“Why aren’t you letting Sinclair help you with Hell?”
I looked at him and felt my eyes narrow. “Did Sinclair ask you to ask?”
“What? No! C’mon, no.” He shook his head at me. “What are we, in high school? Besides, that’s not his—”
“Did Tina?”
“No! C’mon. Well, yes. But it’s not like she made me ask . . .” He cleared his throat. “We’ve all been wondering. Why wouldn’t you put him on the committee? Tina was really surprised when you asked her but not him.” He paused, then emphasized, “Really surprised.”
“It’s hard to explain.”
“Because it’s a vampire thing?”
“Nooo . . .”
“Because it’s a queen thing?”
“Because I don’t really understand myself. I just—can’t do it. Every time I think about it, I just shut down inside. I don’t know why. And you know me, you know I’ve got no problem ditching crap on other people.”
“Some crap,” he corrected. “You take the serious stuff seriously. Y’know, after you put on a show about how put-upon you are.”
“It’s not a show; I’m very put-upon, and—you know what? Go to Hell. And I’ll come with you.”
And on that note, we hit the kitchen, saw it was empty (a rarity!), and I thought about us being in Hell.
And then we were.
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
“The bitch is back,” the Ant said, which was as warm a greeting as I’d ever gotten from my stepmother.
“Don’t try to sweet-talk me. What’d I miss?”
“Eleven thousand new souls have shown up, Father Markus has begrudgingly signed off on your new and improved Ten Commandments, and the She-Wolves of France are requesting a meeting with you—”
???
“I knew you’d say that,” the Ant grumbled.
“I didn’t say anything!”
“You looked pretty blank,” Marc said in what he doubtless thought was a helpful tone.
“Several of the souls my daughter let loose a few months ago have come back and requested reinstatement—”
“We do that? Reinstate people?”
“I guess that’s up to you,” the Ant replied carefully.
Well. That was some good news. When I still thought Laura and I would both run Hell, I’d been a little, um, hard to pin down. Oh, those carefree days of yesteryear when my biggest problem was Jessica’s weird babies! And by yesteryear I meant less than a month ago.
Anyway, one of the ways she got me to quit stalling and go to Hell already was by telling me souls were “escaping.” What she meant was, “I’m letting them out to get your lazy ass into Hell.” Tracking them down and hauling them back was one of the eight zillion things on my list. But apparently life in the real world wasn’t what they thought it would be.
“I want to talk to them. The ones who came back.” The Ant nodded; I think she’d anticipated my request. “What else?”
“A few other administrative details Cathie, Father Markus, and I are dealing with. A copy of Father Markus’s sermon for your approval.” I waved that away; it wasn’t for me to tell an ordained priest that his sermons weren’t churchy enough. Even when he’d been running a group of vampire executioners who were trying to kill me, he’d always prayed fair. And in death he’d been beyond helpful. “And Miss Cindy Tinsman would like a meeting, if it’s not too much trouble. Her words, not mine; I’m assuming anything that takes you away from the Macy’s sample sale is too much trouble.”
“Couldn’t resist that one, huh?”
“No,” was the smug reply.
“FYI, the only upcoming event at Macy’s I’m interested in is the Mother’s Day Fashion Show. I’m technically a mom now. Well, a big sister/mom hybrid.”
Then I could have bitten my tongue. On purpose, I mean. The reason I was a big sister/mom hybrid was because the Ant had died in a car accident and my dad—presumed to have perished with her in a ball of blazing hair spray and spray tan—had faked his death.
Since then, my half brother, BabyJon, had alternated staying at the mansion with all of us and staying with my mother—of all people! She’d gone from wanting nothing to do with the spawn of the Ant to loving BabyJon and doting on him like any fond grandma. Part of it was the kid himself; BabyJon was one of those placid, happy babies who was a good eater and a better sleeper. The kind of baby who, when other people saw him, thought, That doesn’t look so hard. We should have a baby! Then they ended up with a colic monster.