Undercover Hunter(103)
“Right. Me, too. But that’s day-to-day stuff. One foot in front of the other kinds of hobbies. I meant longer term. Even if you become director of the FBI someday, what do you see apart from the job? There has to be something apart from the job.”
She rolled over a little more, ignoring the fact that she was now lying on their arms and hands, and rested her other arm across his chest. “I’ve been too busy fighting to really think about it.” Even as she said it, she knew it was true.
“That’s kind of sad. I’m not saying you’re wrong, it’s just kind of sad. Sometimes I actually get around to thinking longer term. That’s why I was engaged once long ago. I figured that someday there would be kids, and when I was old I could watch the sunset on my own porch with grandkids playing around me.”
She released a breath. “That sounds beautiful.”
“Yeah, it does. It really does. Eventually. I’m getting closer to forty, and the closer I get the more I think about the parts of life I’ve missed. That’s why I asked. Because something about this case has made me start thinking about it.”
She raised her head a little, trying to see him in the dark, then let it fall back on her pillow. “The kids?”
“I don’t know. And I think these two workaholics have spent enough time on that damn case for right now. So let’s talk about something else. You ever think about having a family?”
“It’s crossed my mind,” she admitted. “Once or twice. But like I said, I’ve been so busy...” She trailed off. “That’s a lousy excuse, isn’t it?”
“I don’t think so. Look at us right now. We’re so busy trying to get a handle on this case we barely have time for anything else.”
She ran her palm across his chest, feeling the nubs of his small nipples. “We found time for this.”
He laughed quietly. “Yeah, we did. But don’t evade. I’m into some serious self-exposure here.”
“Sorry.”
He released her hand, rolled onto his side and drew her into a hug. “There’s more than work. I’ve been filling a lot of time and finding my escape in the woods, in traveling a bit. You were probably busy most of the time in the army, but now you’re here and, believe me, you won’t see that kind of constant action. So what else would you like to do? Move on to a busier job or something else?”
She didn’t know how to answer. Her biggest long-range plan had been getting her college degree. And then when she had become an officer, getting her own command. Life had truncated that. Well, to be fair, she’d truncated it herself by refusing to follow an order to let go of an investigation. Rightly or wrongly, she had done it and had known what the consequences would be. Had she been wearying of the army?
“Let me think for a few,” she finally said.
“You don’t have to. I was just curious. For some reason I’ve been starting to feel that I’ve been too job obsessed. Doesn’t mean you have to feel that way.”
But he’d hit on something she had never really thought about before. It was okay to be a cop 24/7 if that’s what satisfied her. But eventually that would go away. Retirement was inevitable if she didn’t get herself killed. She’d left all those possibilities hanging out there as some kind of amorphous thing that would take care of itself in time.
“I haven’t made any plans,” she said slowly.