“I am,” I sigh, scrubbing my hand over my face.
“How does she feel?”
God, I wish I knew. “Not sure, but after today, she may never talk to me again. I fucked up big time.”
“What’d you do?”
I stand and pour myself another whiskey in a fresh glass, taking a healthy gulp before answering. “I walked in on my director of finance with his hands all over her, just seconds away from kissing her. Jesus, I could see the lust in his eyes. I have never felt such rage, even when I walked in on Natalie that night. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands, Conn.”
“Oh boy. What happened?”
“He left, unfortunately unscathed. Alyse and I had words. She told me she wasn’t attracted to him and said I could trust her.”
“Oh Christ, Ash. Tell me you didn’t.”
He doesn’t need to ask. He knows exactly what I said, but he’s going to make me speak the words anyway. I look down at my caramel-colored whiskey, which reminds me of Alyse’s eyes.
Warm. Deep. Beautiful.
And full of unknowns that could hurt me.
“I told her trust is earned.”
“Jesus, Asher. You fucking asshole.”
“I know. Trust me. I know.”
“You need to make this right,” he replies adamantly.
“I’ve been trying. She won’t answer my calls or texts.” And part of me even wonders if she’ll show up in the office tomorrow. Hell, she’s probably halfway back to Detroit by now, making arrangements for one of her other auditors to take her place.
Dammit.
“You’re probably one of the most tenacious people I know, Asher. Get on the damn elevator and go down the five floors to her apartment. Make her listen to you.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“Tell her the truth.”
Taking another drink, I savor the bite. “And what’s that?”
“That some other woman permanently fucked you in the head.” I half expect him to laugh, but he doesn’t. He is serious.
“That’s not true.”
“Yeah. It is,” he chuckles. “Look, I know you don’t like me to bring up her name, but Jesus, Natalie did a number on you and I told you last week that you can’t be what Alyse needs until you let that shit go. I know you don’t want to hear it and you may not even believe it’s true, but sometimes you can’t see the forest through the trees, brother. The fact that you just about assaulted a good friend of ours in the other room ten minutes ago says it all.”
I’m silent, which is apparently Conn’s clue to keep talking, even though I wish he’d shut up.
“You have it all backward. Guilty until proven innocent is fucked up and a lonely way to live. Listen, I don’t claim to know exactly how you feel, having the woman you love cheat on you, but not every woman is Natalie. Alyse isn’t Natalie. And you can’t put Natalie’s shit on Alyse like you did today. She’s an attractive woman, Asher, and you’re going to have to deal with that better than trying to take out any guy who looks at her with a little appreciation or you’re gonna find yourself blowing in the wind. Alone.
“I don’t know Alyse all that well, but she doesn’t seem like the kind of woman who would put up with that possessive jealousy bullshit. And in all of my twenty-nine years, I’ve never seen you act like this over a woman, not even when Natalie screwed you over. Alyse is the real deal, Ash. Don’t fuck it up and let the best thing that ever walked into your life walk back out because you can’t get out of your own way.”
I listen to his insightful words and I know he’s right. Then I decide to tell him the other thing that’s bothering me. Hell, I might as well peel all my skin off at once. “She doesn’t know about my…preferences.” That was always an issue with Natalie, even though she pretended to like it at the beginning. Natalie pretended to be a lot of things she wasn’t.
“And you still want that even though it makes you homicidal if another man looks at her? That makes no sense, man.”
I shake my head, because he’s right. It’s a complete contradiction, but it doesn’t change how I feel about either thing. “Yes.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“You’re not going to see shit, brother. Ever.” My glare pulls a laugh from him.
“You know I didn’t trust Natalie from the very beginning, Asher. Everything she did had an ulterior motive. Alyse is not like that. Alyse is real and honest and sincere. If it’s not her thing, I think she’ll tell you.”
I nod, hoping he’s right. “Why do you want me to talk to Natalie so damn bad if you never even liked her?”