As I absently watch Cooper, while I plan the right time to find all those damn keys so I can lay my soul bare to the man I’ve fallen in love with, I observe his cousin’s head slowly turn my way.
Our gaze violently collides.
My eyes narrow. My breath catches.
My entire world comes crashing to a screeching halt.
Everything I thought I knew to be true blows up like a nuclear bomb in my face, the fallout just as toxic and deadly.
Across a dark, crowded bar in Chicago, Illinois, almost eight years to the day, I lock eyes with the first man I loved, the man I gave my virginity to, the man I created life with.
The man I thought was dead.
Gears click soundly into place, the noise loud and deafening.
Doppelganger.
Cousins.
CB29 Studios.
Cooper. Beck.
Beck.
Time rewinds.
I hear the horrific sounds of metal crunching.
I feel the pain of broken bones and glass slicing open my fragile skin.
I sense warm blood running in rivulets down my face, into my eyes.
I hear screaming. Mine.
I hear silence. Beck’s.
Tightly woven memories blanket me until there is nothing but darkness.
Chapter 30
Asher
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay, baby?” I ask, running fingers through her silky hair as she lies with her head on my lap. We have the TV on, watching some old western, but I don’t think either of us could tell you what’s going on. My dad was a huge western fan. Out of the four brothers, I’m the only one who inherited his love of them.
“I’m fine, Asher. Really.” Her voice is flat and monotone.
If I hear another goddamn “fine” I may just lose it. She’s not fine. Ever since she passed out cold last night at the bar, she’s been the furthest fucking thing from fine.
She claims to have no idea why she blacked out for a few seconds, blaming it on the mixture of tequila and wine. I’m skeptical. She’s been distant and quiet and I’ve barely been able to pull a word out of her since. Something is wrong. Very wrong. Something happened, and for the life of me I can’t figure out what it is.
Everything was perfectly fine until Addy was hauled off in Luke’s arms and that photographer left. Then shortly after, she’s slumped over on my shoulder, dead to the damn world. I’ve never been so fucking scared than in those few seconds I couldn’t rouse her. When she finally came to, she was pale and shivering. The look in her eyes was like nothing I’ve ever seen.
She was simply lost. Empty.
She didn’t say a word the rest of the night, other than to repeatedly tell me she was fine.
A panicky feeling is building in my chest, right about where my heart is. It’s been intensifying all day. She’s pulling away. I feel it. I see it. I sense it down to my very core. Her moat is back and filled to the brim with choppy black waters, her drawbridge firmly up and locked. All the progress we’ve made at letting me in over these last few weeks has just vanished. I’m standing on the outside of her fortress again, knowing I need a new plan. Knowing I’ll have to start all over again.
And I’ll do it. A thousand times over if I have to. I simply refuse to let her slip away from me. Not when I know I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with her. I told her I would never abandon her and I will go to my grave keeping that promise. I will never let this woman down like so many before me.
I’m trying not to overreact, but I’m terrified. Truly, utterly terrified that I’m losing her. I want to shake her, force her to spill the secrets she’s hiding. I want to open up her damn brain and pull them out myself and then erase them, so all she’ll know is the unconditional love and happiness I will lavish on her every day for the rest of our lives. I want her to trust that she’s emotionally safe with me, that she can be vulnerable without being judged or condemned.
I’m so distraught I even called Livia from the bathroom a bit ago to see if she had any insight. She claims to be as clueless as I am, but she seems extremely concerned. That’s only intensifying my own anxiety.
I can’t believe how woven Alyse has become in my daily life in such a short time. I have a hard time sleeping if she’s not in my arms. I have a shitty day if I can’t see her face before I start it. I’m irritable if I can’t talk to her, even by text, several times a day. She has bewitched me completely and thoroughly.
I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how I’m going to keep her here after the audit because after the best blow job known to mankind the other day, she excitedly went through what she’d discovered. When she was rattling on about vendors and fake invoices and bank accounts, I could barely listen to the words. I was completely mesmerized at her enthusiasm and passion and sheer love of her job.