Underestimated Too(80)

“I’m glad you didn’t let me go,” I smiled. “Finish, Drew,” I beckoned, wanting to hear now.

“Callaway accused me, ‘You should have been with her.’ He was waiting right beside me for some news.

‘I tried to get her to come with me. She wanted to wait until today. She wanted me to go ahead. I never would have let her had I thought something like this would happen.’

‘Why are they speculating that she was running? Who would she be running from?’

‘I have no idea,’ I lied, running my fingers through my hair.

Callaway stayed right there until the doctor came out looking exhausted. He explained that they managed to stop the bleeding in her brain, but the swelling was rapid. He didn’t know her prognosis. It was too soon to tell.

‘The next twenty four hours are going to be tricky,’ the doctor explained. ‘We’ll see what we’re dealing with tomorrow. I wish I could give you more, but I can’t. We just don’t know yet,’ he apologetically clarified.

‘Can I see her?’ I asked.

‘They’re transporting her to ICU. Someone will let you know when you can see her.’

I wasn’t sure how I’d react when I saw her. Waiting alone after Derik took Callaway and left, I was sure time had stopped. I sat there for another hour, waiting to see my wife for the first time in almost two years. Would I feel sorrow, anger, remorse? I really didn’t know how I felt, not until I was finally shown to her room.

The room smelled so clean, ozone lurked in the sanitized air. Beeping noises filled the room, and she was wired to every imaginable medical equipment you could think of. She didn’t even look like Morgan. Beside the fact that she had a tube down her throat and her chest rose and fell in unison with the sound of the machine breathing for her, she looked dead. Her head was bandaged all the way around and her eyes were swollen shut.

‘There’s probably going to be significant swelling, it’s part of the healing process,’ the nurse explained. I didn’t respond. Walking closer to Morgan, I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t sure how I felt. It was a mixture of emotions, but one that I did pick up on was anger. I was pissed off at her. She shouldn’t have been there, laying there like that. She should have been with me all along. She wouldn’t be in that predicament had she been with me, where she belonged. What the hell was I saying? I should be happy she was there. I should be praying for her death and jumping for joy at the thought of burying her next to her father. She probably wouldn’t even make it through the night.

I never left her that night. For whatever reason, I didn’t want her to leave this earth alone. She’d always been alone. I felt the need to stay with her, make sure if she did go, she wasn’t alone. Did I play the concerned husband, holding her hand, kissing her, telling her how much I loved her? No, I didn’t do that. That emotion was never really a part of me. I don’t think I was born with an empathy trait.” Drew paused, lost in his own head.

I couldn’t help it. I wiped the falling tear, escaping from my right eye with the back of my hand. Drew was staying with me, afraid I’d leave my life alone. It was the most beautifully saddest thing I’d ever heard.

“I sat in the reclining vinyl seat in the corner. The nurses demanded time and time again that I needed to leave. Intensive care didn’t really allow twenty-four hours visitors. I didn’t care. I wasn’t leaving.”

Sniff

“I sat quietly in the dark room, contemplating my life. Hours passed while I listened to the sounds of medical equipment, having an eerie feeling with death lingering in the air. If Morgan died, I could pursue my life with Skyler. I was sure she’d be right there if she found out that Morgan passed.

How would Morgan’s life have been, had Michael cared enough about her to help her, take her or maybe even pay some child support so she wasn’t forced to live the way she’d lived? How could any man leave his child to be raised like that? I didn’t get it. For the first time, I wondered what Michael’s life was like growing up. Was he abused by someone too? Was that why he chose to abuse me?

I did more soul searching that night than I ever had in my life, contemplating things I refused to think about, my mother for one. Why did she allow Michael to treat her the way he had? What would she have done had she found out what he was doing to me? I snickered and shook my head. She wouldn’t have done anything. I remember being thirteen and begging her not to make me go out of town with him for the weekend. I hinted every way I could about being afraid of being alone with him. She scolded me, telling me to never ever speak of such a thing again. That wasn’t even anything too sexual. He’d just come to my bed in our hotel and fondle me. I always fell asleep on my stomach, hoping he’d leave me alone. He didn’t.