“Eight years,” he whispers so soft it takes a minute to register.
Then his hands are on my ass, pulling me toward him. His mouth against my inner thigh startles me. It’s soft. Too soft. I want hard. I want rough. I want wild. I’m like a caged animal and if he doesn’t fuck me hard soon I think I might attack.
“Jesus, Alyse. So wet,” he rasps, dipping a finger fully inside my panties.
“Asher…” His name comes out on a breathy exhale.
Hot kisses are scattered up one inner thigh and down the other before he takes my cloth-covered clit in his mouth and sucks. I barely catch the cry his wicked move forced from my lungs. “So fucking tempting,” he rumbles right before he scoops me off his desk and onto his lap, holding me tight.
Confusion rattles my brain and embarrassment tightens my skin. This is the second time in just days I’ve practically thrown myself at him and the second time I’ve been gently let down. That is definitely not good for my fragile feminine ego.
Ugh.
“Hey.” His finger hooks under my chin, forcing me to look at him. I shift my eyes. “Alyse, look at me,” he demands. Reluctantly, I do, because as with every other time he gets that bossy tone, I want to comply. I want to please him.
God, I hate myself. I am not this weak woman who wants to do a man’s bidding. I’ve been nothing but strong my entire fucking life. I’ve suffered heartbreak, death, abandonment. I survived my own debilitating depression, twice. I started my own business right before my twenty-fourth birthday, for Christ’s sake.
I am woman. Hear me roar.
But around Asher, I just want to let it all go. Around him, I can set my heavy burdens down and take a much-needed rest for the first time in my entire life. I don’t feel like I have to be that strong woman I pretend to be with everyone else.
“Do not doubt how much I want you. I’m in utter misery with want. But, God, I have to do this right. For the first time ever with a woman, I need this to be right.”
Leaning down, he snares my lips in a gentle kiss and just like that, my awkwardness dissolves in a cloud of mist, replaced strangely enough with peace.
I try to sit up and gain some distance, but his arms tighten. “I—This is not who I am, Asher. I’m like a completely different person around you.”
Cupping my cheek so I can’t look away, he shakes his head, a smile tugging on his lips. “This is exactly who you are, Alyse. I don’t know how you keep the real you hidden from everyone else, including Livia, but you do. You’re very good at it; I’ll give you that. Even better than the last time I last saw you.
“But I saw into your soul the very first time I looked into your eyes eight years ago and I still see it now. It’s darker, worn around the edges, but Jesus, it’s brilliant. It’s magnetic. I see my reflection in it. This is exactly who you are, Alyse, because with me, you can let your guard down and just be you.”
I’m captivated. Every word is a warm ray of sunshine that settles on my skin and seeps into my pours. It fills those lonely parts of me I don’t like to acknowledge. It makes me feel lighter. Happier. Greedily, I want more of it.
“How do you know?” I’m not even sure what I’m asking, but Asher does.
Smiling gently, he pecks the tip of my nose. “I know, because that’s exactly how you make me feel.”
“Asher.” I let his name linger, because I don’t know what to say. I’ve known him for so many years. I know so many things about him, yet I don’t know him at all. Except I can’t help but feel that it doesn’t really matter, because I do. It’s like my soul recognizes him as mine. It’s confusing and may not make a lot of sense to anyone else, but it makes perfect sense to me. Everything he’s said is true. I can be myself with him. I always have. It almost feels like my person, the one I’ve been looking for my whole life, has been under my nose the entire time.
“Let me in, sweet Alyse,” he tells me softly.
I swallow hard. Unwelcome tears prick and a traitorous one escapes, rolling slowly down my cheek. “I’m not sure I know how.” My voice is quiet and it cracks upon my weighty confession. I wasn’t even this truthful with Finn and I was with him for a year. It gives me hope that maybe I’m not a lost cause after all.
Asher’s smile puts me at ease. His thumb wipes away evidence of my vulnerability, which is making me nauseous. “I have my own issues, Alyse. My own trouble letting a woman close. But I can honestly say I’ve never wanted to try more than I do with you.”
I’m quiet, absorbing his confession. “Okay.”