His sharp intake of breath cuts me to the quick. “It’s him, isn’t it? The guy at the bar?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Do you love him?”
“Very much.”
He presses his lips to my temple, letting them linger. “I feel like I’m losing you all over again.”
His pain seeps into me, battering my heart. “Beck, I—I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sorry. I know that’s not fair. I’ll always love you, Alyse. Always.”
“So will I. Just…not in the same way as I once did.” I just didn’t fully realize that until now. Those chains I’ve had locked tightly around my heart suddenly break, each link severing permanently from the link before it. For the first time in twenty-five years, I feel whole. Repaired. Worthy.
My mom wanted me.
Beck wanted me.
Asher wants me.
“Can I hold you? Please?”
I may not be in love with Beck, but I still care about him immensely. We have a history that can never be erased. I need this for closure, even though I hope that maybe we can be friends somehow. “I’d like that.”
Beck pulls me to him, tucking me under his arm and we relax against the back of the couch.
“Jesus, I have missed you.”
“Me too.”
“I’ve thought about you every day for the last eight years, Alyse.”
“Me too,” I confess. “I’m glad you’re not dead.”
“So am I. Took me a while to get there, but…yeah.”
“How did you know about the baby?”
“I saw the marker along the side of the road.”
I tilt my head up as he bends his down. “You went to the crash site?”
His eyes soften and the agony I see churning makes me swallow back my tears again. “Many times. Going back there was part of the healing process for me and then…then I just wanted to be close to you and our baby and I didn’t know any other way.”
“Beck…” I feel immense guilt for all the bad things I’ve thought about him over the years when he’s suffered so much. We sit there in silence, neither able to break away from the other, both of us remembering.
He clears his throat. “So, this guy…”
“Asher,” I smile. “Asher Colloway.”
“Asher. You’re in love with him, huh?”
I nod and his mouth turns down slightly. It tugs hard on my heart.
“Does he know about me? Us?”
“Not yet,” I reply softly. But I need to fix that.
“You going to marry him?”
“Yes,” I answer with no hesitation. Because now I know there is none. Hesitation, I mean. I want to tell Asher everything. Everything. Barb Colloway was right. Forgiveness is freeing. Even through this horrible scenario, I feel lighter. Happier. Finally…finally ready to move on.
“I’m glad. I mean, I’m jealous as hell, but you deserve to be happy, Alyse.”
“Yes. I do.” I grin again and he laughs, squeezing me tighter. “Tell me about my mom.”
So he does. He talks and talks and talks until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.
Chapter 38
Asher
I stand there, unable to make my mind work through what I’m seeing.
Bob Everley called me at eight to tell me he was dropping the lawsuit. I gathered through my discussions with Patty, his financial advisor, that Bob’s been asking her out for quite some time. She’s refused. He trumped up some bogus charges to try to scare her into changing her mind. Needless to say, we won’t be doing business with Bob Everley any longer. He can take his twenty mil and have some other firm manage it. Motherfucker.
Even before I ended that call, I was walking to my car, overnight bag in hand. I couldn’t stand to be away from Alyse for another second if I didn’t have to. No matter that I haven’t had but two hours of shut-eye over the last two days. I settled in for the four-hour drive home just so I could sleep with her in my arms. Seems like I can’t do anything as basic as sleeping anymore without her.
It’s now a little after midnight and I let myself into Alyse’s place, knowing that’s where she would be. But what I never expected was to see her lying asleep in the arms of another man. The room is dark, but I can make out that it’s the fucking photographer.
The words she said in her office that day when I caught Aaron trying to kiss her come rushing back. I believed her then. I don’t now.
“I may have a lot of personality flaws, Asher, but adulterer is not one of them. I have never cheated on a man in my entire life. I wouldn’t do it.”
Turns out Alyse wasn’t any better than Natalie and I was right. I have never experienced debilitating pain before today.