "Anything at all, anytime."
"Sure, Derek."
Anything at all, anytime. If only she could.
Derek got into his SUV and gunned the engine noisily, his frustration boiling over. As he pulled away, Hannah's tiny house receded in the rearview mirror. Well, so much for doing the honorable thing and asking her to marry him. He hadn't expected to blurt it out like that-hell, he'd barely got his head around the idea-but seeing her in the flesh, realizing that she was carrying his child, had done something to his brain.
It had been a pretty crappy proposal, he saw now. Maybe we should get married. What woman would swoon over that? She'd been right to throw it back in his face. And now? What was he supposed to do now?
He swung around a corner, heading toward his grandfather's house. Otto and his problems. The prospect was so depressing it made him ease off the gas pedal. He realized he was driving down an unfamiliar street. It was wide and quiet, with big houses sitting on generous blocks. A realty sign outside a corner property caught his attention. For some reason he slowed down to study the house more closely.
The house was a double story with a wide porch running around two sides of the building and shaded by mature trees. There also appeared to be a huge barn at the back of the property. Ideas started popping in his head just as a woman in a navy suit placed an Open For Inspection sign on the front lawn.
He had time to kill, and he was in no mood for his granddad. Might as well have a look at this place.
Chapter Fourteen
Vera tapped her fingernails against her clipboard as she fixed Hannah with a disapproving look. "I'm not sure if I should give you any extra shifts," she said, her lips thin. "I've had a complaint about your slow response time while on night duty."
Hannah felt herself turning red. It was true. The other night she'd fallen asleep on the job, the first time it had ever happened. She'd planned to rest her eyes for just a few moments, but had drifted asleep, only to be jolted awake by a persistent buzzer.
"I'm very sorry about that. It won't happen again, I promise." She hoped it wouldn't happen again, but she hadn't counted on feeling this tired so early in her pregnancy. Everything was a struggle, from waking up, to surviving through her shifts, to getting home and flopping into bed.
Vera wrinkled her nose. "Ye-es, well, until I'm satisfied with your performance, I won't be making any changes to the roster."
She gave Hannah another critical once-over before walking away, leaving Hannah feeling deflated. With nursing school ruled out, and a baby to plan for, working extra shifts seemed the most sensible thing to do, and Avalon House was the logical place. But Vera remained unimpressed by her, and if she applied for other jobs, the nurse manager probably wouldn't give her a glowing reference.
She managed to struggle through the rest of her shift. By the time she got home, she was exhausted. She collapsed into bed and fell asleep, but the nap only lasted an hour, and when she woke up, she realized she was starving.
This was what she'd come to expect. Horrible nausea in the morning, then ravenous hunger in the evening. She headed for her kitchen, wondering what to eat, when there was a knock at the door. She hoped it wasn't Caleb. She'd been avoiding her family recently, afraid that they'd sense something wasn't right with her.
But when she opened the door, Derek was standing there, and she didn't know if this was worse.
"Hey." He eyed her warily. "Thought I'd drop in and see how you're doing."
She had tried very hard to put Derek and his crazy proposal out of her mind. She had even hoped he'd gone back to L.A. Now, the same mixture of gladness and fear rose in her. Maybe this was a chance to put things right between them. Their previous meeting had been too emotional, but maybe now they could discuss things more rationally.
"Come in." She opened the door wider. "I was just about to make something to eat."
He seemed relieved as he entered her house and followed her to the kitchen. "Want to order a pizza?"
Her mouth watered at the thought of spicy salami and melted cheese. "Mm, yes. That's a good idea. Can we get pepperoni or chorizo with extra cheese?"
He lifted his eyebrows. "Are you gonna be able to handle all that?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm usually okay in the evenings, and I've got a real craving for salt and spices."
"Sounds like this baby's going to like Mexican." Derek grinned.
Hannah froze. "Uh … I guess."
"Wasn't I supposed to say that?" He looked tortured now.
"No, it's just-" She shook her head in confusion. "It's just weird talking about the baby." She grabbed the pizza menu off the refrigerator. "Um, let me order." She busied herself making the call. "It'll be here in twenty."
She got them a couple of sodas and they sat out on the back porch while they waited for the pizza.
"Have you found another caregiver for your granddad?" she asked, hoping to keep the conversation neutral.
"Not exactly. He wants me to get the woman who quit to come back."
"Why doesn't he call her himself?"
"Because he yelled at her for tidying up some of his prepper stuff, and that's why she quit. But now he's too embarrassed to call her himself."
She blinked at him. "You're kidding. Your granddad embarrassed?"
"Yeah, crazy, huh? It took him a day to work up to telling me what he wanted. Now he's acting like he doesn't care. ‘I don't need anyone,' he says, ‘but if you insist, then I'll take Mrs. Pascoe back.' Like he's doing everyone a big favor."
"Sounds like Otto's being his usual difficult self. You must be tired of having to deal with him."
"I don't mind." Derek rubbed the back of his neck. "It gave me an excuse to come back and see you."
So much for neutral conversation. She leaned back on her hands, the boards of the porch warm beneath her palms. This was where she and Derek had kissed … Stop that. It wasn't helping.
"Derek, I told you-"
"You won't have to worry about money. I can do that, at least. I'll take care of all the medical bills, and you don't have to work for that nasty boss of yours. You can stay home for as long as you want."