“I didn’t ask about plans, really. Just...I don’t know, longings. The way you’d like things to wind up eventually. I get the family part, but I’m sure doing little enough to make it happen.”
“Same here.” And as she said it, she realized it was true. In some way she had always assumed there would eventually be a spouse and kids, that it was just part of human makeup. She hadn’t done a thing to make it happen, though.
And if you did nothing, you got nothing.
“Oh, boy,” she said.
“What?”
“Heavy thoughts here. I’ve been assuming in a vague way that things would take care of themselves. But they won’t, will they.”
“Not if we remain workaholics.” But amusement laced the words. “We’re a pair.”
“I guess so.” She liked cuddling with him and wondered why he’d brought up this entire subject. It made her uneasy at some level even as she acknowledged the justice in his point. Was he wondering if she was looking at him as potential mate material?
Was she?
Not for the first time she wished she could read minds. Maybe her focus on work had been nothing but a smoke screen to conceal the other lacks in her life. Surely her biological clock ought to be ticking like mad by now. She’d heard other women talk about it but had never experienced it, probably because she didn’t leave room in her life for it.
But even though she couldn’t read Cade’s mind, it hardly seemed important when she couldn’t read her own. What did she want long-term, aside from the job? Realizing that she had no real answer to that was as disturbing as the question itself.
* * *
Cade held her comfortably and was disappointed. Evidently he’d invested more of himself into this prickly pear than he’d realized. He wanted more from her than a fling that would end as soon as this case was resolved.
He wasn’t sure it had risen to the level of wanting marriage and a family with her, but it had definitely become a lot bigger than a fling. He liked her, respected her and wanted to keep her around.
Apparently, the thought hadn’t even occurred to her. His ego took a ding from that, but so did his heart. Well, what had he expected? She’d been job focused from the start, so intensely that he was surprised they’d managed to tumble in the hay.
It wasn’t that this case wasn’t important to him. He cared about those kids, and he cared intensely about catching the killer. But he also knew how to take occasional breaks to refresh his mind. More often than not he’d had to remind her how important that was.
He wondered if it was really obsession on her part, or hiding. Given that she had been raped and then treated despicably by those who should have helped her, he could understand if she refused to look beyond her job. She might have built a shell around herself, created by keeping her focus always in one direction.
People had all kinds of methods to protect themselves. His had become avoiding women partners. Hers may have become avoiding all the rest of life.
If so, that was damn sad. He wanted to break her out of that shell, but knew that doing so could conceivably hurt her. After all, he wasn’t ready to make any promises and maybe she wouldn’t want him anyway. You couldn’t just waltz in and break down someone’s defensive walls then waltz away.
All he could do was what he was doing: making it safe for her to be vulnerable with him. Beyond that, he didn’t dare tread.