Undeniably Asher (The Colloway Brothers Book 2)(45)
“How was the meeting?” she asks excitedly when I walk into the kitchen.
“Good,” I reply, throwing Cooper’s business card on the counter. “I hired this guy. He’s really good. Very creative. I think you’ll like him.” Picking up a celery stick from a veggie platter, I take a bite and add, “And I saved you a thousand bucks.”
She stops cutting a red pepper that she’s going to add to a platter big enough to feed ten people. “Really? How’d you do that?”
I shrug. “I used my stellar negotiation skills.”
“Thanks. It just makes me sick that this wedding is so expensive. If I would have known how much things were going to cost, I may have reconsidered eloping.”
“Livia, you deserve the wedding of your dreams. And I think Gray can afford it.”
“I know. It’s not that. It’s just…I…we never had much growing up, Lys, and even though I know all of this,” she waves the hand that’s still wielding the knife around the massively eloquent apartment, “is going to be mine, it doesn’t seem right to spend money foolishly. I think I’ll always be pragmatic, and spending tens of thousands of dollars on one day just feels…wrong. And stupid.” She shakes her head, going back to her chopping.
“Libs. Your wedding is not foolish or wrong or stupid. It’s special. I know you. It’s the one and only time you’ll be married and you deserve to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”
Her eyes snap up and I see something undefined in them before they well with tears.
“Oh God, I’m sorry. What did I say?” I round the counter and hug her. Her shoulders shake, but she says nothing. “Livia, what is it?”
She pulls back, wiping her tears. “Nothing. Hormones. Everything makes me cry these days.” She won’t look at me when she answers. That’s a telltale sign Livia’s lying. My heart hurts that she won’t trust me with the truth.
Hypocrite, my conscience whispers.
We’re silent for a few uncomfortable minutes. It’s like there’s this big swirling cloud of secrets and distrust between us. I hate it. And I can’t even blame it all on her.
She turns to grab the pizza that’s warming in the oven and sets it on the counter. “I have beer or wine. Which would you prefer?”
“Beer, but I’ll get it.”
“No. I’ve got it. I sit around all day doing nothing. I’m going absolutely stir-crazy now that I’m starting to feel better.”
I watch her busy herself for a couple minutes. “Do you ever think about Mom?” I blurt. I don’t know why I’m asking, because we haven’t talked about our mother in years. It’s not really a taboo subject, just more of a painful one that we both try to avoid.
She sets a Dark Side Porter down in front of me and I take a big, unladylike swallow.
“Sometimes. I wonder if she’s still alive.”
“Me too. Will you miss her being at your wedding?”
Contemplating my question, she finally answers, “I think it’s hard to miss someone you don’t even really know. I’ll miss the idea of her, but I can’t say I’ll miss her, per se. Make sense?”
“Yes.” I pick at the label, making a confession. “I used to fantasize that she sat outside the house and watched us play in the yard, or that she snuck in at night and tucked us in. I swear I used to smell her perfume lingering in my room some nights or feel the light press of a kiss on my cheek. I used to tell myself she had no choice but to go away and that the only way she’d stay away was if it were against her will.”
Livia’s lips thin. “The older I get the more I realize we don’t always have a choice in a lot of things in life, Alyse. Sometimes choices are made for us and we just have to go along for the ride.”
I nod, not knowing exactly how to respond. I happen to think there’s always a choice. Maybe they’re not good ones, but there are options. Luckily Livia changes subject to something lighter, more neutral.
“So, how’s your project at CFC going?”
Getting settled, I moan at the first bite of the deep-dish cheesy goodness that will go straight to my ass, but I do not care.
“It’s good. I’ve had a lot of meetings this week and just started really digging into the books these past couple of days. I wish I could hit the ground running, but it takes a few days to get acclimated to a company’s systems, culture, and processes. But everyone is very nice and helpful so far, so that’s a plus. That’s not always the case when an auditor walks through the door. We’re just about as welcome as the IRS.”