Under His Wings(34)

She would be giving up the life she’d worked so hard to reclaim.

And wasn’t that her fear? Once more she would become dependent on another person, subject to their decisions, whims…betrayals.

There were parts of her Tamar despaired she would never retrieve—her outgoing daredevil spirit, her open willingness to trust people. The Tamar of three years ago would have jumped at the opportunity to soar on a mythical creature’s back. But the Tamar who was terrified of flying, the dark and her shadow, had refused, opting to take the long trip to the mountains and safe house in a cramped car.

The crash had stolen so much from her, she couldn’t give up more—there wouldn’t be any of her left.

That she couldn’t—wouldn’t—do.

Straightening, she tilted her head back on her shoulders and the sun warmed her face. With the fresh, sweet air and the cool breeze tickling her skin, she could almost forget she was on a maniac’s short To Do list. But only for a second.

Tipping her head forward, she spun on her heel and trudged toward the cabin. Days like these she itched to bitch-slap Fate. Didn’t she have stray dogs to kick or little old ladies to push down? Instead she insisted on picking on the traumatized, scarred girl with a limp. Wasn’t that like double-dipping? How fucking fair was—

“Oof!”

Tamar braced her hands against the solid wall that had appeared in front of her. A solid wall of golden skin, sinew and bone. A tremor of need hummed through her at the unexpected contact. Unbidden, her fingers curled into the unyielding flesh of his chest. She bit back a groan but couldn’t control the shudder that shook her.

This close his wind-and-wild-heather scent wrapped around her like a lover’s embrace. The steady pounding of his pulse throbbed at the base of his neck. Heat poured out of him as if a furnace burned beneath his skin. She closed her eyes and for a quick, foolish moment, allowed herself to be lost in sensation. The thud of his heart under her fingertips. The brush of his jean-clad thighs. The thick wedge of his cock pressed to her abdomen.

“Tamar.”

The low velvet-over-gravel voice was another sensory block added to the teetering Jenga tower of emotions threatening to topple and crash down on top of her.

“Yes,” she whispered.

A beat of silence passed.

“You’re making this so fucking hard.”

Her head snapped up and she immediately wished she’d kept her chin ducked, kept her attention trained on his throat. Her caution came too late. The amethyst fire in his gaze razed to the ground every reason why she must maintain distance between them. Nothing made sense except for the lust that flared in his eyes like the hottest bonfire.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, ripping her gaze away from his and giving her head—and libido—a good, hard shake. Get it together. One plus one equals two. E equals MC². Dick equals disaster. “What did you say?”

“I wanted to know if you were up for a walk.”

Oh damn. She hated that leap of joy in her heart. Especially since it had nothing to do with a love of nature and everything to do with spending more time with Nicolai.

Just say no. Keep your distance. Tell him no thank you and walk away…

“Okay.” Damn! “Let me go change and I’ll meet you back here in ten minutes.”

He nodded and, as she climbed the steps to the second level, his searing stare heated her back, ass, legs. Her gut clenched.

God, she should have her head examined. Only someone a few bricks short of a load would willingly walk into the lion’s den.

Fifteen minutes later as they strolled side by side through the breathtaking Berkshire woods, Tamar decided yes indeed-y she was a few bricks short of a load.

She sighed. An early afternoon walk should have been innocent. A harmless little hi—God. The sun’s rays just gleamed on his skin. As if the beams fought to break through the trees’ thick branches just for the privilege of caressing him.

Shit. She kicked at a leaf in her path.

This stroll was as harmless as a round-house kick to the gonads.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, his arm brushing her shoulder.

“Bricks and balls.”

Silence. “Sounds…fascinating.”

A shaft of humor pierced the black cloud hanging over her head. “That was diplomatic.” Tipping her head back, she released another sigh. The magnificent, towering trees, their branches heavy with vibrant green leaves, mesmerized her.Craggy rocks in the distance touched the sky. The brilliant canopy of color along with the hushed quiet reminded her of a cathedral—God’s special place of worship right out here in the middle of His creation. “I wish Mom could have seen this.”