Under Locke(61)

“I believe you,” I told him, taking in his silhouette. “But I’m too paranoid to sleep. Sorry.”



His fingers drummed on the steering wheel. “You’re not flippin’ out as much,” he noted.



That was true. I wasn’t. “You don’t drive like an idiot so it doesn’t make me as nervous, I guess.” Was that rude? “No offense,” I added.



Dex chuckled, smiling just barely. Those eyes darted in my direction again. “You're a vegetarian?” he asked out of the blue.



I did that whole creepy side-glance thing at his comment. How the heck did he know? "Yeah." I paused. "How'd you know?"



He made a little noise with his tongue. "Never seen you eat meat, and then I saw the way you looked when we brought you that hot dog. I thought you were gonna puke."



He did notice. How about that. "I threw up in my mouth a little bit."



"That's pretty fuckin' disgustin', babe." What was funny was that he laughed instead of making a face.



I snorted. "Sorry." But I wasn't sorry. It was true. That hot dog had looked like an old turd.



"Don't be sorry," he grunted, cutting me another glance. "You don't eat meat, you don't eat meat. Next time just tell us so I don't have to see you lookin' like shit."



Looking like shit? I turned to look at him and made an ugly scoffing noise in my throat. "Jesus, that's rude."



"You know what I mean."



Yeah, I did know what he meant. He thought I looked even worse than usual. Dick face. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say."



He didn't say anything else but he did shake his head in response. "I got two good eyes, Ritz. You’re fine. You should already know I don't mean half the shit that comes outta my mouth."



He had. At least half a dozen times, so I should know better than to take too much of his verbal crap to heart. Plus, why should I care? It wasn't like I was planning on being best friends with him. Right?



"I know," I sighed, turning my attention to look out the window.



Neither one of us said anything else for the longest. I sat there and thought about telling Dex that I was quitting and the guilt swamped me. God, I felt like a jackass when I had no reason to. It wasn't like I was a special employee. The work was pretty easy, he could find a hundred other people to fill the position.



Still, it sucked.



I felt like my father. A coward.



A coward that had come into town and asked his long-lost son for money.



And a coward that had disappeared as quickly as he'd popped up. Which speaking of, I hadn't brought up to Sonny again after he'd been so pissed off over the situation. Dex might know more and he'd be a more reasonable person to talk to since he wasn't emotionally attached to the situation.



"Hey, Dex?"



The smartass that had somehow popped up over the course of the last three days replied, "Hey, Ritz."



Oh lord.



"By any chance, did you see Sonny's dad when he was here?" I asked him as casually as possible.



Keeping his eyes straight ahead, his mouth twitched. "Nope."



Nope? That was all I was going to get out of him?



"But I did hear about it," he thankfully kept going. His eyes flickered over in my direction. "Why?"



"I'm just curious." Extremely curious but he didn't need to know that.



"I know he asked for a loan," he offered in a gentle voice that made me wary. "And I know Luther didn't give it to him."



"Oh." I paused, redirecting my eyes to the window. "Huh."



I wanted to know what the money was for. And even though I didn't want to, I wanted to know what he'd been doing the last eight years. Why he hadn't bothered coming to see Will—to see me.



The questions sank to the pit of my stomach like lead, dragging my mood down with it. Until I thought about what it was like to go through a million and a half things without my father.



I didn't need him.



I didn't. Not today. Not tomorrow. Never.



"Trip told me the shit he pulled on you and your ma," Dex spoke suddenly.



My muscles tensed up.



"I remember hearin' about him movin' away when I was a kid," he explained. "I didn't know he left y'all though."



The urge to blabber out that he'd left a year before I got sick was right on my tongue but I fought it back.



"He never came back after your ma died?" Dex asked in a low, gentle voice.



I had to swallow back the bitter sting in my throat. "Nope. I mean, he came right at the end. Right before she died. Then he left again the day afterward." My voice cracked just a little but it was enough to shame me for being so emotional about something that had happened forever ago.