Under Fire (Love Over Duty #1)(65)

"I know, but it's my job. One I do willingly. One I am good at. I don't want to get shot any more than you don't want me to. But I'll always put you first." He ran his finger along her jaw and then snatched it away quickly. Even after his flesh left hers, the line he'd traced burned. "Anyway," he said, circling his finger to encourage her to turn and start moving again, "irreverent humor is the best way to get through shit like this. Plus, if you go first, I get to look at your ass."



       
         
       
        

Despite her nervousness, Louisa laughed. Perhaps he was right. There was only so much she could control. Another item to add to her list of things she'd learned since spending time with Six. Control wasn't everything. The design of every experiment she'd ever done depended on her having control of the inputs, all variables accounted for, excluded, or measured. But there was no way she could control what was going on in her life right now.

She made a move to kick off her sneakers on the last step, but Six put his hand on her arm. "No," he said quietly. "Always keep your shoes on. You need to be able to run, should you have to. And if you do, head for the harder sand. It's easier to sprint on. Running on soft sand takes more effort."

"I'm not sure I'd have been so eager to come out if I'd thought it all through," she said, looking at the water wistfully. The gentle shushing of the waves hitting the beach and the faint tang of saltwater in the air teased her. It was the perfect day to walk along the water's edge, feeling the surf bubble over her feet, cool and refreshing.

Though the local kids had gone back to school the previous week, the beach was busy. Families played in the warm sand and paddled in the shallow water. Three young men were lazily throwing a football between them. And a group of older ladies in wide-brimmed hats walked in their direction. Tourists. There were too many of them, and her heart rate quickened further. Six began to move, but she stayed rooted to the spot. Realizing that fear was no way to live her life and doing something about it were two different things. Recognizing she was guilty of one didn't directly mean that she could fix the other.

"What's up, Lou?" Six said, moving close to her side.

He was so close that she could see the beads of sweat on his brow and could feel the heat radiating from his body. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to focus on him and his presence, not all the other people on the beach outside of their circle. "I just need a moment."

Six put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She could feel the hard line of the gun under his jacket, but more importantly could bury her head in his chest for just a moment while she shored her defenses. His hand was between them, and she knew it was on the holster in his shorts, just in case. Louisa let his strength and absolute lack of fear seep into her. His hand crept to the back of her neck and massaged it slowly as he kissed the top of her head. "You're cool, chickpea. Just take a deep breath."

She let her breaths line up with his, slow and sure. "I'm not having a panic attack," she said, quietly.

"I know," he said, his words reverberating through his chest. "You're too in control for that, right?" 

Was she? Her insides felt like unset Jell-O, and her skin was the plastic mold holding it all together. She just needed to put one foot in front of the other, take one breath after the next.

Reluctantly, she pulled out of his arms and squinted as she looked up at him. His hair looked even whiter in the sunshine, but she couldn't see his eyes through his sunglasses.

"I hate being around people, Six. I know this will make no sense to you, and I guess the fear of being kidnapped is awful for anyone, but couple that with the fear of being around any person is almost  …  I'm worried that it's more than I can bear. There are obviously a number of people involved. If they need my help to re-create the sample, it will need to be in a lab, a cleanroom. And I can't imagine I'll be alone."

"You're going to hate me for saying this because it sounds so trite, but I think you'll find it's pretty amazing what you can deal with when you really need to. Have you ever heard of BUD/S?" he asked, starting to walk down the beach. He placed his hand on her lower back and she shivered at the contact. With gentle pressure, he escorted her around the groups spread out on the sand and those headed toward them.

Without thinking, she reached for his hand, wanting to continue the reassurance she felt in his arms, but he squeezed her fingers gently and then pulled away. Heat flooded her cheeks, and she took a step away from him.