Ugly(99)

“I can’t look hot, this isn’t a date. This is just two friends going out for dinner.”

“You’ll look hot for yourself, not Max. Whatever you do, you should do it for yourself. And if other people want to be around you, they should feel privileged you allow them. You’re a good person, Lily, don’t ever forget that heart of gold you have. But you need to make sure you’re happy before you even think of trying to make anyone else happy.”

“Thank you,” I say, averting my eyes, not really ready to accept what she’s saying. “I’ve made an appointment with a psychologist,” I spring on Shayne.

“You have? I’m so happy, Lily. My God, that’s a huge step. I’m so proud of you.” She hugs me as I keep my eyes down looking at the clothes on my bed. “God, I’m just…” she shakes her head, but has a giant smile on her face. “I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you. Now, get out so I can get changed.” I can’t deal with any more emotions tonight. I’ll end up bawling my eyes out, and I don’t want those kinds of feelings. I just want happiness.

Shayne leaves and I get changed. I call her back in so she can tell me how I look. “You look good, girl. Can I do your make-up?”

“Make-up?”

“Yeah, make-up. And I can style your hair, just something different.”

“I don’t know.” I’m beginning to feel like I’m Shayne’s doll. “Maybe, just do my hair. Don’t worry about make-up.”

Thankfully she claps her hands together and runs out of the room, only to come in with what she tells me is a hair straightener. I give her with a quizzical look, because my hair is already straight. “I’ll just put a small curl on the ends. It’ll look great.”

“Okay,” I say as I sit on the bed and she plugs it in and turns it on.

When Shayne finishes, there are light curls on the bottom of my mid-back-length hair, and it looks really good. I call a cab and they say they’ll be about fifteen minutes. Finishing getting ready, I take my borrowed coat, and walk out to the family room, where Shayne has joined Liam as they watch TV. “Have a good time, and your curfew is midnight,” Liam says, pretending to be my father.

“See you tomorrow morning.” I give them both a kiss, and then I hear the beep of a horn. I check and see the yellow cab waiting in the driveway.

I go out, get in the cab, and nervously fidget until we pull up in front of the restaurant.

Max is outside the restaurant looking up and down the street. When the cab stops at the curb, Max dashes to the car, and opens the door for me. Before I have a moment to pay the driver, Max has already thrown twenty dollars at him, asked if it was enough then closed the door when the driver said he had to give him change. “Keep it,” Max half yelled in perfect speech. “You l-look b-b-b,” he pauses as he takes a breath to obviously calm down. “Beautiful.”

“Thank you, Max. You’re looking very handsome as well.”

“Are you h-hungry? B-because I’d l-like to go s-somewhere f-first. A-and our reservation is at eight-th-thirty.”

Red flags fly up, and I take a step back away from Max. “Um.”

“I-it’s okay, we can s-sit at the b-bar and just ch-chat.” But he looks really hurt by my reaction.

“What else do you have in mind?”

“J-just down the r-ro-road there’s somewhere I want to take y-you. But I understand if you d-don’t want to.”

I weigh up everything I know of Max, and nothing screams ’run’. These are just my natural reactions because of what I’ve lived through in my past. “It’s okay, we can go.”

“Excellent.” We begin to walk, and the weather is absolutely freezing. I feel like a snowman as we slowly walk in the direction Max is leading us. My hands have gloves, and are in the pockets of my/Shayne’s coat. I have a beanie and a scarf, and I can still feel the cold penetrating through all the layers. It’s early December, and snow will start falling soon. We’ve had a couple of days where we’ve had very light dusting, but it’ll only be a matter of time before the sidewalks are icy and there are snow banks outside.

The conversation is light and easy, and I tell Max how I’m now the proud owner of a brand new Ford Taurus and that I’ve started driving lessons. Max congratulates me and tells me when I get my license, he expects to be chauffeured around like a prince in a motorcade.

We stop walking when we get to a park that has been flooded and frozen over and converted into an outdoor ice skating rink. “We’re here,” he eagerly says as he points to the ice.