Sympathy oozes from him. “It’s true, Alyse. Your father was trying to protect you and your sister. He still loved Elaine.”
“By telling us she abandoned us? How the fuck does that protect us?” I snarl.
He shrugs. I can tell he doesn’t really understand it either.
“I don’t understand any of this.”
“Your mom got better,” he continues. He’s now holding my hand. I let him, needing the comfort, human touch. Gravity. “It took her a few years, but she got herself into a program and got clean, but by then your father was the one in trouble with the gambling. She tried to come back and get you girls, but he fought her. By then he was a changed man, bitter. She threatened to take him to court to get custody and he said she’d never win because of her drug history. He was probably right, but who knows.”
I swallow down the bile that’s burning my esophagus. For the second time in little more than a week, everything I’ve always thought to be true is a lie. My head is literally buzzing.
“I need a drink.” Standing on unsteady legs, I head into the kitchen, grab the Woodford Reserve sitting on the counter and pour myself a highball glass full. Leaning on the counter for support, I take a couple large gulps and several deep breaths.
But the dam that I’ve been able to successfully keep my tears behind since Beck walked through that door cracks and the first sob involuntarily breaks free as I process his words.
My mom didn’t leave me.
She was kicked out.
She tried to come back.
My father wouldn’t let her.
My entire life could have been different. It could have been happy. Carefree. Maybe I wouldn’t be this fucked-up person who was constantly afraid of getting hurt, so she kept everyone out instead.
My body heaves and shakes and suddenly I’m engulfed in Beck’s arms. He’s whispering, “It’s okay,” over and over, but it’s not okay. It’s not. And I don’t know how to make it okay. I don’t know how I’m supposed to forgive everything that’s been done to me.
After my sobs subside, he leads me back into the living room and settles me on the couch, drink in hand. I stare down into the caramel-colored liquid trying to form all I’ve heard into some sort of shape that makes sense. I fail.
“Where do you fit into this? It wasn’t a coincidence we met, was it?”
“No,” he replies softly.
I cry, not even trying to stop it now. My heart is breaking. My soul, crushed.
“My mom married Roberto Mercado when I was just nine months old, but she died of breast cancer only five years later. Roberto adopted me, raising me as his own. Your mom met my stepfather during his campaign for city councilman in Dearborn. She was a volunteer. By then she was recovering and they fell in love and were married when I was fourteen. She wanted you and Livia back, but my father’s political career was taking off. He had moved quickly from councilman to mayor and had his sights set on state senator. They were trying hard to keep Elaine’s drug addiction under wraps and your father threatened to go to the press if she pursued custody, so she didn’t.”
I listen to every word, not able to wrap my head around any of it, but I also know he’s not lying. Stuff like this happens in movies or books, not real life. Does it?
“She always looked out for you and Livia, but from then on, she did it secretly. Even my father didn’t know she kept tabs on you. She pulled me in on her clandestine stalking I think mainly so she could use me as an excuse when my father questioned what she was doing or where she was going. We would drive by your house at least once a week and occasionally we would get a glimpse of you or Livia. She told me she even snuck in at night sometimes while you were sleeping and your dad was out gambling so she could just sit there and watch you.”
A river of pain pours from my eyes as I remember back to the nights I thought I’d dreamed she was with me. I hadn’t. She was there.
I want him to stop.
I want him to continue.
I want to be anywhere else but here.
“When I was twenty, my father got the Republican nomination for state senator and won. They moved to Lansing and Elaine was distraught at not being able to make sure you were okay, especially as it seemed your father’s gambling had reached an all-time high. And since I was staying back in Dearborn…”
He stops and wets his lips, his stare intense.
“She asked you to keep an eye on me,” I supply.
He nods solemnly. “I wasn’t supposed to talk to you. I was just supposed to watch you from afar, but…you were too fucking irresistible, Alyse. I couldn’t stay away. I think I’d been in love with you for years from afar. I watched you grow up from this awkward, gangly little girl into a stunning, incredible, smart woman who had been given an unfair lot in life but made the most of it anyway. Not once did I ever think of you as my stepsister. You were simply the woman I was in love with.”