Unexpected Top(19)

“I would never—”

“I know, it’s just…it’s weird.”

“Tell me.”

He finally looked up from the spot he was boring into the patio. “I went out to lunch with the guys and one of them was talking about this porno he’d watched. It was some sort of gang-bang or something, and the guys were taking turns with the girl, not just having sex with her, but spanking her too. All the other guys were talking about how sexy it would be to fuck the girl tag-team style and stuff like that, but the images flooding my mind were of me being the one there, having a bunch of women spank me and take advantage of me. I tried, Cissy, I tried to forget it, but I couldn’t.”

Her heart was beating a staccato in her chest. Who knew Len had desires like this? And could she fulfill them?

“Keep going.”

“So I went back to the office, found a bathroom on an abandoned floor and jerked off. I blew in about ten seconds and I’m pretty sure I lost consciousness, I came that hard.” He looked away, staring out over the lawn. “I’m not supposed to feel like this.”

“Like what?”

Len threw his hands up. “Like I want this stuff.”

“What’s wrong with wanting sex a certain way?”

“Because I’m the man. I’m supposed to be in control, be the one on top. I’m not supposed to need my wife to cuff my freaking hands to the bed to get off.”

“Who says? And anyway, you mentioned you’d been to those websites. Did you see how many other guys are like you?”

“Yeah, but—”

“But nothing. There’s no reason to feel ashamed.”

“So, what, you want to spank me now?” It was hard to tell if his tone was excited or wary.

He’d been honest, and she owed it to him to be honest back. “Yeah, a couple of times when I was on those websites and reading about those men, I wanted to spank you. But I don’t know if I’m dominant like those women are.”

“And I have no idea if it’s just the idea of you spanking me that gets me so hot or if I’d freak out if it really happened.” He shifted and Cissy saw his cock had hardened inside his shorts. “I do know that I want you to control me, to take me in hand.” Her eyebrows rose and he gave her a half smile. “Yeah, I saw those websites too. Anyway, I want you to keep giving me rewards when I do stuff around the house, and if I piss you off, like if I swear like I know you hate, I want you to take away my reward. Maybe even spank me. I don’t know. That would certainly be considered taking me in hand.”

She counted to ten before speaking. It was important to get this next part right. “What do you truly want? You have to tell me what you want and need from me. I need to hear the words directly from you.”

Cissy was pretty sure her heart was now beating out of her chest like one of those cartoons when the boy cartoon sees the girl cartoon. It had taken an extraordinary amount of courage for Len to admit all this.

“I need to think about things for a little while.”

“That’s fair.”

“You scared the shit out of me last night. When I realized what you were saying and what was actually happening in our marriage—” He broke off and Cissy pushed her hand into his as he swiped at a tear. “I’m so sorry. I really didn’t know. I feel like such an idiot.” Len bent his leg, pivoting to fully face her on the swing. “I love you. I don’t ever want you to doubt that, and if you do, just remind me I’m being an ass.”

She couldn’t help her burst of laughter. “I’ll try.”

“Just one more thing. I think one of the reasons this happened is because I always figured you were so competent and I didn’t know how to do anything. I didn’t want to screw everything up just because I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Because of the way my mom was I don’t have much experience doing things like managing a household. And you did it so well that I just let you. It wasn’t fair, and I know that now.”

“That’s the important thing.”

“Okay, I’m gonna do some stuff out here and think.”

“I’ll get some things done inside. Come in whenever. We have some cold cuts for lunch whenever you’re hungry.”

Len leaned in and kissed her with a gentle brush of his lips as if he was afraid his advance would be unwelcome. Cissy remembered he wanted to be controlled and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer. He let out an unintelligible grunt but readily opened his mouth. She dove inside, dueling with Len’s tongue. It was so strange to be the one doing the kissing rather than the one being kissed and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. That was one thing she’d have to think about today.