I stiffen and he pulls me tighter. “Yes,” I answer on a choke.
“A friend?”
“I don’t like talking about it,” I say softly. Tears prick over another man that are most unwelcome in this moment with Asher. A reminder of no matter how much I try to put that part of my life behind me, I just can’t seem to cut the cord and leave it there.
“I’m sorry, baby.” I feel his lips on the top of my head. I’m surprised at how much they comfort me.
He doesn’t ask any more questions. I don’t offer any more information. We’ve gone silent again, but it’s not uncomfortable.
“Tell me what your tattoo means.”
Wow, he’s really going for the jugular and he doesn’t even know it. I was grateful that we’d moved off the topic of the accident, but this one isn’t much safer. I hadn’t even realized he’d seen the small tattoo on the inside of my ankle. He hasn’t mentioned it once.
“What do you believe in so much that you had that word inked on your body?” he prods.
It’s so simple, but often the simplest words mean the most. It’s a reminder that my life is worth so much more than I thought it was at my lowest point. The day I got it is a day I’ll never forget.
It’s life.
It’s hope.
It’s second chances.
It’s a future that I almost selfishly deprived myself of because I was too depressed to realize that my emotional agony would eventually become bearable.
But I don’t say any of those things. Instead, I settle for my usual MO. Being vague. It requires a lot less explaining.
“A lot of things and sometimes nothing at all.”
“That’s pretty cryptic, baby.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Alyse…I want in.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I’m trying. It may not seem like it, but I am. I’ve never shared with anyone what I just shared about my father.”
I’m back to lying in the crook of his arm, but he rolls me over so I’m now pinned underneath his heavy weight. He takes my face in his strong hands, eyes searching mine, thumb stroking my bottom lip.
“I want every single part of you.”
Breathing becomes difficult and not because he’s heavy, but because the conversation now is. I know exactly what he’s asking. I want to give it, but I’m terrified that he’ll look at me differently once he knows my dirty, dark secrets. I can’t expose myself like that without knowing where this is headed.
Those damn tears return. “What if you don’t like them?”
“Alyse, there’s nothing you could tell me that would scare me away. I’ll love every part of you.”
Doubtful. “I don’t want to be just a fling,” I respond instead. I won’t survive it. I’m already too invested in him.
His eyes soften. “This is so much more than just sex to me, Alyse. I was kind of hoping this would turn into forever.”
The pathways from my brain to my lungs are singed by those romantic words, rendering me breathless. “I—I don’t want to get hurt, Asher.”
“Neither do I, baby. And with the way I’m feeling about you, if you don’t feel the same, I… Jesus, I like you, Alyse. A helluva lot. More than a lot.”
“Me too.” I confess through the lump in my throat. I’m falling so hard and fast for him, I’m freaking out. My insides are quaking so much that all thoughts about why this was ever a bad idea are crushed to dust under the heavy weight of the emotional avalanche.
“Alyse,” he whispers reverently before taking my mouth in a soft, slow kiss. I expect him to deepen it, I expect him to ravage me, but he doesn’t. He worships my mouth, my body, and my soul.
Slowly.
Passionately.
Thoroughly.
He makes unmistakable love to me, telling me with unsaid words what we both feel, but what is probably too early to voice.
I am undeniably in love with Asher Colloway. If I hadn’t admitted it to myself before tonight, there’s no refuting it now, just like there’s no refuting the love pouring from Asher into me with each reverent touch or each slow thrust of his hips.
I’ve given him my body.
I can’t keep him out of my heart.
But I have to wonder…once I let him into my mind and he sees the real me, will he want to stay?
Chapter 19
Alyse
“I’m glad you said yes,” Cooper says before taking another bite of his bison burger.
“Me too,” I reply, looking longingly at his burger as I stuff some bland lettuce into my mouth. With Livia’s wedding just a few short weeks away, I have the requisite five pounds to lose. Or…at least not gain.