Ugly(53)

Trent says he wants to change what he’s doing. He doesn’t want to be an accountant anymore. He wants to be a doctor. I support him, of course. He should follow his dreams.

Anyway, I have to go. I’ve picked up an extra shift at the supermarket and I need to get ready. I think having a diary is good idea, it’ll let me keep track of everything in my life.

Bye diary.

PS. How funny that I’m talking to you like you’re a real life person.





October 8th 2010

Dear Diary,

It’s been so crazy lately. I can’t believe I haven’t been able to write in you for a while. My twenty-first birthday is next month and life couldn’t get any busier, even if I wanted it to.

Okay, so over the last month. I don’t know even where to start. Trent went out one night, came home completely drunk from one of those frat parties and tried having sex with me. When I told him he stunk like beer and vomit, he backhanded me and told me it’s my job as his wife to give him sex whenever he wants. I managed to get free of him and lock myself in our bathroom. I was so shocked by what he did, all I could do was cry. He tried beating the door down, but he passed out and fell asleep across the threshold of the door. I was too scared to leave the bathroom, so I slept in there. The next day I heard him leave and when he finally returned, he had bought me the most beautiful bracelet he could find. He told me it was from a pawn shop because we don’t have a lot of money, and he told me a thousand times how sorry he was for hitting me. I felt bad I was scared of him, and he’s right, I do have to give him sex whenever he wants. “Men have needs,” he said. Of course they do, and it was stupid of me not to realize.

They’ve given me a promotion at the supermarket. I’m now a shift supervisor, which means I get more money. I’m not sure how much is in our account, because Trent looks after all the bills, but he says we scrape by from paycheck to paycheck.

I’m also doing really well at school. One of my lecturers is impressed with me and says I really should try and become a professor in English. He thinks I’m smart enough to teach at the university level, but of course, I think he’s just being nice.

Trent changed his major and is now in his first year of becoming a doctor. He’s got so many years left. He quit his job, saying he just couldn’t handle all the stress of both med school and work. He said me learning how to be an English teacher is so much easier, it only made sense I’d keep working and he’d concentrate on his studies. I fly through my studies. His career is so much more important than anything I’ll ever do.

I heard from Shayne, too. She and Liam are still together, and they got engaged. But they’re saving so they can go to Italy and Greece. She said they want to travel before they settle down. I miss her, but if I want a career as an English teacher, some things need to be sacrificed. That’s what Trent says, and I can totally understand. I don’t even have time to make friends from any of my classes. If I’m not at work, I’m at school. If I’m not at work or school, I’m here studying.

See ya next time diary.

Bye.





October 7th 2011

Dear Diary

Oh my god. What has happened to my life? I’m twenty-two next month and I’m pregnant. SQUEEEEEE. Can you believe it, diary? I’m pregnant!

I’ve had to stop school, because Trent said I can’t put too much pressure on the baby by working, and going to school. So we decided I’ll stop school but keep working until I have the baby, and Trent will continue medical school.

He got one of his exam results back and he didn’t do too well. He passed, but only just. He told me it’s because I was too busy working and couldn’t help him study. That night he was so angry, he lost control of his temper and he hit me. Actually, he punched me. I was so embarrassed because I got this big bruise around my eye. I had to tell everyone I sleep-walked into the door. But it’s okay now, because I’ve put school on hold until after the baby.

Trent says I need to work extra hours because once the baby is here, I’ll need to have some time off. He also thinks it’ll be a good idea if his mom looks after the baby so I can go back to work. I’m not sure I like that idea. Last time Mr. and Mrs. Hackly were here, she looked like she’d lost so much weight. She was also wearing long sleeves and it was so hot here. I’m not sure what’s going on, I just hope she’s okay.

Well, the baby will be here in seven short months. I just hope once the baby is born Trent calms down some. He’s pushed me a couple of times, but only when he’s stressed. I really should know when not to say anything and just do what he asks. I’m getting better at reading his moods. It did hurt my feelings when he said I was ugly and no one would want me. But then he apologized and said he didn’t mean it, but I shouldn’t wear sweats around the house.