Ugly(70)

Terri has a look of mischief on her face, mixed with contempt, as if she’s smugly enjoying the way Trent’s handling me.

“Wait, before you go,” Lina protests, and runs up to me. She hugs me tightly, and whispers, “I’m sorry you were ever introduced to these monsters.” She grips me tight, not wanting to let me go.

Trent pulls me away from her, and she’s standing, looking like a shell. A broken woman, saddened by the loss of something which once was her most precious gift.

Trent drags me out to the car, he pushes me into the passenger side and then gets into the driver’s side. “I can’t believe the scene you’ve made back there. You’re a damn embarrassment.” He reverses out of the driveway and takes off like a madman possessed, driving well above the speed limit. “I swear to God, Lily. I’ve had just about enough of your bullshit. I’ve had it, you hear me?” He grabs my arm and squeezes it with as much force as he can.

Silently I cry and look out at the blurry scenery passing the window.

“Jesus, Lily. I thought I told you not to throw yourself at John. Why is it, every time you two are together, you’re always flirting with him?” Trent goes quiet, and I’m not sure he wants an answer. “For God’s sake, tell me why!” he yells at me and slaps my leg.

“I’ve never liked him,” I reply meekly. “I told you he scares me, and today he said he wanted to…”

“Stop lying. You sound like a hopeless slut. Someone who knows she’s been caught in a lie and is desperately trying to get out of it. He said you threw yourself at him.”

“I didn’t.” I look to Trent who’s so angry his face is red with fury.

“I’m supposed to believe some common whore who probably slept with, who knows how many before I came along. My dad and John were right about you, I should get you fixed, because a bitch in heat will always bring home strays. I’m going to be a doctor, Lily. I can’t be worried about what my wife is doing when I’m working hard at the hospital.”

“I’m not a slut! I’ve never been with anyone except you.”

His right hand tightens slowly into a fist. His nostrils are expanding and retracting as his eyes are wide with rage. “What the hell did you just say?” His voice is incredibly low and contained. And that terrifies me even more than his actions. “I said, what the hell did you say?” He repeats himself, even deadlier and more eerie.

My skin crawls from the savage and gruesome tone of his voice. I want to open the door and jump out of the car, regardless of the fact he’s travelling at speeds well above the limit. “I’m not a slut, Trent. You know this because I hadn’t been with anyone else before you. And I’ve certainly never been with anyone else while we’ve been married.”

“What’s that remark supposed to mean, Lily? Do you think I’m cheating on you?”

I shrug my shoulders and turn to look away from him. Somewhere, deep inside I suspect he is, but I also know girls like me don’t deserve anything more than what he’s given me.

“You ungrateful, selfish, bitch,” he says. I keep my head turned away from him, because I know he’ll only get angrier with me if he sees the tears falling.

The drive is taking forever, and I’m starting to struggle with the tension filling the car.

Many times I catch Trent fisting his hand, then relaxing it moments later. I remain quiet, knowing any words from me will only ignite the dry kindling surrounding us and create an intolerable situation.

When we finally get back to the apartment, Trent pulls up out in front. I unbuckle my seat belt and get out. “Here,” he says as he hands me the key to the front door.

“What’s this?” I ask looking at his outstretched hand.

“I’m going out, I won’t be back until tomorrow.”

“What?” I ask, perplexed by the situation.

“I need time away from you, Lily. If I stay here tonight, I’m scared I may hurt you, or even worse, kill you. Don’t wait up for me.”

“But I don’t have any money to get to work in the morning.”

“You need to lose a few pounds. You’d better walk.” He takes off and leaves me standing, stunned at him.

Walking up the stairs to the apartment, I open the door and take a deep breath. It’s Thanksgiving and I’m alone, stuck in an apartment that brings me no happiness or joy. Once, there were days when I smiled. Now, those days are gone.

As I sit on the small sofa, I take my shoes off and notice my right shoe has a hole in the sole. These are the only shoes I have, so they serve all purposes including work. Trent says we can’t afford new things, and I can only have the basics, wearing them out before I can get them replaced.