He had to go to her, talk to her, tell her how he really felt. His stomach rolled in a queasy slide at the thought of baring his imperfect soul for the first time ever and to the person who meant the most to him. But if he didn’t, he’d have to live with this burning hollow inside him forever, and that was even worse.
Chapter Fourteen
Jacinta slouched in front of her TV, drained from all the activity she’d forced upon herself in the past few days, but still unable to shake her depression. The evening news was just wrapping up when there was a knock at her door. She sighed, wondering if Kevin had forgotten his keys again. But when she opened the door, her heart seized up. It wasn’t her brother.
“Hello, Jacinta,” Lex said.
The first thing she noticed was the deep shadows under his eyes. Then his two-day stubble, the half-knotted tie, the lines carved into his face. Her body went cold.
“Lex? What’s happened?” Because just one look at him told her that something bad had occurred.
“Mind if I come in?”
She nodded and stepped back to let him in. “Are you sick?” she asked. A faint sheen coated his forehead, and his hair stood up in dark, damp clumps.
He shook his head. “It’s my grandmother. She collapsed yesterday at Mariposa with a heart attack. She’s here at the UCSF Medical Center. She’s stable now but still very weak.”
“I’m so sorry.” She bit down on her lip to steady herself. “Will she be all right?”
“She had an angiogram last night. They did an angioplasty to remove a blockage from her artery.” He frowned and examined his shoes. “She was on morphine all of yesterday, but she’s a lot better now.”
“You’ve been up since yesterday?” A rhetorical question—it was obvious by Lex’s haggard appearance that he’d been awake for more than twenty-four hours straight. Her heart squeezed as she fought down the impulse to wrap her arms around him. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Wine?”
“My grandmother’s been asking for you. She wants to see you. I’ve tried to dissuade her, but she’s very insistent. She can’t seem to settle until you visit her. Will you come?”
She didn’t bother to answer, just dashed to her bedroom to pick up her purse and denim jacket. In a few minutes they were in Lex’s car and speeding toward the hospital. The drive seemed to take forever, but at long last they arrived at the hospital, where Lex swooped the car into the first available spot before hurrying her inside.
“She was in ICU until this afternoon,” Lex said as they speed-walked down a crowded corridor, “but she’s been transferred to a private room.”
“What about your uncle and cousins? Are they here as well?”
“Everyone’s here. Hazel, too, and some of the relatives.”
They arrived at a waiting room, and she saw it was crowded with the people he’d just mentioned. She exchanged dazed nods with some of them before Lex hurried her on. He came to an abrupt halt in front of a door.
“She’s in here.” He plunged his fingers through his hair as though he’d done it a thousand times already that day. “Jacinta, I haven’t had time yet to tell her about...us.”
She gulped as her heart sank further. “I kind of guessed that or she wouldn’t be asking for me. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything to upset her.”
“I know it’s a lot to ask—”
She held up her hand to silence him. “I care about her too.”
Without waiting for his reply, she brushed past him and pushed open the door. The sight of Lex’s grandmother lying in bed attached to tubes and bags and surrounded by blinking monitors brought her up short. Hazel beckoned her to come closer before retiring to an armchair in the corner.
“Nana Alice? It’s me, Jacinta.” Hesitantly she touched the hand that lay on the sheet like a fallen autumn leaf.
For a moment she thought Nana Alice was fast asleep, but then the papery eyelids flickered open. “Jacinta? Is that really you?”
“Yes, it’s me. Lex brought me.” She shot a glance at Lex’s shadowy figure standing on the other side of the bed. “I came as soon as I heard. I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“So am I, child.” A smile flitted across Nana Alice’s pallid face. Her fingers twitched on the sheet, then tugged at Jacinta’s hand. “You’re a much more welcome sight than all those doctors and nurses fussing over me.”
“I won’t stay long. You need to rest.”
“I’ve been resting all day. I wanted to see you.” She plucked at Jacinta’s hand again. “Why, what’s happened to your ring, child?”
Jacinta’s lungs constricted . “It’s, um, it’s with Lex until we get it adjusted. It’s, uh, a little tight for me. I don’t have your lovely, slender fingers.”
“Oh, you have beautiful fingers.” She sighed, and her face relaxed. “You must come and visit me with the ring on as soon as it’s fixed. I know I’m being silly and sentimental, but you’ll humor an old woman, won’t you?”
“Of course.” What else could she say?
“You and Lex make such a darling couple. I know he can be very difficult, and sometimes you probably want to throttle him, but he’s so in love with you, and he’d do anything for you.” She squeezed Jacinta’s hand. “But why am I telling you this? You know it already.”
Jacinta’s throat was too clogged for her to speak. She lifted her eyes and met Lex’s tired, relieved gaze across the bed. She wanted to throttle him right there and then. He was only looking at her like that because he was grateful for her visiting his grandmother; that was all.
“You should rest now, Nana,” Lex said.
“I’ll be right as rain in no time, you know,” she murmured as her eyelids fluttered closed. “Nothing is going to stop me seeing the two of you get married. Not even death.”
Jacinta clapped a hand over her mouth. If she didn’t get out of here, she might spill the truth. She backed away from the bed, then turned and pushed her way blindly out of the room. In the corridor, she leaned against a wall to regather herself. A moment later the door to Nana Alice’s room swung open and Lex appeared.
All the emotion and stress she’d tamped down for the past hour welled up.
“You have to tell her the truth as soon as possible,” she hissed at him. “I can’t do this...”
She couldn’t go through the pain of saying good-bye to him again and again. It was too much. She turned away, unable to even look at him.
“I’ll tell her.” His voice was wooden. He shuffled his feet and jingled the keys in his pocket. “Jacinta, I was wondering if...”
She folded her arms, keeping her gaze on the far wall, her body tight with suspense. “What?”
“I tore up that confidentiality agreement you signed.”
“Oh.” She blinked, confused and hurting. “You want me to sign another one?”
His eyes widened. “No, I...” He ruffled his hair. “I don’t know why I said that. Uh—thanks for coming.”
She couldn’t bear this stilted conversation a second longer. It was clear he didn’t want to talk to her, now that he’d satisfied his grandmother’s wishes. Well, good. She didn’t want to hang around with him any more than she had to.
Hitching her bag over her shoulder, she turned her back on him. “I’ll be on my way, then.”
“I’ll give you a ride—”
“No, don’t bother. I’ll take a taxi.” She forced herself to walk away, head held high. “I’m sure you’d rather be here.”
He didn’t follow her, and with each step she took away from him, her heart shriveled a little more until it felt like a hard, wrinkled walnut buried in her chest.
…
Damn everything to hell. He was screwing this up every which way.
Lex stared after Jacinta as she hurried away from him. To his confused and overactive imagination, she was walking out of his life forever, and if he didn’t do something now, she would disappear and he’d never get this chance again. But what the hell should he do?
He shoved his fingers through his hair a couple of times and then skulked after her. He didn’t have a clue, but he hoped like hell inspiration would hit him before it was too late. She reached the waiting room, where Kirk went up to her and said something. She replied and then continued on, heading away.
Shit, he had to act now.
Suddenly his legs were running. He sped across the waiting room and almost collided with his cousin Holly. She squealed and glared at him, but he shot past her. Jacinta paused and turned, no doubt because of the commotion, and in a split second he realized he was about to cannon into her. He did the only thing possible to avoid collision. He dropped to his knees and came to a skidding halt right in front of her.
Jacinta stared down at him as if he were crazy. He was crazy. Crazy in love with her, and here he was on his knees, willing to confess his feelings if she’d only listen to him. But what words could he use to convey his seething emotions?
“Jacinta...”
She pursed her lips, looking skittish and ready to bolt. Shit. His mind was a total blank. He couldn’t think of a single, adequate word. He was the CEO of a billion dollar company, but this woman had him tongue-tied. Then, it hit him, and he knew what he could do to show her how he felt. The idea made his gut screw up, but hell, he had nothing else but this, so he had to give it a try.