Underestimated Too(126)

We spent two days in each other’s arms, pretending. That’s what we were doing, pretending that we were this happy family but with blinders on. Forget about the baggage, that’s what we did. We played with our son, walked on the beach in search of sea glass, and made love, over and over again.

“Drew, please. Take us home with you,” I begged.

“Morgan, not yet. We’ve talked about this. I’m not ready to do that yet.”

“We didn’t talk about anything,” I said, getting angry. “We’ve been fine for the last three days. I don’t want to be here without you.” I started crying.

“Please don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry. I’m working on it. I want you home with me, but I am not doing that until I know I’m not going to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“I love you.”

That was it. Drew kissed Nicholas and spun on his heels out the door.

It wasn’t as bad as it was before. Drew did talk to me every morning, and we Skyped every night with Nicholas. Drew read his bedtime stories through the computer while I rocked him on my lap. I still didn’t like it. It wasn’t the same as being with him. Every time I brought it up, he derailed it. I had no idea when or if we’d ever be a family again.

Drew had a lot of emotional baggage to deal with and the only thing I could do was step back and let him work it out on his own, without me. He didn’t want me helping him. Although it was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I did it for him. I stepped back and settled for the good morning phone calls and the video chat every night. What else was I supposed to do? I understood or tried to anyway. I knew he had to do this his way, but it didn’t do much to convince me that he would ever be ready for us again. He was too freaked out, too afraid of hurting me. I could understand it as much as I couldn’t.





Chapter 39





I was getting used to our little arrangement. I still didn’t like it, but I was falling into the routine of things. I spent the days on the beach with my mother, Caroline, and Nicky, longing for the hour that I could see Drew on my laptop.

“Guess who’s coming to see you tomorrow?” Drew asked while I dressed Nicky in new jammies from my spending spree a few weeks back.

“You’re coming here?!?” I exclaimed, turning to my computer.

“No, not yet. Alicia is coming with the kids.”

“Oh,” I said, sounding disappointed.

“I thought you’d be happy to see her.”

“I am, but I’d be happier to see you. I haven’t had sex in almost two months again. I hate it. I’m about to go to a bar or something.”

Drew laughed. “How about you just take care of that yourself until I see you?”

“I’m tired of taking care of it myself. I need you inside me.”

“Damn it. Don’t talk like that. You take care of it yourself—a lot?” Drew asked. Okay, bait taken.

“Yes, I do,” I admitted. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a lot, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Show me.”

“Show you what? Nicky is right here.”

“Start rocking him, and I’ll start reading.”

“Or you could just come her and fuck me,” I whispered close to the screen.

“I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to make love to you.”

“Oh no, Drew. You can’t change everything. Some things have to stay the same.”

“I can’t do things the way I’ve always done them.”

“Some things you can. I don’t want to just make love.”

“What do you want?”

“Well, sometimes I want to just make love. Sometimes I want to have sex, and sometimes I want to fuck,” I explained, whispering the last word again.

“I need to know the difference.”

“I’m not going to explain that to you right now. I’m already wet and throbbing down there.”

“Jesus, Morgan. Start rocking.”

Laughing, I held Nicholas while he watched his daddy through the computer reading him a bedtime story. I could tell Drew was reading faster than normal. It was doing nothing to put Nicky out any quicker. He wasn’t interested in sleeping yet.

Drew and I talked about Alicia coming, making small talk while Nicholas kicked his foot, trying to stay awake and fight sleep that he was more than ready for.

“He’s asleep,” Drew whispered. “Put him to bed and go to your room.”

“Our room,” I corrected.

After securing Nicolas in his bed, I carried the laptop to my bed, positioned it where Drew could see me, and slowly undressed.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Drew asserted in a raspy voice.