“Is Lekzi with the girls?” he asked after he drew back.
She nodded. “With Nika and Sydney. They called dips before Eva could make it downstairs from Vasily’s room.”
He chuckled and feathered his fingers through her long strands before letting them fall to her shoulders. “Dibs.”
“Oh, yes. Dibs.” It was so nice to hear humor in his voice that she thought she might start messing her expressions up on purpose.
“Do you think you would be okay leaving her with them overnight?”
Her eyes flashed up from his tie, and she was just about to say no, absolutely not. She found she couldn’t. “Yes, I can do that for you if you promise we’ll go home to her first thing in the morning.” His eyes traced her face for so long she began to feel nervous.
“I can do that for you,” he mimicked before taking her jaw and kissing her again. It was gentle. Soft. Leisurely. When his tongue came out, she opened for him and welcomed him by meeting him halfway. They didn’t tangle but stroked. Despite feeling him grow hard against her belly, he ended the pleasure. “I shouldn’t be enjoying you so much.”
Her brows pulled down. “Yes, you should. You should always enjoy me. Each time we touch I enjoy it so much it is unnatural.”
“That isn’t what I meant, but it doesn’t matter.” He released her and went to the bar. “Would you like a drink before dinner? The food should arrive anytime.”
“No, thank you.” She looked around, taking in more details now. Nothing had changed. It was still the same place she’d loved, minus all her dust collectors. “I could have cooked for you.”
“I know.”
She looked at his stiff back. Maybe it was time she made a move by showing him the new stockings and garters she’d bought while out with Sydney and Eleanor this morning. Sacha had needed some things for Lekzi, and shopping with the Australian and her soon-to-be daughter had been fun. Before they’d left the mall with their entourage of security, Sacha had nearly died of embarrassment when Sydney had dragged into a lingerie store.
She blushed now as she remembered paying for her purchases with Grigori standing next to her. The see-through bra she’d thought was such a great idea was now making her nervous. Had she not pumped before leaving home, she knew she’d have ruined its beauty by stashing a couple of pads in it. God, she needed to work on her sexy.
“I am going to wash up,” she blurted, feeling nervous.
He nodded without turning. Oh, how she hated that unless they were touching, she felt as if he was shutting her out.
She took her time in the bathroom where she used the facilities and washed her hands. She finger-combed her hair and made sure her mascara hadn’t flaked. When she opened the door, she paused and listened. When all was quiet, she went right rather than left. She could see the door at the end of the hallway was ajar, and she slowed to a crawl. Bracing herself, she crossed the threshold and flipped the light switch.
She didn’t try to fight them but allowed the memories to come at her. The tender moments, the fights, the playtime, the sex. All of it beat against her, and she let it, took as much as she could get. Those moments were a part of her life with Alekzander, and she would cherish each and every one because one day they might be all she had. The thought had her eyes burning as she took in the familiar camel-colored walls with the snow white crown molding that separated them from the high ceiling. Framed prints of dancers in formal dress, waltzing, heads held high, frames locked, were staggered in a beautiful display on the wall next to the armoire Alekzander had used. The furnishings were heavy and a perfect mix of masculine and feminine. They’d suited the inhabitants of the room so well.
It was too bad she and Alekzander weren’t the same people they’d been.
Hoping she’d hear the main door—so she’d know it was safe to walk out without fear the delivery person would get an eyeful—she wandered over to peek into the walk-in closet in hopes of finding an abandoned robe.
What she saw had her fingers stilling the process of loosening the wrap around her shoulders.
“Oh, Alekzander…” she whispered.
♦ ♦ ♦
Alek rubbed at his throbbing chest and wished he could shove his hand under his ribs and massage the ache out of his heart. He stood at the bar with his head bowed for another minute, even though he wanted to barge into the bathroom and get this over with.
He planned to tell Sacha how fucking hard he loved her. How deep it went. He’d already apologized repeatedly for all he’d put her through. But he’d yet to beg her forgiveness because she and their daughter had been drawn into a world he’d promised to keep her safe from.