Okay, so it was exactly what it looked like.
Crap.
I want to break our gaze, but I can’t because then I’ll look guilty. And I’m not guilty. I did nothing wrong, but when he puts it like that, I feel guilty. Damn him for making me feel like I did something behind his back.
“I did nothing wrong here. I didn’t lead him on. I’ve told him repeatedly I’m involved with someone. Nothing happened, and I wouldn’t have let anything happen. You’re overreacting.”
“It didn’t look like nothing was happening to me.”
“Dammit, Asher. You got here about two seconds before I was about to tell him to back the fuck off.”
“Two more seconds and his mouth would have been on yours.”
“Damn you! Nothing happened. Nothing would have happened. I’m not attracted to Aaron.”
“He wants you.”
I shake my head. “Well, I don’t want him,” I retort. “I only want you.”
His eyes bore into me, as if trying to ferret out a lie. I wonder who hurt Asher so badly that he doubts me when I’ve given him no reason to. I’m disappointed and offended that he thinks I would do that to him. To us.
“I may have a lot of personality flaws, Asher, but adulterer is not one of them. I have never cheated on a man in my entire life. I wouldn’t do it.”
“I won’t share what’s mine, Alyse. That’s a deal breaker.”
“It is for me, too.”
We stand there, eyes locked for several tense minutes, neither of us moving. The five feet that separate us may as well be the goddamn Pacific Ocean. As hard as I’ve fallen for Asher, I don’t know if we’re going to make it if he freaks out like a rabid animal every time a man shows any hint of interest in me.
Possessive is one thing.
Irrational psychotic jealousy? No. I won’t subject myself to that for any man. Not even Asher.
A knock breaks us out of our strained standoff. I open the door to find a sheepish Tara standing outside. Lovely. She’s probably heard half of our fight; maybe she’s even transcribed it for our reading pleasure later.
“I’m really sorry to interrupt, but your two o’clock is here, Asher.” Tara spins, quickly walking away without waiting for a response. I don’t blame her. The tension swirling in this office is now so thick it’s suffocating me with every shallow, harsh breath.
Without a word, Asher pushes off my desk and starts to walk out. Grabbing his arm, I stop him, but he doesn’t look at me. “You need to trust me.”
If you break down his three-word response, each word is innocuous and harmless all on its own, but the way he strung them together hurts as much as being stabbed slowly with the end of a spoon. In fact, I’m not sure any other man has ever hurt me as deeply as the pain those three little words inflict.
“Trust is earned.”
Chapter 20
Asher
“I’m out.” I turn over my cards, including my pathetic pair of twos, throwing them down in disgust. As I attempt to watch the rest of the hand play out, I pick up my Jameson, neat. Taking a long swallow, I savor the slow burn spreading in my nostrils, down my esophagus, and into my stomach.
I deserve it. I need it.
I want it to sweep through my bloodstream quickly and numb my brain, erasing my entire day.
My entire shitty day.
The potential acquisition we’ve been working on for months was flushed down the shitter today because of a huge unfunded pension liability we found during our due diligence. Thank God we found it, because after the HMT patent debacle and the current embezzlement mess we’re in with CFC, the last thing we need is to inherit another pile of financial crap, but we were literally just two weeks away from closing that deal. Months of work, wasted.
Then Tara told me she needs six weeks off at the first of the year because she’s having “female” surgery. Tara’s like my fucking right arm. Without her I’ll be lost, even if it is just for a short period of time. I couldn’t be an asshole and tell her she couldn’t have time off, even though those words were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to ask if she could work from bed, but I figured I’d probably be violating all kinds of employment laws with that request, so I smiled politely and kept my mouth shut. She assured me she knew of a couple good temps that would work “so well I wouldn’t even know she was gone.” Not highly likely.
And then of course there’s the way I handled the situation with Alyse. I’d gone to find her in hopes of spending a few stolen minutes selfishly getting lost in her, only to find that fuckhead, Aaron, hitting on her.
I handled the situation poorly. I know that. I knew it at the time, but it was like having an out-of-body experience. My body and my mouth had been taken over by some unknown force. I hovered ten feet above, watching it play out like a bad fucking movie that I couldn’t pause or rewind.