I shook it and replied faintly, “Nice to meet you, too.” He didn’t release my hand, instead pulling me a little closer, so close that my breasts were a hairsbreadth away from his chest and I could feel the warmth of his body like a blanket. His neck was eye level and part of me wanted to reach up and smell him up close. With effort, I refrained. His free hand came between us and tilted my chin up.
I stared at him. I had fantasized about this exact position a million times. Being in the circle of Noah’s arms. What would happen when I was there? But nothing prepared me for the reality of this moment and everything that preceded it. His head dropped, and for a breathless moment I thought he might kiss me. Instead, he lifted his head slightly and pressed a kiss to my forehead. He mouthed something indistinct against my temple and then let me go. Just dropped both of his hands and stepped one pace back. He tucked his fingers into the front pockets of his jeans, and for the first time since I had laid eyes on him that day, he looked uncertain.
“Tomorrow, then.”
I guess we were friends who had breakfast at 9 a.m. on Saturdays.
“Tomorrow,” I said and let him out.
Even though I was fatigued, I lay in bed and could not sleep, my mind replaying each minute of the night, flicking through images and recounting each morsel of conversation. I started fantasizing about walking to class with Noah, holding his hand. As I drifted off, I was aware of a sense of dread at the idea that I was pacifying myself with a picture of Noah once again.
Noah
Walking out of the apartment felt like a mistake, but I couldn’t come up with a good excuse for staying. I had hinted at sleeping on the sofa, but Grace chose to ignore me. Her suggestion that she had used it for something other than studying and watching movies wasn’t lost, either.
I had barely restrained myself from dragging her into my arms and laying her down across the cushions. She didn’t seem to notice how the thought of her on that sofa with anyone else made my fist tighten in resentment.
I’ve never been very good with girls, but I never had to be. In high school, there were always girls who wanted a taste of the other side of the tracks. When I was a Marine, there was no shortage of women at the base bars looking for a similar thrill. I perfected the art of standing still, which was about all it took to find myself some random company.
I didn’t need a relationship. In high school, I never wanted to connect with someone, because I was leaving town as soon as possible. In the Marines, there was never any time to develop a relationship. It was basic, then deployment. And then Grace happened.
When she first wrote me, I only wrote back because our CO told us we had to, but then I realized I looked forward to getting her letters. If it wasn’t for Grace, I wouldn’t have received anything from home. Any care package items would’ve been cast-offs from someone else. It’s not like everyone had family or a girlfriend or someone back home. There were plenty like me whose unit was their family.
So maybe my initial responses to Grace were driven by self-interest. At some point, though, Grace’s letters took on a greater importance. With each letter and each care package came the knowledge that the person behind those letters cared whether I made it home.
But I still had no finesse, and after I separated from the Marines, I fumbled Grace’s pass. And then I talked myself into believing that she’d just wait around until I was ready to come and get her.
I needed a new plan. It was a good thing I only needed a few hours of sleep. My nights would now be spent figuring out how to get a woman I cared about into my corner, rather than the best way to take an opponent to the mat.
Chapter Five
Dear Grace,
My biggest fear, huh? I don’t think I ever told you about my recruitment experience, did I? So the AF reps show up at high school on career day. Bo had skipped and gone somewhere to drink the day away. Lucky bastard. I would’ve cut class that day, too, but I had too many skips and was warned that if I had any more, they would withhold my diploma and make me go to summer school. Not going to happen.
Anyway, I end up talking with the Army and Marine recruiters. Their spiels are pretty similar. They ask me about my interests, and I tell them getting the hell out of Nowheresville is my priority. The Marine recruiter nods and says he felt the same way. He tells me I can earn money, get my college paid for, and make a lot of friends. The first one sounds interesting, the second intriguing, the third I could care less about. Turns out the last one is actually the biggest benefit of joining.
Later, the recruiter follows up with me. Gives me a huge laundry list of awesome things about joining. I tell him he doesn’t have to sell me anymore, that I’m ready to sign, only I’m debating between the Marines and the Army. Then I make my biggest mistake ever. I admit that I’m not a fan of water. The Marine recruiter laughs and says, “you’ll be infantry, son,” and I sign.