“Your parents look like they’re still in love after all this time. It’s amazing.” I take some of the veggies from Kalin, set them on the counter, and begin to slice and dice.
“Yeah. It seems they were made for each other, if you believe in that sort of thing.”
“Do you?”
Kalin shrugs. “It seems like it happened with them. Not sure if that means it happens for everyone.”
“Were you in love with Madison?” I blurt out, somewhat surprised at my sudden boldness.
Kalin slices up a tomato like he knows what he’s doing, and then sprinkles some seasoning over the diced-up pile. “I was hurting at the time, Annabelle. I just needed someone. Madison has a big heart. She was there for me.”
“We’re you in love?”
Kalin stops what he’s doing and turns to me. His expression is solemn. “I was too hurt to fall in love. I wasn’t even capable of it. In many ways, it was unfair to her.”
“Was she in love with you?” I peer up at him, surprised at my insistence but pleased that I am taking this opportunity to ask.
“She was there for me, Annabelle. You have to understand I was still sorting through my feelings. I couldn’t mix the love I was feeling for Rebecca up with the affection I was feeling for Madison. She was there for me, but I had to step away from it and sort everything out before we became too serious. She understood that. She understood what I was going through, and I will always be grateful to her for that.”
“How do you know the difference?” I ask.
“Between what?”
“Affection and love?”
Kalin lets out a slow breath and stares at the counter for a moment. “Annabelle, don’t you know what love feels like?”
“I’ve never been in love before, Kalin. I mean, I never knew what it was.”
“How about now?”
“I guess that’s why it’s scary. With you I feel something I’ve never felt. But I don’t want to find out I’m just another notch, another bump in the road.”
“Is that what you think this is?” Kalin turns to me. There is pain in his expression that tears at my heart. “Maybe you’re the cynic, Annabelle. Maybe you don’t believe in love even when it’s right in front of you?”
I feel tears well up in my eyes, and I try to fight them off. “That’s not fair. I never said I didn’t love you, Kalin.”
“Then what is it?”
I take a breath and find myself searching for the reasons for my doubt. “I’m afraid I won’t measure up. I’m afraid of what you had, Kalin. Real love. With Rebecca. And maybe even Madison. And I wonder if I can ever measure up to that. It was so deep. It was so real.” I feel a tear stream down my face, and Kalin turns to me, and presses his large hands on my shoulders.
“Annabelle, don’t ever say that. Don’t ever say you can’t measure up. What I had with Rebecca will always be a part of me. It will never die. But you can’t compare yourself to her or anyone else. I love you for who you are, not because you remind me of someone.”
“I thought it was because you wanted a part of her back, and I could never be that to you.” I wipe my eyes and Kalin wraps his arms around me.
“No, sweetheart. Shhh. I love you for you. Not because I see someone else in you.” I sniffle on his sleeve, and Kalin pulls me back. “Do you understand?”
I glance down and wipe the tears from my eyes, and Kalin lifts my chin with his finger. “Do you know that I love you for you?”
I shake my head and only manage to choke back a sob, and Kalin hands me a tissue from the kitchen counter. I dab my eyes, and glance up at him. “How is it that I deserve any of this? How is it that I deserve you?” I glance down and pat my nose with the tissue. “I guess it seems too good to be true sometimes, and I think I’m going to wake up one day and you won’t be here,” I sniffle, staring at the floor. I lift my eyes to meet his. “All that will be left are my foolish dreams that this was for me.”
My eyes drift down, and Kalin lifts my chin again so that my eyes meet his. His eyes are warm and inviting, and that irresistible smile plays across his lips. “I’m not going anywhere, baby. And yes, this is real. What we have is as real as anything I have ever felt.” He presses his forehead to mine, and I am lost in the depth of his love and warmth of his eyes. His strong hands caress my shoulders, and the tension in my body gives way to the warmth of his touch. The words leap out of my throat before I can hold them back. “I do love you, Kalin. I have never been in love before…until I met you. And it scared me. I just wanted to know that I wasn’t going to lose you. With everything that’s happened, it scared me even more.”