And maybe he was right. She’d lowered the guard on her heart but not all the way. She didn’t even know if she was capable of it. He had to sense that, so maybe he felt he couldn’t trust her.
She supposed she was going to find out and probably very soon.
* * *
An hour later they were seated in an elegant Japanese restaurant. He wore a suit with a string tie, and she wore a red satin sheath with long sleeves. The color set off her dark hair and eyes, and she knew it. Strutting her stuff to try to hold off the inevitable, she thought sadly as she pretended to smile and laugh, when she knew the end must be near.
Cade ordered way too much sushi. She figured he was making it their meal. She was perfectly content with that, and complimented the flavors. The fish was fresh, the wasabi biting and the pickled ginger out of this world.
For dessert, they received small plates of fresh fruit and tiny bowls of lime sherbet. She began to lose her appetite as she grew more aware of a tension in him.
Finally, she asked, “Cade, what’s wrong?”
He put down his spoon and pushed the sherbet aside. “What makes you ask?”
“I feel like you’re tense. And I’ve been feeling as if you’re trying to pull away from me. Do you want to end this?”
He stared at her from inscrutable eyes, then astonished her by calling their waiter. As soon as the check came, he placed cash on the tray.
“Better to discuss this someplace more private.”
She was right, she realized. He didn’t want her to make a scene. That could mean only one thing.
They took a cab back to the hotel in silence and rode up to their room without a word. At last they were alone, facing one another across the suite’s sitting area, a space that suddenly looked like an immense gulf.
Her nerves felt stretched to breaking. Finally, she said, “If you’re done with me, just say so. I can handle it.”
“I’m sure you can.”
The words fell into her heart like stone. Here it came.
“The problem,” he said slowly, “is you.”
“Me?”
“I don’t know what you want. I’m not sure you do, either. You let me just so close but no closer. I need you to let down those walls.”
“Why?” Pain pierced her. “So you can hurt me?”
“No.” He shook his head a little. “So I can love you.”
She felt as if she’d just gone over a sharp bump in the road and left her stomach behind. Her knees suddenly felt weak, and she reached out to steady herself against the back of a chair. “Love me?” she repeated, her voice thin.
“Love you. All these weeks we’ve known each other, you’ve been focused on the job. I get that. I have, too, but when we’re alone together, even when you talk to me about yourself, I feel there’s this place inside you I can’t reach. That nobody can reach. I want to reach it, DeeJay, because I’m out of my mind in love with you. But you have to let me in.”
A hot tear rolled down her cheek as understanding slammed home and left her speechless.