Undeniably Asher (The Colloway Brothers Book 2)(97)
When he stops behind me, I close my eyes, silently begging for him not to touch me, only I can’t force the words past my closed lips. If I feel the heat of his skin on mine, the cool and aloof I’m trying for will disintegrate into nothingness and all that will be left is raw emotion. I’m not sure I can get through these next few minutes with no protection.
“I’m—”
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” I interrupt softly. “Please, anything but that.”
My eyes are still tightly shut when I feel his hands on my shoulders, gently turning me toward him. Tears sting and I refuse to open my lids even when he tips my chin up gently. I nervously chew on my lip, trying desperately to hold myself together.
“Alyse,” he coaxes. “Please look at me.”
I shake my head.
“Alyse.” He says my name with reverence and love, and when my watery eyes open and fall into his, I know he still feels those things. “I never wanted it to be like this.”
“Then why?” I choke, hanging onto my emotions by the very tips of my damn fingers. A traitorous tear leaks out, running down my cheek. I want to call it back. He’s undeserving of it.
He takes my hand, leading me to the couch and I let him. When he sits too close, I push myself back into the corner, getting as much distance between us as possible.
He looks resigned, nodding once at my action.
“I’m waiting,” I whisper, arms wrapped tightly around my knees, which are drawn up to my chin. I need to get as many things in front of my heart as possible.
“Before I start, I want you to know that I loved you, Alyse. I still lo—”
“Don’t say that. I don’t want to hear any of that.”
“Okay.” He sighs deeply, looking down at his hands. I’m trying to be callous, but the fact that I hurt him guts me more than I want to admit.
He lied to you, Alyse. Be strong.
“This may be hard for you to hear.”
“Stop it already!” I yell. “Just tell me the goddamn truth!”
“Your mom is married to my dad.”
That old adage, the truth shall set you free, pops into my mind. See…this is the thing about the truth. It does not set the recipient free; it sets the teller free. They can release their guilt because they’ve finally spoken it out loud. They get to let go of their burden, but then their burden becomes someone else’s. There’s a reason people keep secrets. It’s because they’re either shameful or they’ll hurt the person you want to protect most.
This couldn’t have hurt me more than if he’d held me down and cut out my heart while I watched.
“You’re my…” Gulp. “Stepbrother?”
“Sort of.”
“Jesus, Beck. What the actual fuck?” I scream, jumping off the couch. Pacing, my hands flail as I rage. “You either are or you aren’t. Did you know that when we were dating? Fucking?”
He winces at my vulgarity. “Yes.”
I can’t breathe. I stop in front of him, pointing to the door. “You need to leave.”
“No. You need to hear the rest of the story.”
“I don’t need to hear anymore.” My ears are ringing. “I think I’m going to faint,” I whisper before my knees buckle, but Beck is there, catching me before I can hit the ground.
He settles me back on the couch and heads to the kitchen. I hear a few cupboards open as the cotton and ringing in my ears starts to recede. He returns with a glass of water, which I greedily gulp.
“He’s my stepdad, actually.”
“What?”
“Can I get the story out this time without you freaking the fuck out?”
I glare at him, knowing full well I deserved that jab. “Yes.”
“You never talked about your mom, you know. It’s like you pretended she didn’t exist,” he says softly.
“She didn’t. She left me. Left her children, her husband.”
“She didn’t leave. Your father kicked her out. She was a drug addict, Alyse. You probably don’t even know that because you were so little. He couldn’t take it anymore. Back then your mom was not a good person. She slept around to get money for drugs. She had drug dealers in your house when you were home, putting you in danger. She sold anything she could get her hands on to get her next fix. For all your father’s faults, he did the right thing making her leave. It helped her get her life back together.”
“You’re lying,” I choke, unable to believe a word he just said. “I would have known if she was a drug addict. My father would have told us instead of just telling us she just walked out.”