Sighing heavily, he scrubs his hand over his hair several times, messing it up so it stands on end. I try to remain unaffected, but the gesture reminds me so much of Beck, the waterworks begin again. I angrily swipe them away. An undead man who pulled one over on me does not deserve my tears. Or my forgiveness.
“He talked about you all the time, you know.”
“No. I don’t know, actually. He never talked about you. He never talked about anything really, because Beck was about as secretive as the KGB, so apparently I didn’t know a fucking thing about him. He let me believe he was dead all this time, Cooper. All these years. So, forgive me if I don’t believe you. I almost—” I almost killed myself because I didn’t want to live without him.
“He was in love with you. He was, Alyse. I…I don’t think he’s ever gotten over you.”
“How can you possibly say that, Cooper?” I sneer. “Did he tell you I was pregnant? Did he tell you he fucking lost it when I told him? Did he tell you he drove us into a grove of oak trees, trying to kill us after I gave him the good news that he was going to be a father?”
He looks as heartbroken as I feel. My breath hitches.
“He told me everything, Alyse. Beck was devastated after the accident, but the accident was not intentional. Carelessness? Yes. Intentional? No,” he says quietly.
I’m so overwhelmed in that moment I don’t know what to do, so I put my head in my hands and cry. I hear the scrape of chair legs against the floor. I feel an arm around me as Cooper takes the seat next to mine.
“Why? Why? Why would he do that to me?” I openly weep. “Why would he let me believe he’s dead all this time? I loved him. Even after what happened, I still loved him.”
His arms tighten. “That’s his story to tell. I won’t do that to him.”
We sit like that for ten, maybe fifteen minutes and this intense, overwhelming need to see Asher unexpectedly hits me. To have him hold me, kiss me, make love to me. I have a four-hour drive ahead of me, but I can’t leave town first without seeing him. It’s like someone has pulled a thread, just one loose thread that’s barely holding me together. The only person who can stop me from completely unraveling is him.
“I have to go.” Pulling a tissue from my purse, I wipe my eyes the best I can and stand, looking down at Cooper’s seated form. “Do not bring him to the wedding, Cooper. Don’t do that to me. Please.”
“I wouldn’t, Alyse. I won’t. No matter what’s happened between you and Beck, I like you. I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
“How will that work exactly? Our friendship? With Beck?”
“I don’t know, but you are both important to me, so I’ll figure it out.”
I want that, too. I truly like Cooper. Nodding, I lean down, placing a light kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.”
“Alyse, please tell me you’ll think about it. Talking to him, I mean.”
“I—”
“Don’t say no. Just say you’ll think about it. Please. Not for him, but for you. There are things you don’t know. Things you don’t understand, and I think if you knew them, you’d see the situation in an entirely different light. He’s…well, he’s suffered just as much as you have, if not more.”
“Doubtful,” I mumble as I walk out.
Outside, I stand in the blustery winter wind, pulling my coat tighter around me. While I wait for the little white hand at the crosswalk to indicate it’s safe, something makes me turn to my left. When I do, through all the throngs of lunchgoers, I see Beck standing across the street, leaning against a brick building, intently watching me.
My breath is momentarily lost. He’s aged into a simply beautiful man.
“I’ve never loved another person as much as I love you, Alyse. You’re my entire life. My world. My future.” Beck has tears in his eyes. I wonder what’s wrong. He’s been more erratic than usual lately.
“Mine, too,” I whisper before pulling him down to my waiting lips, trying to seal him to me forever. “Don’t leave me, please.”
“Never. Never, baby.”
I realize that since the front of the diner Cooper and I were sitting in is solid glass and we were by the window, Beck’s probably watched our entire exchange. Watched me yell, watched me break. Probably hoped I would want to see him, just waiting for the prearranged signal.
Ever since I saw Asher again months ago, the giddy, teenage feelings I’ve always had for him have blossomed into undeniable love. A love so deep and passionate, it makes me breathless. I’m so filled to the brim with happiness I feel like I might burst some days. Some may think it’s too early, but I don’t care what they believe. I know what I feel. It’s a love that makes you question all other loves before it and I’ve found myself wondering if I ever really loved Beck at all or if that was something I made up in my young mind.