Ugly(85)

I can’t help but feel the tears prickling behind my eyes. “I wouldn’t know where to start,” I say. “I’ve never proofread anything in my life. How am I supposed to do something like that? I wouldn’t even know where to find anyone to ask them if I could work on their book.”

“Well…” Shayne starts saying, jumping up and down in her seat again. “One of the girls who works for us has written a romance book and she’s looking for a second pair of eyes. I could always ask her. I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

This is overwhelming to me. I’ve never considered doing anything like this before. “Um, I suppose I can give it a try,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “But what if I suck?”

“You won’t suck. You’ll be great.”

“What if she hates what I do?”

“Then she can find someone else to double-check it.”

“What if I cost her sales because I’m really no good?”

Liam chuckles and I look over to him. “You have to have faith in yourself, Lily. Really, you do. What’s the worst that can happen? You’ll do it, she won’t like what you do, and you’ll part ways. No hard feelings.”

“I suppose I can try.”

“Yay.” Shayne claps her hands together. “I’ll tell her in the morning, she’ll be so excited.”

“I’ve been thinking about something, too.” I look down at my hot chocolate and avoid both Shayne’s and Liam’s eyes. “I’ve been thinking it might be a good idea to start seeing a psychologist, maybe they can help me deal with all these feeling I’m having.”

“This is the best night ever!” Shayne shrieks, as she leaps out of her chair and hugs me tightly. “You’re so strong, Lily. I know it, I can feel it in my bones, you’re going to be the best proofreader around. You mark my words, you’re going to be fantastic. And when you find a psychologist, you’re going to be even stronger still.”

“Thank you,” I say, though I do have my reservations. As we sip our hot chocolate, Shayne and Liam are making sweet eyes at each and suddenly I feel as if I’m intruding in their own personal time. I finish drinking and take my mug over to the sink, rinsing it out. “Can I borrow your laptop, please? I want to do some research on proofreading and what it entails.”

“Sure thing, buttercup,” Liam says as he winks at Shayne. A silent flirtation happens between the two, and I know I’m definitely overstaying my welcome out here in the kitchen. Liam gets up and goes to get their laptop and I hug Shayne and give her a kiss on the cheek. “It’s in your room, Lily,” Liam says, as he walks to stand beside his wife.

“Goodnight, guys. And…” I look down, staring at the pink slippers on my feet. “Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome,” Shayne happily cheers. I hear a clap and I turn to see Shayne jumping with the biggest, most beautiful grin on her face. “I might put some music on,” I say.

“Good idea, ‘cause we’re gonna have wild monkey sex,” Liam says playfully.

“Liam!” Shayne scolds him.

“What? We are.” I chuckle then I hear him whisper; actually more like beg, “Please?”

I go into the guest room, close the door and sit on the bed. The laptop is already open and the search engine is on the screen. First, I look into proofreading, and what exactly a proofreader does. I peruse many sites, and it becomes apparent to me, proofreaders check spelling, grammar, word repetition and punctuation. Some do more but when I go into the ‘more’ they do, it begins to cross over into copy editing, content editing and line editing. All things I’d need to study if I was to be successful.

Once I’ve exhausted myself looking into proofreaders and what they do, I look for psychologists, specifically someone who specializes in domestic violence. The moment I type in the words ‘domestic violence psychologist’ it all becomes very real. The enormity of the situation hits me like a ton of bricks. A massive heaviness sits on my chest, I start to breathe very shallowly, desperately trying to suck air into my lungs.

My hands are shaking, and I can’t seem to get a grip on myself. Sweat beads on the back of my neck, and despite the cold weather outside, I’m boiling and trembling with anxiety and nervousness. My vision is blurring and I can’t seem to make my blood cool and my pulse settle.

Taking a few deep breaths, I’m finally calm enough to logically try and work through whatever the hell just happened. I close the laptop for a few moments, turn on the radio and find a station which is playing soothing music, and just lay on the bed and close my eyes.