Great.
Ramirez’s fatal flaw, as you may have noticed, was his tendency to make and break plans. Or, worse yet, not make them at all. Even though I was seconds away from actual girlfriend status, I hadn’t seen Ramirez since last Friday night, when dinner and a movie at City Walk had turned into appetizers and me in a cab when he got a call about a gang shooting in Compton. And now, true to form, he was blowing off our “or something” again. I narrowed my eyes at my cell, wondering what kind of someone he was meeting instead.
“What’s up?” Dana asked, watching my face fall.
“Ramirez. He’s canceling on me.” Again.
“What, again?” Dana asked, voicing my thoughts.
“I know! He said he has to meet someone. What does that mean?”
Dana shrugged. “I dunno.” She popped another piece of popcorn into her mouth.
“I mean, are we talking a work-related someone or a personal someone? ’Cause if it’s a personal some-one, why not just ask them to join us for drinks? Why cancel on me? What, is he ashamed of me? He doesn’t want his friends to meet me? That’s bad, isn’t it? It means something really bad. He’s having second thoughts about this whole relationship thing, isn’t he? I knew it. I knew it wouldn’t last. I knew he’d never settle down. I mean, not that I’m asking him to settle down. Oh God, do you think he thinks I want him to settle down? Is that it? Am I smothering him? Am I too needy? I’m not too needy, am I?”
“Whoa. Take a breath, Gilmore Girl. No wonder he needs a night off.”
Dana was right; I was beginning to hyperventilate.
“Look, he’s probably just out with the guys or something tonight. You know how those cops are. It’s a total boys’ club.”
“You’re right.” I took a deep breath. “Right. He probably just needs a night out with the guys. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with me. I mean, of course he wants to be with me. Why wouldn’t he want to be with me? I’m so not smothery.” I paused. “But, just in case, how about we go on a double date this weekend?”
Dana shot me a look. “Double date?”
“It’s way harder to smother someone on a double date. Besides, it’ll be fun. Me and Ramirez, you and…” I paused, unsure which flavor of the month Dana was presently working her way through. As much as I loved my best friend, even I had to admit she had an uncanny ability to pick men destined for short-term romances. Case in point, her last boyfriend, Rico, a self-proclaimed urban soldier who’d ended up joining a group of mercenaries in Afghanistan searching for the last remnants of the Taliban. Dana was still nursing a sore ego at being dumped for a bunch of dusty caves halfway around the world.
She bit her lip as a little frown settled between her strawberry-blonde brows. “Sorry, Maddie, I can’t do a double date.”
“Please! It’s not like I’m asking you to actually have this relationship for me, I just need a buffer.”
Dana shook her head. “No, no. It’s not that. I can’t date. I’m off men.”
“Oh no. Please don’t tell me you’re trying that lesbian thing again, ” I said, sipping my Diet Coke.
Dana shook her head. “No, it’s not like that. It’s…well…I can’t have sex.” She put her hands on my shoulders, turning me to face her as she put on her serious look. “I have a problem.”
“A problem? What, like an STD?”
She shook her head again. “No, Mads. This is worse.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Okay, I’ll bite: What’s worse than an STD?”
“I’m addicted to sex.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh good. I thought this was something serious.” I laid on the sarcasm as I grabbed another handful of popcorn.
“This is serious!” she protested.
“Dana, you are hot. Men like you. Since when is that a problem?”
“That’s not true, Maddie. I’m sick.”
“You’re lucky is what you are. You know how many push-up bras I own just to have half your cleavage?” A lot. I was pretty sure that Jack Black and I were the only people left in L.A. who still wore B cups.
Dana ignored me. “Sex can be like any other addiction. It’s a disease. One I have to accept and learn to manage one day at a time. I’m practicing positive sexual sobriety.”
I crunched down hard on a popcorn kernel to keep from laughing. “Positive sexual sobriety?”
Dana nodded. “Uh-huh. Therapist Max says it’s the only way to break the cycle of addiction.”
I blinked. “Therapist Max? You’re seriously taking advice from a guy named ‘Therapist Max’?”