“You’ve stolen my heart,” he whispered in Russian as he watched her throat work as she swallowed. Jesus Christ, this tiny human was killing him.
“She does so very easily.”
He nodded to acknowledge that. “How is she? As a baby, I mean. From what little I’ve seen, she’s damn near perfect.”
“Close. She is quite exceptional. She has slept well from the beginning. She is a good eater.” The pride in Sacha’s voice was unmistakable. “In the hospital, they had me feed her shortly after the birth, and she took to it as though she had been feeding for months. The nurses were very impressed.”
Of course, they were, he thought, suddenly desperate for information. “What else? Tell me about the pregnancy.”
The pain that flashed in her eyes was stark. It reminded Alek of how she’d looked when she walked into his office that night. But, forever gracious, she pushed past it and answered his question.
“The first few months were effortless. I would never have known I was having a child had the doctor not told me. There were no drastic changes until I neared week twenty, but even then I was able to manage with clothes that were a few sizes larger than what I normally wore.”
He nodded, staying in the moment and out of his head. Kept thoughts of Sheppard and when he’d come on the scene buried deep, as he’d been doing for the last while.
“I eventually appreciated the maternity wear. Particularly in the final weeks,” she was saying. “I was tired more then, being on my feet all day, and carrying around thirty extra pounds.”
“Why were you on your feet all day?”
She smiled when Lekzi yanked on her hair. She patiently unraveled it from little fingers and kissed the baby’s hand. “I was doing double shifts waiting tables to save enough money so I would not have to work for the first couple of months after her birth. I knew I would be babysitting afterward as my primary source of income—so that I could avoid childcare costs and stay home with her—but I did not want to bring the other children into the apartment until she was old enough to handle the germs that would come with them.”
Protective right from the start. How could he not admire that? “Were you afraid?” he asked, even though he didn’t really want to hear the answer. He’d realized after Sydney’s lecture that he’d been so busy thinking about himself, he’d skimmed over what Sacha must have gone through.
“Yes. I was terrified.”
Fuck. “The labor?”
“My due date was the last day of April. Everything I had read indicated she would come after that, but she came early. Right, my sweet sunshine?”
She was rubbing her hand over the pink elephants on Lekzi’s white sleeper. Alek couldn’t look at them. He only saw her do so in his periphery.
“I was at work during the early dinner rush when my water broke. I could not afford an ambulance bill, so I had to catch two buses to get to the hospital. I remember being so worried I would not make it in time, but I did. She was born at 7:42 in the evening, not an hour after I arrived. So I guess the labor went quickly for my first.”
“Jesus Christ, Sacha,” he whispered raggedly through the massive regret crushing his chest. He reached over to cover her hand. “I am so fucking sorry you had to go through that alone. Why didn’t you tell me?” He felt as if the words should be shouted, but they came out barely audible. “By then, could you not have told me?”
“By then I was afraid you would take her from me. Plus, I thought you would be too busy with your women to want to bother with us. I had no idea what I saw that night was not real. And…I was so angry with you.”
Yeah, his fault.
But hers, too. She was not some conniving bitch. She was tender-hearted. So that meant she’d struggled with herself, and had still made the decision she had. To keep him and his child apart. To rob him of the joy of being a father. He couldn’t discount that because it was fucking huge. It wasn’t her. Not the woman he knew.
The worst part was, he’d brought that out in her.
He squeezed her knee and got up. “I’ll bring the bags upstairs and make sure everything is ready. Vasily had a couple of the boys move much of what was in the nursery into the room next to ours.”
“What nursery?”
Alekzander’s smile was wry. “My uncle is pretty anxious for his grandson to arrive. He’s had a fully functional nursery ready to go for weeks now.”
“That’s very convenient.”
Their eyes clashed. “Hmm. Very convenient.” He broke the connection. “Go on to the kitchen to prepare her cereal when you’re done here. I’ll meet you there.”