“That’s true,” she says, chuckling.
My cell buzzes, which is sitting on the table beside me. It’s a text from Asher. I quickly pick it up before Livia sees.
Asher: miss u, baby
I miss you too. I can’t help the smile that eats up my face.
Me: thought u were eating dinner
He responds immediately.
Asher: i’d rather b eating u
I hope to hell Livia is too busy eating her pizza to notice I’ve turned twenty hues of pink.
Me: me too
Asher: i’m going to feast on u ltr, alyse
God.
Me: i’m not sure i’m on the menu tonite
I set the phone in my lap while waiting for a reply. It takes all of two seconds, but I can’t look because Livia’s watching me like a hawk.
“I can tell by the look on your face that’s Asher,” she smirks.
I ignore her jibe because the suspense is too much. I have to look down at the dirty words that I know await me. I may not have been able to spend a lot of time with Asher this week, but we’ve certainly kept a string of raunchy texts alive and breathing. I’ve been in a constant sexual haze since the day before Thanksgiving when he sauntered into my office looking so goddamn edible I could barely concentrate on the words falling from his lips.
Asher: i’m going to fuck that sass right out of u later
I type a quick reply.
Me: promises promises
I lift my eyes, trying to pay attention to my sister. “And you know that how?”
“Because you’re all flush and giddy.” Damn. I look away, embarrassed, but my head snaps back up when she adds, “And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you so happy.”
She’s wrong. I was very happy once upon a time. I feel another buzz, but decide to give my attention to Livia.
“Spending a lot of time with him this week?”
“A little. We’ve both been busy.”
“Are you?” she asks.
“Am I what?”
“Happy?”
I take my time answering, because I’m afraid to jinx things.
Yes, I’m insanely happy. Happier than I’ve been in a very long time, but I don’t have any idea where this is going. We’re clearly in lust, but is there more? Can there be more? Asher wants me to submit to him in every way, and Monday night felt more like lovemaking than a good fucking, and that both thrills and scares me.
But my fucked-up mind still waffles dozens of times a day. So much so, I’m giving myself motion sickness. One minute I think I can go all in, leaving the past behind, the next I’m sure this is probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, because against my better judgment, I’m invested emotionally already. I haven’t been emotionally invested in a man since Beck.
“Yes,” I finally answer. “But I just don’t know where it’s headed.”
“Where do you want it to go?”
“I—” I want to lie and say I don’t know, but that’s not true. I do know. I am already half in love with Asher. He’s had a part of me since I was seventeen years old. But the other half is mired deep in the past. “I really like him,” I settle for. It feels too early to think about long-term, even though I can’t stop my foolish female mind from going there.
“But…”
“But, I don’t know, Libs. We’re insanely attracted to each other, but I just, I don’t know what he wants beyond sex.” And I’m reluctant to put myself out there completely until I do. Asher’s a player. I’ve known that since the moment I met him eight years ago. So what if he’s just playing me now? His words, and even his actions say otherwise, but I don’t know. My life, my business…they are all in Detroit. Not Chicago. This is only temporary.
Why does that thought make me so sad?
She studies me for a few moments. “You know, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but Gray talked to Asher the night before Thanksgiving about you.”
That perks me up. That was the night we had our “date” slash fake business meeting. “He did?”
“Yeah. Asher hasn’t been serious about a woman in a very long time, and Gray knew back at that family dinner a couple months ago that he took an interest in you. He’s been trying to warn him off ever since, because he was worried about him hurting you.”
Interesting.
Livia continues. “And Asher asked if Gray cared about him getting hurt.” She reaches across the table, taking my hand; sincerity oozes from her. “He likes you, Alyse. A lot, from what I can tell. A woman in his past hurt him badly, but Gray doesn’t talk about it and Asher and I aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, so I don’t know the specifics, but Gray says he hasn’t taken an interest in a single woman since then. Until you.”