Ulysses(166)

RUDOLPH: Once! Mud head to foot. Cut your hand open. Lockjaw. They make you kaputt, Leopoldleben. You watch them chaps.

BLOOM: (WEAKLY) They challenged me to a sprint. It was muddy. I slipped.

RUDOLPH: (WITH CONTEMPT) GOIM NACHEZ! Nice spectacles for your poor mother!

BLOOM: Mamma!

ELLEN BLOOM: (IN PANTOMIME DAME'S STRINGED MOBCAP, WIDOW TWANKEY'S CRINOLINE AND BUSTLE, BLOUSE WITH MUTTONLEG SLEEVES BUTTONED BEHIND, GREY MITTENS AND CAMEO BROOCH, HER PLAITED HAIR IN A CRISPINE NET, APPEARS OVER THE STAIRCASE BANISTERS, A SLANTED CANDLESTICK IN HER HAND, AND CRIES OUT IN SHRILL ALARM) O blessed Redeemer, what have they done to him! My smelling salts! (SHE HAULS UP A REEF OF SKIRT AND RANSACKS THE POUCH OF HER STRIPED BLAY PETTICOAT. A PHIAL, AN AGNUS DEI, A SHRIVELLED POTATO AND A CELLULOID DOLL FALL OUT) Sacred Heart of Mary, where were you at all at all?

(BLOOM, MUMBLING, HIS EYES DOWNCAST, BEGINS TO BESTOW HIS PARCELS IN HIS FILLED POCKETS BUT DESISTS, MUTTERING.)

A VOICE: (SHARPLY) Poldy!

BLOOM: Who? (HE DUCKS AND WARDS OFF A BLOW CLUMSILY) At your service.

(HE LOOKS UP. BESIDE HER MIRAGE OF DATEPALMS A HANDSOME WOMAN IN TURKISH COSTUME STANDS BEFORE HIM. OPULENT CURVES FILL OUT HER SCARLET TROUSERS AND JACKET, SLASHED WITH GOLD. A WIDE YELLOW CUMMERBUND GIRDLES HER. A WHITE YASHMAK, VIOLET IN THE NIGHT, COVERS HER FACE, LEAVING FREE ONLY HER LARGE DARK EYES AND RAVEN HAIR.)

BLOOM: Molly!

MARION: Welly? Mrs Marion from this out, my dear man, when you speak to me. (SATIRICALLY) Has poor little hubby cold feet waiting so long?

BLOOM: (SHIFTS FROM FOOT TO FOOT) No, no. Not the least little bit.

(HE BREATHES IN DEEP AGITATION, SWALLOWING GULPS OF AIR, QUESTIONS, HOPES, CRUBEENS FOR HER SUPPER, THINGS TO TELL HER, EXCUSE, DESIRE, SPELLBOUND. A COIN GLEAMS ON HER FOREHEAD. ON HER FEET ARE JEWELLED TOERINGS. HER ANKLES ARE LINKED BY A SLENDER FETTERCHAIN. BESIDE HER A CAMEL, HOODED WITH A TURRETING TURBAN, WAITS. A SILK LADDER OF INNUMERABLE RUNGS CLIMBS TO HIS BOBBING HOWDAH. HE AMBLES NEAR WITH DISGRUNTLED HINDQUARTERS. FIERCELY SHE SLAPS HIS HAUNCH, HER GOLDCURB WRISTBANGLES ANGRILING, SCOLDING HIM IN MOORISH.)

MARION: Nebrakada! Femininum!

(THE CAMEL, LIFTING A FORELEG, PLUCKS FROM A TREE A LARGE MANGO FRUIT, OFFERS IT TO HIS MISTRESS, BLINKING, IN HIS CLOVEN HOOF, THEN DROOPS HIS HEAD AND, GRUNTING, WITH UPLIFTED NECK, FUMBLES TO KNEEL. BLOOM STOOPS HIS BACK FOR LEAPFROG.)

BLOOM: I can give you ... I mean as your business menagerer ... Mrs Marion ... if you ...

MARION: So you notice some change? (HER HANDS PASSING SLOWLY OVER HER TRINKETED STOMACHER, A SLOW FRIENDLY MOCKERY IN HER EYES) O Poldy, Poldy, you are a poor old stick in the mud! Go and see life. See the wide world.

BLOOM: I was just going back for that lotion whitewax, orangeflower water. Shop closes early on Thursday. But the first thing in the morning. (HE PATS DIVERS POCKETS) This moving kidney. Ah!

(HE POINTS TO THE SOUTH, THEN TO THE EAST. A CAKE OF NEW CLEAN LEMON SOAP ARISES, DIFFUSING LIGHT AND PERFUME.)

THE SOAP:

We're a capital couple are Bloom and I. He brightens the earth. I polish the sky.

(THE FRECKLED FACE OF SWENY, THE DRUGGIST, APPEARS IN THE DISC OF THE SOAPSUN.)

SWENY: Three and a penny, please.

BLOOM: Yes. For my wife. Mrs Marion. Special recipe.

MARION: (SOFTLY) Poldy!

BLOOM: Yes, ma'am?

MARION: TI TREMA UN POCO IL CUORE?

(IN DISDAIN SHE SAUNTERS AWAY, PLUMP AS A PAMPERED POUTER PIGEON, HUMMING THE DUET FROM Don Giovanni.)

BLOOM: Are you sure about that VOGLIO? I mean the pronunciati ...

(HE FOLLOWS, FOLLOWED BY THE SNIFFING TERRIER. THE ELDERLY BAWD SEIZES HIS SLEEVE, THE BRISTLES OF HER CHINMOLE GLITTERING.)

THE BAWD: Ten shillings a maidenhead. Fresh thing was never touched. Fifteen. There's no-one in it only her old father that's dead drunk.

(SHE POINTS. IN THE GAP OF HER DARK DEN FURTIVE, RAINBEDRAGGLED, BRIDIE KELLY STANDS.)

BRIDIE: Hatch street. Any good in your mind?

(WITH A SQUEAK SHE FLAPS HER BAT SHAWL AND RUNS. A BURLY ROUGH PURSUES WITH BOOTED STRIDES. HE STUMBLES ON THE STEPS, RECOVERS, PLUNGES INTO GLOOM. WEAK SQUEAKS OF LAUGHTER ARE HEARD, WEAKER.)

THE BAWD: (HER WOLFEYES SHINING) He's getting his pleasure. You won't get a virgin in the flash houses. Ten shillings. Don't be all night before the polis in plain clothes sees us. Sixtyseven is a bitch.

(LEERING, GERTY MACDOWELL LIMPS FORWARD. SHE DRAWS FROM BEHIND, OGLING, AND SHOWS COYLY HER BLOODIED CLOUT.)

GERTY: With all my worldly goods I thee and thou. (SHE MURMURS) You did that. I hate you.

BLOOM: I? When? You're dreaming. I never saw you.

THE BAWD: Leave the gentleman alone, you cheat. Writing the gentleman false letters. Streetwalking and soliciting. Better for your mother take the strap to you at the bedpost, hussy like you.

GERTY: (TO BLOOM) When you saw all the secrets of my bottom drawer. (SHE PAWS HIS SLEEVE, SLOBBERING) Dirty married man! I love you for doing that to me.