I looked up to him and his mouth was hanging open, the perfect lips parted in a post-orgasm glow. He leaned down and kissed me deeply, mouth open and tongue against mine. I realized then how much I wanted him, even when he was already inside of my mouth. I wanted more of him. I breathed his smell and taste, the salty musk of his cum still on my palate, and I wanted more, I had so much of him but I needed more.
“That did the trick,” he said, and leaned back into the chair. I helped him slide his boxer briefs back on.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” I said. I was already planning on how I’d get him hard again soon.
As he leaned down to grab his pants, the door opened.
We both turned our heads, shocked. I was kneeling in front of him, helping him move his pants back up his legs, and framed in the doorway was Janice.
At first, I thought maybe she didn’t have a clear view of what was happening. But I knew that wasn’t true from her face, the surprise melting into an awkward grin.
“I’m sorry, uh, Mr. Green. I’ll come back,” she said, and turned.
“Fuck,” Shane said quietly, and pulled his pants on. Janice moved out of the room and closed the door.
“Fuck,” was all he said, over and over, as he buckled himself up and stood.
“Maybe she didn’t see,” I said weakly.
He looked at me, his face a mask of torn confusion. He took a few steps away from me, toward the bank of windows. He was angry, but also shocked and upset. I realized I had broken one of his rules.
“Of course she knew what was happening, you saw her face,” he said.
I stood up and went to him.
“This is my fault, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have started this.”
He held his hands up and I stopped.
“I let my guard down with you, Amy,” he said quietly.
“It’s my fault. We had a rule, and I broke it,” I said.
“Give me a second.” He walked further away from me, and I felt something shift between us. There was an edge in his voice that I wasn’t familiar with. The distance between our bodies was a few steps, but there was a chasm behind it, and getting wider with every second.
“Shane, I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry,” was all I could say.
He leaned his head against the glass window. For a second, I thought he had his eyes shut, but I jumped when he slammed his fist against the frame. “You idiot,” he said quietly to himself. I didn’t know who he was talking to. I stood there, legs weak, heart hammering in my chest, and I couldn’t stop the widening gorge. The icy pressure of my self-doubt flooded back as I watched him there, his body tense. He was a thousand feet away, and getting further.
I tried to move toward him, but the look on his face made me stop short. His whole body was a vibrating tension rod of anger. It radiated from him in waves, and I realized in that moment exactly how strong his body was. Fear and excitement mingled inside of me. I knew he could tear this room apart, along with me, if he wanted to.
“Please, Amy. Just go back to your desk. I’ll deal with Janice,” he said.
“Okay Shane,” I said hesitating, and then moved to gather my stuff.
Something in his face seemed to soften. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry. I shouldn’t be harsh. It’s not your fault.”
I looked back at him, and wasn’t convinced. He tried to smile, but I could tell something was irredeemably different. His hands were clasped into fists.
“I’ll be at my desk, if you need anything.” I gathered my things and walked out the door. Janice wasn’t at her usual spot, which was a small mercy. Behind me, I heard a hollow bang, and what I thought was another groan. I wanted so badly to go back to him, to tell him it would all be okay, but I couldn’t. My feet took me forward, back to my desk, and I floated through the day like a zombie.
15.
I didn’t hear from him that night, and he was out of the office the next day. I poked my head around the divider between Linda and me near midday.
“Hey, Linda,” I said. I tried to keep the anxiety out of my voice.
“What’s up Amy?” she said.
“Is Mr. Green in today?” I held my breath for her response.
She looked back and shrugged. “Nope, not today. Word is he took his vacation early, or at least that’s what I heard Janice say. Secondhand info of course, but whatever.”
She paused, and for a second I thought she could see the shock and hurt on my face, but she just smiled. “Good for him, I say. Guy needs a break.”
“Yeah, totally,” I said weakly, trying to smile.
“You okay?” She had obviously noticed my weak attempts at hiding my emotions.