“You think that’s a good look on you?” From the size of Cindy’s sneer, I guessed she disagreed. “Your bangs are too short and nobody does red lowlights anymore.”
“Wrong on both counts. People will do—or want, at least—red lowlights until the planet cracks. Now, I’m sorry we had to turn you down, but our word on this is final. You and Lawrence are welcome to stay,” I lied, “but for all intents and purposes—”
“And your shoes are ugly.”
I had a brief Homer Simpson moment
(“Why, you little—” Cue strangling noises.)
and by the time I shook it off Tina was hustling them out the door.
“Wait! It’s okay, let go of her.” With deepest reluctance—I don’t think I had ever seen her so reluctant—she did. “I want to talk to her for a minute. Sinclair, maybe take Lawrence and get him a cognac or something?”
Marc smiled. “The g is silent.”
“Yeah, yeah. Listen, Tina and Cindy and I need a minute of girl talk. You guys head out.”
I trust you’re up to something, beloved. I expect to be regaled.
We’ll find out. Might be nothing.
Never discount feminine intuition.
Ugh. Fogey.
“Hellooo? Are you in there?” Marc asked as the other men walked out. “You’ve got that blank look you get when you’re telepathing.”
“That’s a verb now?” I asked, amused. “Scram, I said this is girl talk.”
“But I’m your gay BFF! Or I would be, if anyone used ‘BFF’ anymore. And whatever it is you’re gonna talk about, I bet it’ll be good.”
“I can’t believe I’m telling a doctor this, but gay men don’t have vaginas and thus don’t qualify for girl talk. Go away.”
Grumbling, he (finally) left. When he did, I turned to Cindy, who had sunk into the love seat once Tina let go of her.
“What? D’you want me to apologize? Fine. Sorry you’re a bitch.”
“Gosh, thanks! Appreciate it! That’s the most heartfelt apology ever! Everything’s fixed and now we’ll be super-good friends!” I rolled my eyes; did this teen twit think she could outsarcasm me? Me? Easier to outswim or outdrink Michael Phelps. “What’s really going on, Cindy?”
I got a shrug for an answer, which wasn’t surprising. But I was undeterred. I had a shit memory for names. I was in over my head in Hell. Jessica had been doing my taxes for me since I was eighteen (and now Tina did). I insisted on wearing purple even though I was a summer. I was a bitchy wife and a selfish friend. But I knew what a girl with a crush looked like. Hell, I’d had a Ryan Reynolds poster in my bedroom. When I was twenty-nine.
“Knock it off. You’re not fooling us. Is it him?” I jerked my head toward the door Lawrence had just used. “That’s the reason behind the reason. Isn’t it?”
Cindy’s head came up, startled, and her wide eyes were answer enough. “It’s not like that,” she mumbled, except I remembered how he’d mentioned she used to call him “Uncle” Lawrence when she was small. And how she didn’t do that anymore. She’d corrected him when he called her his little girl, too. And not in a fond “come on, obviously I’m not a little girl anymore, you sentimental old softie, you” way. More like, “Don’t think of me that way. I love you. I love you. Please see me as a woman.”
“Sure it is. Look, I get it. I’m married to a guy who, if he lived in Iowa, would have to renew his driver’s license every two years and take a vision exam each time, that’s how old he is. He could be king of the AARP and the vampires. You think I can’t relate to—” I started to say “crushing on,” but nothing turned off a teen in love faster than that stupid, insignificant word. “Crush,” like it was some silly, immature thing, a passing fancy. Best way to get a teenager to close off? Imply that what they’re feeling isn’t real because they’re younger than Google.12 “You think I don’t know what it’s like to love an older man?”
She took that in and sort of unscrunched herself from the miserable ball she’d curled herself into, then leaned forward. “His wife’s been dead forever, he’s been alone forever, it’s why he spent so much time with our family because he was so lonesome and I know he loves me I mean he loved my mom and grandma but he wasn’t in love with them and besides they never loved him back like I do and you have to turn me into a vampire because I need to stay young I can’t get old and cut off my tits and expect him to love me please don’t you understand?”