Undeniably Asher (The Colloway Brothers Book 2)(89)

“I’m sorry,” she says with sympathy before squeezing my hand, leaving me to my own anguish.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

That phrase has to be the most wholly inadequate one in the entire English language, especially when used in conjunction with death. It’s what we say, because there’s nothing even created that could possibly ever be sufficient, but it doesn’t take away the debilitating pain piercing your very soul. Only time does that, turning that debilitating agony into something you can at least bear without a knifing burn each time you take a breath.

I hear the scrape of the door and quickly swipe the lingering tears, hoping my puffy eyes and splotchy face will be hidden in the darkness. My back is to the door. I don’t turn, fully expecting my visitor to be Asher, but it’s not.

It’s Barb Colloway.

“Hi,” she greets carefully, taking a seat beside me. She looks at my face and to my glass. “How’s the headache?”

I’ve never had a migraine in my life, and somehow I think Barb knows I made up an excuse to escape. That makes me feel even worse.

“Lingering,” I settle for. It’s not entirely untrue. I’ve had a stress headache for five solid days. “Thank you for checking on me, Barb.”

“My pleasure, dear. Asher wanted me to take his spot in their annual game of Monopoly so he could come down and check on you, but I don’t play games with my boys. Haven’t since they were little.”

I chuckle. “Too much testosterone?”

“Something like that,” she says with a wink. She regards me quietly for a few moments. “Is it all right if I stay awhile?”

“I think I’d like that,” I nod, genuinely meaning it. Barb Colloway is a magnificent woman. I can easily understand how her children love her so much. The first time I ever met her, she was so highly regarded by her kids, even at an age when children don’t always appreciate their parents, I expected to see her walking on water. She wasn’t, but seemed to walk on air instead.

I can’t imagine there’s anything that would ruffle that woman’s feathers.

“Maybe I can snag a glass of that, too?”

“It’s straight bourbon.”

“Even better.”

“Barb, you badass.” Chuckling, I jump up and pour two fingers over ice, handing it to her before retaking my seat.

“I’ve been known to have my moment or two,” she quips.

“Are you excited about the wedding?” I ask after a few moments of silence, because now I feel like I need to make small talk.

“Very,” she smiles. “Livia’s always been like a daughter to me. She and Gray are perfect for each other. Always have been, so I’m glad to see they’re finally getting their happy beginning.”

“Happy beginning. I like that.”

“I only wish Frank could be here.”

“I can’t imagine how hard it is for you,” I say softly. I refrain from saying I’m sorry, because…well I think we covered that before.

She doesn’t reply, but she doesn’t have to. The love I witnessed between Barb and Frank Colloway, even the few times I spent with them in my teenage years, was palpable and had an impact on me even then. I wanted what they had. I’d never seen anything like it, not that I had any role models in the ‘endless love’ category growing up.

We both watch the fire and sip our cocktails in comfortable peace for a while before she breaks it.

“You know, my boys do everything fiercely, but when they fall in love, it’s with their whole entire being. They give everything they have, everything they are. Just as they do with everything else in life. They don’t know any other way.”

My gaze slides to her profile, knowing this conversation has now turned from Gray and Livia to Asher and me.

“I believe once you find that one special person, you know it immediately.”

She turns, holding my stare. I’m hanging on every word, wondering what she’s going to reveal next.

“I knew immediately when Gray met Livia that something in him had changed. There was a twinkle in his eye and lightness to his step that wasn’t there before. Happiness radiated from him at the sheer mention of her name.”

She pauses. I realize I’m holding my breath in anticipation. Of what, I’m not sure.

“I’ve seen the same thing in Asher recently.”

I can’t help the small smile that curls my mouth.

“I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you, Alyse. Not with anyone.”

“I’m in love with him,” I confess thickly. I haven’t told another person, except Asher of course, how I feel about him and now I just blurted it out to his mother of all people. But it feels right. This is a conversation I’ve imagined having a hundred times with my own mother. Talking about boys and love and heartbreak. I want Barb to know how much I do love her son, even if everything else around me feels like it’s falling apart and makes no sense. That is one thing I know with absolute certainty.